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Why is dd behaving like this and how do i help her/ change it?

(5 Posts)
mamaLou13 Thu 28-Mar-13 07:31:55

Dd is 2.5 years old and she had a baby sister 6 weeks ago who she loves and is quite obsessed with (always wanting to hold her and help with changing etc, always jumps up to give her the dummy etc and we always involve her in everything) . The problem is that every morning she wakes around 5 or 6 and comes in our bed (which in itself is no problem at all we have a huge bed and are happy for both the babies to sleep in with us) She comes in and cries and screams and wails until we end up getting up because she is inconsoleable. I am not really sure why she is crying, i think it is because she wants to lie next to the baby and poke her and cuddle and talk to her. We don't allow her to do this because she wakes the baby up and us as she is so loud and a little rough (without meaning to be). We have tried saying cuddle up to your baby sister quietly and stay still not to wake her but she is not able to do that. This incessent crying is really causing a rift it our family now because dh gets angry and says we need to put her in her room with the baby gate on (which is not something i am prepared to do at all because she is obviously upset and possibly wanting attention so doing the opposite is surley going to upset her more. I just wish i could comfort her or do something to make her stop this. She gets so much attention and we try all the time to do things with and for her not for her to feel left out or anything. I think maybe we have spoilt her a bit? How do i sort this out? I have meaning to ask on here for a while but had hoped it would stop but this is putting a strain on mine and dh's relationship because we can't agree on how to deal with her, he thinks i am far too soft and she needs discipline but i think she needs love and attention but am i bowing to he every whim ultiatley making her a spoilt brat? I am so confused right now please give me some advice>?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 28-Mar-13 07:36:55

In your situation, I would have one parent get up with DD and take her down for breakfast.

I know 5 or 6 is early but it's not unreasonable for a toddler....that's something I read often on mumsnet, that while it's not great for a grownup, many toddlers wake at this time and that's it...their day has begun.

Instead of trying to lie with her and the baby, she needs to be given her own attention and her need should be dealt with.

She's poking the baby because she knows it gets a reaction and changes the situation...at 2 and a half she's probably had her sleep and doesn't need a lie down like you do. smile

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Thu 28-Mar-13 07:51:45

Until 6 weeks ao she was an only chld. Now she has to make space for a baby.

She needs you to show her she still counts, the above advice is very sensible.

She is crying because she wants to get up and all her parents want to do s lie around with the baby.

What your DH suggests sounds really horrible, the idea of shoving a crying toddler in her room is just mean and a recipe for sibling rivalry.

mamaLou13 Thu 28-Mar-13 09:25:07

I know i totally agree i would never punish her for being upset. He just gets really wound up with it but i can see that she just wants attention. Yes i think as you have said it is quite simple really one of us just needs to get up as soon as she comes in. The problem is she just really wants to lie with the baby and gets upset when we try to get up straight away aswell. It annoys me though because i will get up and be absolutley fine (maybe a bit tired) but dh gets up and is really wound up so that makes me angry and i end up getting up anyway and telling him to go back to bed as it is not fair n dd to have her daddy frustrated when she has no idea why!
My dd knows she still counts she has the majority of my time if anything the baby needs more attention, i am always baking or playing or having fun with dd to show her how important she is, i just worry that i am over the top with it and i don't want her to think she has anything she wants all the time. Its hard because i feel she needs extra attention at the moment to feel secure but at the same time i do seem to do anything she wants all the time.

gourd Thu 28-Mar-13 10:09:14

Agreed with other poster she does sound like she just needs some reassurance and is a bit unsettled by the change. She's not old enough to understand why she feels this or even to know that this is what she is feeling, so asking her about it will probably not help, but she probably does feel anxious and upset by it even if she cant articulate that. Does she have a baby doll that she can care for and bath, change etc? This may help if she is actively wanting to be involved but isnt able to be gentle enough - maybe she can parallel you, or have baby doll at those times that she says she wanst to cuddle the baby but real baby needs to sleep etc.. dont know if it'll work but it's a thought. Of course it may be that she just wants a cuddle, and the need to cuddle may not be resolved with a baby doll or stuffed toy, so you may need to perservere with getting her to cuddle Mummy/Daddy instead when the baby is asleep!

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