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Seperation anxiety/ tantrums/ too much changing? - How do I deal with this??

(5 Posts)
DaisyFlower123 Wed 10-Apr-13 19:32:20

My DS1 is 26 months. We are due DS2 is a few weeks and I am suffering quite badly from both continued sickness and SPD. DS1 is brilliantly behaved, doing very well speech and language wise, hits all milestones etc, however he has always been bit of a shy character, he likes to assess a situation, be watchful and then decide how he will interact with either activity or person etc. He doesn't like huge amounts of change and is very close to myself and DH.

DH is a farmer and currently stuck in the middle of lambing. these demands mean he is at home when DS1 is awake for about 1/2 hour at breakfast, lunch and dinner. therefore not here for story time, bed time, morning cuddles etc, all the things he is normally around for and does with DS1. DS is really reacting to this and I get difficult misbehaving which then turns to huge temper tantrums at the littlest thing which then quickly spirals into a really distressed little boy who can sob for up to a hour whilst I soothe and comfort him. Bedtimes and evenigns are the worse.

He also has started shouting No at people if they ask or talk about the baby coming. He tells me there is no baby and baby has to go away. He gets frustrated at me as I struggle to pick him up or play as we normally do and as such is asking to be carried all the time. this has all come on rather suddenly with the start of lambing and DH being away more. I know DHs absence will be short term but pretty much as soon as life goes back to normal baby will be here and I just feel DS1 will be caused more stress. How can I help him through this positively and to think positively (or at least not negatively!) about the baby?

DaisyFlower123 Wed 10-Apr-13 19:34:03

Should also add that he gets really, really distressed if he see or hears me being sick, which is most mornings at least. We live in a bungalow and in order to keep him safe it is almost impossible for him to be completely kept away from this as most the time I am managing this on my own.

CreatureRetorts Wed 10-Apr-13 21:40:23

Keep the talk of baby to a minimum. Or not at all. He won't understand - not really even if you think he does. He's only little. (my ds was 26 months when dd arrived - we deliberately kept baby talk to a minimum and kept his routine normal once baby was here which we think helped)

DaisyFlower123 Thu 11-Apr-13 08:54:36

Thanks, the idea of the baby was fine until DH changed his pattern of being at home but we have been trying to not push the baby idea too much. Its more how I handle the meltdowns I suppose.

Another good example was this morning, went to drop him off at his child-minder who he loves and has been going to for almost 1.5 years. first time ever he started screaming not going, not going, mummy don't leave. I stayed with him and settled him until he was happy as usual but again really unusual behaviour!

CreatureRetorts Thu 11-Apr-13 11:10:38

He will be unsettled because of your DH not being around - they also go through phases anyway. My ds had a meltdown when I dropped him off to nursery the other day - we were all shocked. Turns out he was coming down with an illness - he had a stinking cold. Sometimes they can't tell us when they feel a bit off and it comes out like that.

I tend to cuddle ds when he has a meltdown - even if it's over something like he wants something but I've said no. If he's genuinely upset, he needs my comfort (I won't give in though and give him what he wants)

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