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Son whinges all the time ;-(

(6 Posts)
altovi Wed 10-Apr-13 15:51:57

I feel so bad writing this but I have really come to the end of my tether and need to vent!

My son is 4 next week and he is in the words of my husband a nightmare!

He constantly whinges and cries at everything; if his shoe lace isnt right, if he wants a drink; then he doesnt like the cup etc... he finds fault with everything and if he doesnt like something he moans about it all day!

He is constantly unhappy; he has in my opinion a lovely home; parents that live together and get along. He has his own double room and I bought him a fantastic Batman batmobile bed last year as he is batman mad!

I have two other children both girls; my eldest is 8 and my youngest is 18 months. My baby girl is always happy and has a sunny disposition.

He screams at the top of his lungs if you say no or he doesnt get his own way! He tells me to shut up; he pushs and fights his older sister and sometimes hurts the baby

What I dont get is he is an angel at pre-school no paddys etc! I have tried health visitors whom sent a nursery nurse round and ive tried reward charts; stickers, naughty step etc.

I work part-time and it sounds awful but I dont look forward to my time at home with him; I feel he spoils weekends with his constant griping.

I have played one on one; football club and hobbies to keep him occupied and active but nothing works

My husband works a 50 hour week and my mum is deceased so its just me really :-(

Sorry for moaning but its been like this for 2 years

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 10-Apr-13 17:08:17

If he is an angel at pre-school, hooray! That just leaves all his waking hours when you are home. confused At least he behaves outside home, that isn't always a given.

My DH and DS get more crabby as they get hungry, my DD gets grumpy if she's tired. I am peri-menopausal so I get to be cross all day long, I win!.

Is he at his worst before mealtime and bedtime or consistently all day long?

When you are home does he compete for your attention? You probably gravitate to your sunnier natured youngest or their big sister who can look after herself without even realising it because he's so negative.

Unfortunately it can affect everyone around him hence you feeling like he spoils the weekend.

Incidentally was he ever thus or was he too a sunny baby like his baby sister, easy-going, good appetite, settled sleeper? When you have a baby the one next in age suddenly looks so much older and bigger we can forget they're still only little.

Low level whinging is just him expressing his view very openly. He doesn't need to share his dissatisfaction and you'd rather he didn't but he doesn't get that yet. He isn't necessarily always going to be one of life's moaners. I know it's impossible to blank out, so can you try and adopt a "That's a shame you feel like that, how about if...?" or "Well that's how it is, now what about-" and distract onto the next thing?

Later when he's older you can establish that we don't always get things the way we want them but we try and stay cheerful and get on with it. Nobody wants to be around a grumpy person all day long.

In short change your approach to him if you can't yet talk to him about moods and getting along with everyone else.

What does your DH do with him?

altovi Wed 10-Apr-13 21:31:42

thanks for your reply

I have tried asking him his opinion or his feelings so I'd say why do you feel sad to cry all day or why are grumpy and sometimes he does give a reason and we have a little chat and that seems to be working - fongers crossed!

My husband doesn't do a massive amount with him as he is at work a lot and does two late nights a week so is home after the kids are in bed and every other saturday morning as well.

He was a very sunny baby and has always since ten weeks old slept through and is quite easy bedtime wise. Its funny because my baby is a very light sleeper and wakes a few times a night yet is a pleasure during the day.

My son eats ok and is more naughty when tired!

I find if I I take him somewhere like the park; playbarn; play-group etc he is better behaved for the rest of the day but I can't afford to take him placeseveryday or don't always have time etc.

I just wish he'd chill out a bit! He makes it a stressful household.

I lost my mum a couple of months ago and have felt very down about it all and I feel this is making my mood worse. I know he won't be like this forever I just wish he'd be happier sometimes. I have brought them all up the same; they have the same routine etc. In fact he probably gets more spoilt as he's the only boy but I just think I've done something wrong to behave this way.

The other week in aldi he threw a huge wobbler the whole shop was staring it was so embarassing!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 10-Apr-13 22:08:07

I am so sorry about you losing your mum recently. It colours everything for a while.

Did you and your DCs see her very often?

I called my DS a sunny baby. By the time he was 4 he seemed quite a serious little soul. I don't know if they pick up our moods or whether it's just how they develop. You are talking to him and balancing attention between all 3 DCs. I know work tends to get in the way and everyone needs a break but I hope your DH does get some quality time with them all.

Time out if he uses physical force against anyone or tells you to shut up. They have a knack for repeating anything derogatory you let slip in temper so be on your guard.

Paradoxically when he's moaning and not the best company, try more hugs.

Strop wise they all do it at least once in public so ignore judgey looks.

If you can let him burn off energy, good idea - outdoors if possible. It doesn't have to expensive - walks or a tube of bubbles, a balloon, etc.

2BoysAndNoMore Thu 11-Apr-13 12:56:51

Could he possibly be bored? Not trying to be judgemental as I can only imagine how much pressure you are under with 3 children AND work. I am not suggesting you need to 'entertain' him endlessly but what sort of things does he do round the house? Does he play well independantly? Does he play with his sisters?

I do sympathise. I know it's a different situation to yours but I currently have a 15 month old who whinges and cries literally all day. Every time I look at him he has a little frown and puts his little sad face on to whinge every minute of the day. When he does smile and stop moaning it's lovely but short lived :-( Being around a child who seems constantly unhappy is so draining especially when you do so much to try and make them happy!

DS1 was a bloody difficult baby and miserable til he could talk too so I think some children just don't like certain phases of their development. For mine they have both hated being babies and non verbal. I am praying to any Gods up there that DS2 cheers up in the same way DS1 did but if not I could very well be posting something similar to this in a few years!

DS1 is now 5 and on the whole lovely but he does get whingy and is prone to be anxious and worrying about situations that other children seem fine with. Could it be that your DS is extra sensitive? Maybe he is picking up on the fact that you find the girl's easier to be around and that's perpetuating the situation. Not that it's your fault. I am SURE my DS2 is already aware that I find DS1 nicer to be around than him which makes me feel guilty but then I think it's not anyone's fault. Being around whingers is hard regardless of the age of the whinger!

merlottits Thu 11-Apr-13 13:03:27

I think some kids are miserable children, to be honest.
Out of my 3, they are all so different in nature despite the same/similar upbringing.
My DS was a miserable whinge bag, always crying and moaning and this went on for years, probably till he was about 10 and had more independence. I literally hated his company throughout his childhood (everyone did!) He was also perfect at school.
He's 16 now and one of the happiest people I know. He wants to be the master of his own destiny and now he is (comparatively) he is more relaxed.

My DD2 is so sunny and happy, smiling all the time, lovely company. The temperament of your children really makes a difference to the quality of your family life.

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