Eeeek first time mum needing help!(155 Posts)
I suspect this isn't the right place for this post but not to worry...
I was just looking for a bit of advice really..
First baby will be here any day now and I'm just feeling a bit anxious that I have no clue what to expect still. Never held a newborn baby without its fearful mother helpibg me or changed a nappy in my life :-/
When I ask family/ friends about what I should expect in the first week they will tend to pawn me off with some crap that their child has always slept well/ you'll instantly know what to do etc etc. just want to know an average 24hour routine/ or lack of for a newborn. Ie is there any logic behind why you'd choose to have a shower first etc. how often do you bath your baby? I know ill get into my own routine but just curious as to what you did.
I would suggest you listen to all advice, nod sagely, say thank you and immediately ignore any you don't fancy.
Remind yourself that people are only trying to help (often said through gritted teeth!)
My firstborn hated being put down at first, he wanted to stay in foetus position, my midwife suggested letting him sleep in his car seat for the first week.
Remember that if you don't eat/drink then you can't make milk.
There is nothing that you cannot eat one handed if you cut it all up while DH holds the baby (DS had silent reflux for 7 months and I became expert at eating one handed while balancing him on my other shoulder). If what you are acting is messy, cover yourself/baby with a tea towel or muslin and invest in some vanish.
Finally, I agree with the othe poster who said to bite your tongue when DH does something differently (I still do now, ds is 8, dd1 is 6 and dd2 is 2) different is not wrong (well sometimes it is, but get over it!) just different.
Ok, I said finally, but enjoy the baby, you can neve ave too many cuddles or too many pictures....
If you want to bf, make sure the mw helps as much as you need. With dd2, I was sent home feeding her by syringe with expressed milk. I guess they just assumed as I already had 2 that dd2 would know what to do. This was after dd1 had to have supplemental bottles as she lost 15%of birth weight. The thing was, having had complicated pregnancies and pending loads of time in before the birth (3.5 weeks with dd1 and about 6weeks with dd2) I was just desperate to get home.
Remember, however bad things get, it's only a haste, this too will pass.
babies.. feed them, change nappies and let them sleep thats about it, if you want to bath them do it, if not wipe them down, sleep when they baby sleeps and if anyone tells you are doing the wrong thing ban them from your house..lol, and dont listen to anyone that tells you your newborn should be sleeping through the night...
This might be a stupid question but do breastfed babies need burped???!
Yes they do but they get less wind than bottle fed. DD was both and her burps were always worse after a bottle. There's more air in a bottle than in a boob so the baby will swallow a bit more.
Regarding burping, as already said, yes, bf babies need to be burped, if bottle fed (formula or expressed) then colic bottles can help. I used mam with both girls even though they didn't have colic. Dd1 was on combined feeding then exclusively bf until I was going back to work and I think we tried every bottle until she accepted the different shape of the mam teat. Dd2got the same as I liked them, although I bought new as the others were pretty grim after toddler hot chocolates......
Babies are sometimes sick. Some babies are sick a lot. This is what muslins are for, and also bibs (later on when baby is teething, bibs are good for drool). If you have a sicky baby, double over a muslin and wrap it around the mattress under the baby's head, then
when if they're sick when you lay them down, you can change the muslin instead of having to change all the bedding. Muslins can also be laid on the changing mat to keep baby warm, and to soak up wee if baby wees during a nappy change.
If your baby is sick a lot and also appears to be upset by it, see your GP. If your baby is sick a lot but happy, then it is just a laundry problem (mention it to your GP anyway)
Another point, I struggled with my milk supply for a few weeks then 2 weeks after DD was born it was our wedding anniversary and we went out for a meal. Over night, my milk came in and boy did it ever. I realised that I had been eating like a sparrow and that doesn't help with milk production. Someone once told me that you need an extra 500 calories a day to produce enough milk. I don't know how accurate that is but I did start eating more and DD piled on the weight and I surprisingly didn't (didn't lose any either mind you). I developed a real sweet tooth but didn't want to pig out on junk food as I figured that whatever I ate, baby ate and I wanted her to be healthy. I ate loads of fruit but found that it didn't fill me up so I made up big bowls of fruit salad and had it for pudding after each meal, pouring lots of cream on it, and it was amazing. It satisfied my sweet tooth, my calorie craving and ensured I was having more than my 5 a day .
How exciting that your new baby is due soon :-)
A few from me:
- if you want to try and encourage your baby to sleep at night, don't talk to her or offer to play with her when you feed her at night. Just feed her then put her back in her cot.
- routines are more for the parents than the baby. Don't feel you have to do a routine. Do whatever works for you (personally I am a big fan if reclaiming my evenings at around 7.30 and knowing when she will next feed etc, but others are more relaxed and that's fine).
- it's fine to use a dummy! (From a few weeks old they suggest) and may save you from being a human dummy. Some babies are especially sucky.
- during the day make sure you get the baby used to people making noise around him when he sleeps.
Feel free to ignore though just do whatever suits you!
Brilliant thread, marking my place as I'm expecting dc1 soon great and sane advice here ladies!
Congrats forgetmenots it's such an exciting but overwhelming time! X
If it cries stick your nipple in its mouth, works every time
EXCEPT when it needs a nappy change!
Put on some gorgeous music, light your scented candles and let DP do everything.
asda own brand little angel nappies are fab, if wanting biodegradable ones the cheapest are at waitrose
white noise can send babies to sleep so if at a loose end try putting your washing machine or extractor fan on
sleep deprivation is a form of torture so be kind to yourself and lower your standards when it comes to everything-if youre dressed and showered by 3pm its a good day
if crying go thru this list- hungry? nappy?too hot or cold? if none of above then baby just wants a hug.
your sex life will one day return to normal. honest. however bad things are down below you will heal and enjoy sex again.
Get lots and lots of help learning how to bf - from midwives, here on Mumsnet, LLL groups etc. In a lot of cases you really do need a lot of help to get started - so don't be afraid to reach out and say I NEED HELP. Buzz for those bloody midwives if they're not there helping you! I mistakenly thought that if they weren't there I just had to get on with it myself and if I buzzed for help I would be diverting them from people with poorly babies etc. And if BF is not working you don't need permission from anyone to stop and switch to formula. BF not working is sheer hell on earth, and if it's stopping you from enjoying your baby and recovering from childbirth there's no point carrying on. But if it IS working that's great, carry on going and feed feed feed, don't let people try and make you feel you have to give bottles etc to "let others have a go"! In summary, feed the baby however you can and that's all that actually matters.
IT DOES GET BETTER. Much much much better. The first six weeks are very hard. But after that it gets PHENOMENALLY BETTER.
Don't worry if you don't feel anything for your baby at first. It's such a shock - you don't know what love for a child feels like until you learn it, if that makes sense.
LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FROZEN FOOD IN THE FREEZER.
But ultimately (this is not helpful, but true), there is ABSOLUTELY FUCK ALL you can really do to prepare with what it's like to become a mum for the first time. I am the most organised person you will ever meet, total Type A personality, and it totally floored me. So - just roll with it! Take it as it comes! Feed, change nappies, cuddle babba, look after yourself. You sort of just muddle along and learn how to do the parenting thing on the job.
Thanks for the honesty Zara ! I'm a very unorganised person so hoping some kind of mum instinct kicks in soon!
thanks Ilovecheese! You must post and let us know when your LO arrives - you've been organised enough to post here after all.
And thanks too Zara for the honest advice!
Just on the question regarding DH/DP - in my experience the single best thing you can do for both your baby and your OH is to give over the baby to your OH as much as physically possible. Leave him to it. You go and have a bath. Just let him do it. He can. The only thing your OH can't do is breastfeed.
He can do everything else.
He can do everything else.
He can do everything else.
Even if your OH seems a bit startled at first by this sudden high level of parental responsibility (he might have sort of assumed that you had some kind of womanly 'instinct' that meant you had more of a clue than he did!), he'll be glad of it in the long run. The result is a very deep bond with his child and just so much fulfilment.
If there's loads to do, don't be a martyr and try to run around doing it all as soon as baby naps. Say to him 'do you want to put on a load of washing or strip the beds?' etc. Give him a choice, so that he sees what needs to be done. Sounds a bit infantilising but the alternative is exhausted martyrdom or fights and neither of those things make sense.
Finally, don't fall into the habit of thanking him when he does a baby-related task. E.g., if he gets up to resettle the baby at night (at the stage where they are a bit older and not necessarily needing a feed that is), don't thank him in a grovelling grateful way. Acknowledge it by saying 'nice one' and giving him a cuddle or something. You're in this together!
So baby is finally here 8 days overdue!
Fern Caitlin just rereadkng all these while shes asleep for some tips before we head home tomorrow!!! Eeeek!!
Awww huge congratulations lovely name too. Enjoy!
Congratulations Ilove! I hope you're settling down at home now with Fern.
Ds2 arrived 2 days early on Sunday so think of me in the middle of the night - you're not alone at 3am, there are thousands of us all over the country with a fractious newborn! Once I remember how to feed and mn at the same time I'll probably be on here in the wee hours more often than not.
Oh, and sleep when she sleeps (I keep forgetting that) - I would be right now, if the community midwife wasn't due round any minute.
Congrats ilovecheese!! Beautiful name! Well done you!!
Congrats sleepyhead!!! What did you have?? X
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