My 4 year old is testing me.

[LittleEsme]

Help and advice please.

DD2 is 4. She's bright, funny, very affectionate, a giggler with a fantastic sense of humour and can be kind. She's also a real drama queen, tries to act older than her age (she has all the mannerisms - hair flicking, eyeball rolling, the nonchalant shrug which drives me mental), is very lazy and is now lying with increasing regularity.

She lies to get her older sister into trouble - "she pushed me, kicked me" etc. "I feel sick" to be shortly followed by "Can I have chocolate", lies about eating her lunch at school (older DD sees her shoving it all in the bin) - it all sounds so trivial when I type it now, but she lies with such ease and regularity, that it's really concerning me.

Her older sister (7) is the complete opposite - quieter, more serious, hard working, more introverted. I am very aware of being equal in my affection to them both and I don't know what I can do to steer her out of this habit. Tonight, she lied about falling out of bed when really, she'd kicked off her duvet to the floor, then sauntered downstairs to tell me that she'd fallen.

When I try to tell her that it's wrong, or that she must be honest at all times, I get a mouthful of cheek back! Honestly - this is testing me! I find myself being drawn into arguing with her. Half of me could throttle her yet the other half of me is grinning ruefully at her total gutsiness.

Help! Tell me how to handle this!

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Ooh it's like my life! I have DDs aged 8 and 5...so a year ahead and my younger is JUST like yours and the older is JUST like yours!

Let's get them together and let them all fight it out!

I think the little ones are seeking attention...mine LOVES one to one and I have to make sure they both get that as the older is less pushy about it.

Yours sounds fine...just testing the boundaries which is what they do isn't it. I have been tellin mine about the importance of sticking by your family.

[freetrait]

She sounds fun! . Sorry, my 4 year old is doing the same in slightly more subtle ways. It's when you find yourself arguing with a 4 year old (or 6 year old for that matter) that you realise a bit of re-instating who's in charge is needed .

[LittleEsme]

Exactly! How do I handle this though?
I AM THE GROWN UP I AM THE GROWN UP repeat ad infintum....

[freetrait]

Well, I find it helpful to get down to her level, look her in the eye and say "Who's in charge?" in a kind but firm way. And then when she says "Mummy or You are" (not always straight away..), I then explain "so, you need to do what I say, you can be in charge when you are a grown up".

It helps (for about 5 minutes).

[LittleEsme]

am so frustrated!
I think I'm in danger of being too critical, too pushy, too firm etc etc with her.
She's testing ALL boundaries at the moment. Today for example, in the garden...

ME: "Can you please take your wellies off at the back door when you go in - they are muddy"
DD: " But I'm only going in to get something"
ME: "Please take them off. It'll only take you a second more"
DD: "But it's only over here!!!" as she starts to sidle in
ME: (Roaring now) "TAKE YOUR WELLIES OFF NOW! DON'T YOU DARE GO IN! DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T...." too late.

I responded by taking off her the precious item she was retrieving and told her it was confiscated until she could behave (when she's 21 then!).

She then repeated the same above 15 minutes later to go to the downstairs loo, AND about an hour later to dash upstairs on the carpet, trying to justify it and make excuses as she went whilst I legged it after her.

Honestly. Is it me? Am I expecting too much?

[freetrait]

No, you're not, but I think she needs consistent, calm boundaries when possible (am far from saintly myself).

So, I think ideally after the first instance of wellies in house you should follow up straight away, talk to her calmly, explain why she has to take wellies off, and then give a consequence that will happen if she does it again. Then if she does, you do the consequence and she gets the idea of the boundary. Also, after first time it happened after explanation you ask for apology for not doing as she was told and for making mess. And you don't accept a rude "SORRY!"- but a proper calm "Sorry".

Good luck!