My son is just wonderful (as is everyone's, I'm sure).
He is caring and kind, charming and incredibly articulate. He is particularly interested in electricity: how things work, making circuits (a game called Hot Wires is a sage way to do it). He is 5 years old.
Since he has been at nursery (2 and a quarter), I've heard nothing but complaints about his resistance to go along with instructions - be it signing at singing time, stopping to tidy up, sitting on the carpet, etc.
I'm quite strict at home a d have tried everything. Sticker charts / other positive incentives, consequences, etc.
I've even gone so far as to photograph, laminate and cut up a picture if his favourite toy to give him one if four pieces of it to incentivise good behaviour. Nothing! He loves in the here and now I'll do what if like.
He's not naughty - just determined to follow his own interests, ideas and plans.
I'm despairing as its been complained about at both nurseries and now at school. He's been asked to leave: football, ballet, Zumba, drama, etc.
He doesn't endear himself to have friends although he would love to - because he tries to tell them (nicely but all the same...) exactly what to play with/ how to play with it. He's fantastic at setting up games, activities, etc and wonderful with younger children. I'm at the end of my tether as we have had play dates and mums have said, surprised, "He's fine, isn't he!". They've obviously been told by their children that he doesn't listen and is 'redirected' a billion times a day. His eye contact and interpersonal skills (BAR LISTENING TO OTHERS unless they're telling him about something he would like to know).
Feeling isolated and at the point of getting him assessed. Can anyone relate????
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Behaviour/development
DS: charming but controlling
Mummyoftheyear · 05/04/2013 23:50
Hi 
I have a nephew a little like this. He isn't really interested in anything you have to say as he's too wrapped up in his own world. He can talk the hind legs off a donkey but only about the topics that he finds interesting. It can be very draining, my sister finds it tough. My nephew has aspergers. I'm not saying that your son has this, it's something that you should consider though. There's a lot of wise and knowledgeable parents in the SN section so it may be wise for you to post in there as well. Just write a little about what he's like. Any sensory problems? Will he only wear certain clothes, eat certain foods? Won't hug? You mentioned something about eye contact and interpersonal skills in your post but you didn't finish the sentence.
I was told that a child with autism doesn't want friends, a child with aspergers wants friends but doesn't know how. 
I've no idea if it's accurate or not but I can see why. I do think that we all have a trait or two if we look hard enough.
I don't think this is anything to do with parenting, it's about his need to control the world around him which is uncontrollable if you think about it. He feels safe when things are his way; everything else upsets the balance so causes him a great deal of stress. I bet you're a fantastic mother, it's just that his need to control what's going on around him is strong. Try to change your perspective and see that you have no control over the world around you. People come and go, things change quickly, routines are a mess, you don't know what's happening next... ARGH!!! Wouldn't it be better if you knew what was coming up? That's (possibly) how his brain is processing information.
He could do with being assessed, it's a gateway to you all getting some answers and some support.
I know it's stressful, we went through 5 schools before we found one which understood (ds has traits of aspergers, hypotonia and a sensory processing disorder). I knew he wasn't 'naughty', he just wasn't singing from the same sheet as the other children. The parents in the special needs section will know of strategies that you can try but they may not be around tonight.
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You can go through your GP for an assessment, they will refer to the community paediatrician/OT. It won't cost you if you go down this route.
I know it sounds silly, but have you given him a time limit for his activities? 'You can do X for 10 minutes, then we need to do Y' and use a timer? Sounds like you need saint like patience but it's important for him to learn that even adults have to do things they don't want to do. If he wants an easier life he has to do as people have asked. I have a child who thinks he's an adult. He's very, very bright and would rather spend time with adults as they are more on his wave length. He's compliant and not particularly obsessive. It's incredibly difficult to parent a child with an old head on their shoulders, you're doing a great job and this has nothing to do with your parenting. 
Was one more effective then the rest? What about a visual timetable? It's trial and error I think, just keep looking for something that works. Mine's 13 and can be a bit quirky. It really does get easier.
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