Is DD too soft? And if so, what to do?

[ali23]

DD,5, is one of the world's sensitive souls. She likes to watch and observe before getting socially involved but flourishes in a 1-2-1 situation. She has had the same 'best friend' since nursery and for the most part - they are in primary 1 now, they rub along just fine and are good friends. However, when there are 3 kids together my DD is the one who seems to find herself left out. It's happened a few times at school ( although school have said that DD is bright, sociable and bubbly has no probs in playground) but yesterday at the park my DD, her best friend and another little friend were playing - and within five minutes they were running away from my little one and quite obviously not letting her join in. They were playing witches. If DD approached they shrieked and ran away from her. DD ended up crying . When one of the kids left, there was just my DD and her best friend in the park - and they went back to playing quite the thing. This is fine and they played grand for an hour. But i can't help thinking that I need to teach DD not to just jump as soon as someone has ditched her and then wants to be friends later. DD doesn't really have a side to her, if that makes sense, and doesn't get why her friends would leave her out. Do I need to toughen her up? And if so, how do I do that without compromising what is a pretty sweet nature?

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

I know...my DD had no "side" either...she had similar happen and also ended up as the middle pawn in a threesome where the other 2 both claimed her as their best friend which left DD upset as she would not leave one girl out.

My Dd is 8 now and she seems to have learned what is necassary to manage.

I remember I used to role play with her....I would make a teddy or a doll be a 3rd playmate and then I'd start whipering to the bear...saying "Let's run away from X" and the things that kids say....and then I'd see what DD would come up with in response.

SHe could not usually come up witha good reaction so I would get her to be the whisperer and she'd run off away from me...and I'd then call after them "Bye! See you..." and then go off and make a daisy chain/play with someone else/skip

I also taught her to come up with ideas for games to include 3...such as skipping with 2 on the rope and one skipping.

It gets better op honestly.

[ali23]

Thanks! Was really sad for her yesterday.

[Acinonyx]

Oh same here and this is just what used to happen in reception. We did roll-playing as well and endless discussions about how to react/join play/not join play/cope with groups etc. It started to click in year 1 and she's got the hang of it now. Quite excruciating for us mums though.