Can little boys (toddlers) play nicely?

[SuperDuperTrooper]

I don't offer get to take my 15 month DS to places where there are other children as I work. His childminder does that usually in the week. This week I have been off and have taken him along to the library and large mothercare - both of which have play areas. All I seem to see is the boys wanting what each other have and pushing each other off. Today one young boy, at a guess 3 yrs old, even pretended to his mum that my DS shut his fingers in some plastics windows and cried. I was there the whole time and no such thing happened - and I shouldn't think it would've hurt even if it had.

So is this really what it's like? Do they just constantly compete and upset each other? Also, do I ignore it and let them get on with it or intervene? First time mum here clearly!

[noblegiraffe]

It gets better as they get older. Mostly.

[Iggly]

Not sure Id restrict that to boys!

[BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail]

DD spends a lot of time with two lovely, gentle boys. She's always the one that causes chaos

[YellowandGreenandRedandBlue]

I don't undersatnd the continued gender stereotyping of boys and girls on this issue.

All children find it hard to learn to share to some extent.

Two major variables affect how the child learns to play, the child's own personal character and abilities and the effectiveness of the parenting/teaching it receives.

I expect if all you have seen is boys doing this two factors are at work - firstly randomly you haven't spotted so many girls not sharing etc and secondly, many people expect 'better' behaviour of girls so they are taught to share more whereas boys get away with it more.

Dont ignore it, teach your child to share and play nicely.

[Wolfiefan]

Thanks yellow.
I wanted to scream when out with DS and got the "boys will be boys" excuse. Why does having a penis make hitting, kicking or generally being vile ok?
Toddlers can be awful though. (Testing and finding the boundaries.)
Never mind the boys! DD can be a bloody menace!

[ScillyCow]

My DT boys are mostly lovely.

SOmetimes DT2 is a bit over zealous. He is learning fast that he gets a boring 3 minutes if that happens though.

[WhispersOfWickedness]

My DS (3yo) has always been the cool and calm one and would walk away from any kind of conflict. Some of his female friends are very boisterous and don't share nicely (including his younger sister ) so your experience is not the same as mine!

[LingDiLong]

It's not a boy thing, it's a toddler thing. And it is pretty normal at that age, yes. They don't understand the concept of sharing, they believe everything belongs to them. And, particularly at your child's age don't really know how to play together with something.

It does depend on the mix of children though, I'm a childminder and I look after various different toddlers in different combinations. Some combinations are fantastic and they play so well, others it does feel like I'm a referee more than anything else!

[mummy2benji]

My ds (now 4) went through a rather more boisterous phase when he started pre-school as there seemed to be a lot of hitting going on at school, and it affected his behaviour a little. Prior to that he always played very nicely and gently with friends and out at play centres. He has settled down again now and apart from the odd scuffle over toys that inevitably happens when young children are playing together, he behaves pretty nicely. I don't think nightmare overly boisterous behaviour is restricted to boys - some of the hitting going on at school was done by girls! And I think they all go through a wilder phase around 3 or 4. It gets better though!

[ArabellaBeaumaris]

Thank God other people have pointed out the ridiculous stereotyping.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

DS was a dream. Dd is 5 and she's a different story altogether.....

[SuperDuperTrooper]

There wasn't a girl in sight at either of these situations hence my reference to boys. If I knew this would become a stereotyping debate I would have worded my post more carefully. I simply wanted some advice and info on toddler behaviour and how best to deal with it so if anyone has some it would be much appreciated.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Was your DS one of the ones behaving badly? If so, I'd definitely intervene if he was mine.

If you want sone guidance have a look at New Toddler Taming or The House of Tiny Tearaways.

[HappyAsASandboy]

My DS is an absolute star when it comes to playing with others. He shares and helps, though he does back down a bit easily when others steal off him.

His twin sister on the other hand has to have everything anyone lease has got, even if she doesn't really want it. She snatches, demands and tantrums. We're working on it, and she is only little, but boy is she hard work compared to DS :(

I think toddlers in general struggle to share and want attention from adults. They take time to learn the social skills try need to play nicely.

[prozacbear]

I agree with other posters about this kind of stereotyping being ridiculous.

DS (22 months) goes to a nursery where the girls and boys all appear to be able to play nicely, but they also all have their moments. One of them bit DS (twice!) a couple of months ago, but the nursery and the other child's parents dealt with it and it hasn't happened since.

DS has a lovely little friend there, also a boy-child, and they play together beautifully, politely saying 'good-bye' to each other when it's over. But sometimes they can be hellions. And the girls are the same.