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5 Y/O deliberately doing the opposite to what's asked

(7 Posts)
BlueBumedFly Thu 28-Mar-13 07:03:11

DD is a nightmare when it comes to leaving the house, slowest child in history when asked to to anything constructive like coat, shoes etc. Not just with school but often when it's to her detriment, swimming, party etc.

But the biggest bug bear is leaving play dates. She runs off, hides (this is at other people's houses), cries, moans, shouts at me, whines etc.

I always warn her before I stop off. 'When mummy arrives to collect its home time etc.' when I arrive I count down, 5 more mins, 4 more, 3 etc. but when you don't know the parent you just need to say a hi and thank you and be on your way. But, she behaves like s nightmare and its driving me insane!

Some parents I know well enough to just pick her up and leave despite protestations (after the quiet in thr ear through gritted teeth 'if you don't leave nicely I'm picking you up and walking out' growl which can have some effect, but as I'm desperately trying up increase her circle of friends I'm new to some parents.

It's so mind numbing. Tried rewards, praising, removing treats, lecturing, talking, shouting and like last night upon getting her to the car screaming like a banshee.

I'm just so frustrated, why can't she work out its so damaging to do the direct opposite of instructions practically all the time, quire literally !

Please, any help?

She is fun and bright otherwise...

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 28-Mar-13 07:06:03

Simple. Absolutely no more play dates since she can't behave herself. She will soon learn.

Tinkerisdead Thu 28-Mar-13 07:07:13

Oh im sorry i have nothing to add. We have exactly this with my 4.5yr old dd1. Its always at the point of leaving her friends that the silliness starts. At preschool she bolted across the carpark trying to get in her friends car with her, at gymnastics its hysterics at getting into the car as it means leaving friends and playdates she runs off and hides etc. i have started to set the scene apologetically that we may have problems at pick up. But i'm doing all you are so watching with interest.

BlueBumedFly Thu 28-Mar-13 07:10:46

Yes... I have suspended play dates for a set period of time, thinking its improved then it all goes Pete Tong again.

Also she struggled to make new friends in a new class so play dates were part of facilitating this. But I know you are right sad

BeCool Fri 29-Mar-13 00:53:26

For a while I reminded dd -5 before EVERY play date that if collection doesn't go smoothly with good listening there would be no more play dates. I then used the key words from our conversation with stern encouraging looks when I pick her up.

Then we have a nice chat on leaving about what she did that was great and I thank her and we talk about what fun she had and what they did.

It's a huge turnaround from earlier scenes at home time. I think she now looks forward to our little moment together leaving play dates.

BlueBumedFly Fri 29-Mar-13 10:47:57

BeCool - I like the idea of the key words, that has given me an idea for a pre-agreed secret pasword, one we agree on whilst she is lovely and rationale that I can say during stressy moments that will anchor he back to our previous agreement without humiliating her infront of her new friends. Excellent, thank you.

And yes, I do need to be more congratulatory when she does get it right and not just expect that normal is enough praise for a 5 y/o.

BeCool Tue 02-Apr-13 12:04:40

Oh great - hope it works Blue. It has been a success for us & the key works/secret password helps to cut through the craziness of the 'moment' and touch base with DD.

When I've been in a rush the friends Mum has often asked DD to get ready before I arrive and that can work really well too.

The worst time was the Mum who fussed around DD whom was saying she didn't want to go home - hugging her, giving her sweets and presents etc etc because DD was kicking off at home time (I couldn't get a look it - it was a bloody disgrace.). Made everything 200% worse!

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