Struggling to cope

[Bunraku]

Hello everybody, I've been reading this site for about 1.5 years now but have never needed to ask anything but I am desperate for some help as my gp is useless and I feel like I'm doing this whole mum thing wrog and damaging my son,so here goes, I apologise in advance for the length but if you have any advice on any of the issues please please drop me a comment :(

My DS recently turned 2. I have three problems, the first:He does not have any words at all apart from 'hiya' which is used in any and all contexts. If I show him an object, repeat the word ect he will try to copy but only the syllables using a 'gur' sound so for instance getting him to say dog is 'gur' while asking him to say banana would result in 'gurgurgur'

I'm a SAHM and I spend all day doing countless activities with him, we go out, i try to read to him often but he doesn't pay attention. He doesn't seem to pick anything up and can't even request basic things like juice, up ect by words or pointing.

My second problem is:He only eats toast, cereal, crisps, chips,biscuits, raisins, squeezy yoghurt and nuts. Any mushy/soft food he just smushes into the table or ignores and I worry that he is hungry because obviously I can't give him much of a healthy diet when he just leaves what I give. when I put food down he will play with it and cry but I do not give in and if he doesn't eat what's there i just take it away and he leaves the table.

My third problem is probably a result of the above two as for most of the day my son screams, cries and throws things. He will happily play alone for hours but then suddenly if a shape won't fit ect he just melts down and even if I try to help he just pushes me away. Sometimes he tantrums for no reason but he can't tell me what is the matter.

I'm at the end of my tether with the screaming and crying and so are my neighbours who are now slamming doors and deliberately being loud to 'pay me back'
My husband works from 5am to 6pm mon-fri and does the bed routine. On weekends he helps out a lot but we are both so lost with this.

My mum passed away recently and his parents are of the " smack them and put them to bed" type which may be some parents do but I want to be able to help my son learn how to tell me what is upsetting him, not make him feel naughty for being frustrated if it is something that I am doing wrong bringing him up. there is nowhere else for me to turn as all my gp says is " boys are slow" but that can't be the sole reason as other toddlers his age seem to be speaking and pointing and eating proper food so I feel like the worlds worst mummy at this point and I am embarrassed to send my son to nursery for a few hours a week to play with the children,in case they think the same

[Firsttimer7259]

You poor thing, sounds like you are getting very worried and not getting any support.
I would go to GP and request a referral to community paediatrician. Take a list of things so you dont get side tracked or told to just wait and see. With speech note down whether or not he is trying to communicate in other ways, In terms of his speech and language try working out what pre-speech stage hes at? Does he point to show you things of interest? Does he share attention (look at you at somethoing then back at you)? Does he turn take? Does he understand you/follow instructions (can he follow instructions out of context)?This is all pre-communicative stuff that can help you be more specific about whats worrying you and can help identify if there is an underlying issue of real concern. If s/he brushes you off listen, nod, then say, 'yes but I still want a referral as I still have concerns'
If your GP wont do it change GP.
On the food try working around the texture issue, can you smear mush on toast/breadsticks to intrudce dips and other foods as a puree on toast. Could you make finger foody stuff Then you can give him things made into fritters that he can feed himself(check the weaning pages for recipe ideas - maybe try this if he takes stuff on toast as its aggravating to spend ages making something just for him to chuck it about) In this way if its the spoon or the feel of mush he doesnt like, you can work round that until you see someone and they can give you more advice.
ON the tantrums you just have to try to stay as patient as you can. Try to work out what really helps objectively rather than just assuming cuddles/talking equals comfort. You might be overwhelming him with input he cant handle when he's in that state. If you find interfering with him during a tantrum makes it worse put him somewhre safe and let him get on with it. Be kind about it, and cuddle after when he can cope with contact again. Give him something to bite like a cloth or teether and see if that helps him calm down.

If your neighbours are at all approachable tell them you are doing your best and you dont know what else you could do. Remind them that you are not disturbing them on purpose. If they dont back off forget about them.

Im sorry about your mum and that you must feel so alone right now, but dont take what your son is doing personally and ignore your partners parents as your child isnt being naughty hes trying to express/deal with something and screaming is his only avenue at present. He's a frustrated little boy and you'll get there.

My DD has sensory issues and tantrumed a lot. I have found regular bouts of rocking and bouncing help with some of it - OT suggestion. I have no idea what will work for you but keep you confidence together, its really really hard to have a screamy child. Pat yourself on the back for every tantrum you ride out with patience and kindness.

This advice is all coming from my experience which is with our DD with various issues and if none of it works do something that you find does help.

[Firsttimer7259]

Oh and put some multivits (like abidec) in his milk to cover your nutritional bases and use plenty of high fat foods like butter on toast, cream in his yogurt Check his weight if he's not gaining properly that gives you another way of demonstrating your concern is valid

[Bunraku]

Thankyou so much for your reply Firsttimer it's really helpful and informative.
In terms of speech he says gur for pretty much everything, if I ask him to do or find something simple, he can do it by copying me going through the motions first, and even if he doesn't I like to believe that it helps him in some way because he is engaging in chat with me. I never get mad at him or shout when he's having his tantrum because it's not his fault, but I do feel sad inside.

Love the idea of fritters! I'm not sure if it is exactly a texture thing, he just doesn't seem to be interested in proper foods and seems very interested in wiping/pouring any sauces/runny/mushy food everywhere, I suppose he is just exploring.He will ignore things like pasta,rice, spaghetti,sandwiches, meat and potatoes. He even turns his nose up at pizza! He lives for any and all drinks be it cordial,water, milkshake or fresh juice I really feel that he would try a fritter though so that's excellent i'll fill them with goodness! He doesn't seem to be losing or gaining weight so I doubt he is actually starving.

As for the neighbours I am just going to ignore them as they have given notice anyway. They do not know their landlord is my brother as I've never interfered with them or told them so because I never wanted them to feel uncomfortable in their house but maybe if I'm lucky a nice mummy will move in :)

Thanks again x

[CabbageHead]

Hi bunraku.. Hang in there, you are a wonderful mum doing exactly what you instinctively feel is best for your LO..

Def get referral for paed and maybe hearing specialist too? Maybe his ears are blocked (check out the high needs thread v post lots of our bubs are screamers with underlying medical issues like reflux, allergies etc)... Babies eustachian tubes are narrow do can get congested with fluid easily, ESP if they r prone to colds or reflux... He may not be able to hear you clearly ..?

Check out tongue tie as well, as this can affect speech and eating issues.

I have just been reading about food intolerances too that can really affect behavior..

It's so hard when u don't know how to help them and so annoying when people are less than supportive of you...

Good luck, make sure u stand your ground with the Gp, paed etc, because half the time they just focus on really huge medical issues and forget about everyone who are struggling 24/7 too... All the best and be proud of yourself and your beautiful DS.

[HollyMadison]

Sorry you're going through this. It's so hard. Have you had his hearing tested recently? My DS was diagnosed with hearing loss at about 15 months and the change in his behavior since he got his hearing aids is amazing. He also has food issues (he too does not appear to like food) and we are working with a speech and language therapist on that. If you can afford it you could have a single session with a SALT who will be able to tell you if he has physical problems affecting his eating eg problems with swallowing, and give you some techniques to try. You could do this whilst waiting for a referral to a pead.

You're not alone anyway.

[mommy21]

You must have had a hard time, sorry for you! It has been mentioned before but I have had similar experiences and can say that underdeveloped speech and hearing badly points to an ear problem.

[Bunraku]

Thanks again ladies, the only time he has had his hearing done is just after he was born and we only seem to have the one health visitor who never shows up to her own clinics because she's also out in the district and she is just so stretched poor woman.

My GP is absolutely useless. I feel (even though I probably am just being bitter) that she or her system is partially one of the reasons for my mums death too. She misdiagnosed hepatitis as indigestion to stay within the "10 minutes" but I won't go into that. I'll change GP even if I have to give my brother's address and drive all the way there.

I didn't really think about his ears being blocked but it does make sense that it could be a possibility since he seems to have his fingers in them a lot and doesn't seem to know his own volume. Aside from all of this he is wonderful, affectionate and likes to read his books or use the computer (screaming as he goes!) In fact the only time when he is totally silent is when he is sleeping which he does really well thankfuklly, watching the washing machine or erm...this is weird but...scrubbing the floor with the broom

I'll look to see where the nearest SALT provider is. I'm not loaded but if it helps sacrifices can and will be made.

Thanks everyone x

[Bunraku]

Should say ladies and gentlemen really. I have no idea

[HollyMadison]

My son is seriously into brooms too!!

[kipplin]

Just another consideration - tongue tie? Can DS stick his tongue out?

I do think your GP or HV should refer your little boy for hearing screening. it's free and simple to do. My DS had meningitis so we have had a number of hearing tests at the local ENT clinic. he may just have a simple case of glue ear, which some grommets would resolve.

With regards to his diet, I would keep putting a variety of food on his plate but not make a big issue of it. At least if he's good with drinks you can sneak in fruit/veg in smoothies.

I wouldn't worry about his tantrums - easier said than done! I imagine its a case of normal 2yr old behaviour compounded with the frustration of slightly delayed speech.

Sounds to me like you're a lovely mummy. Push for that hearing test, check for tongue tie and enjoy his good moments. Xxx

[orangeandlemons]

My ds hardly spoke at that age. Very little at all. He only started to speak properly at 3. He was much later assessed as dyslexic, which would have affected his language development. He was also really really fussy about food, terrible in fact.

He's at university now.......so am sure yours will come right

[Bunraku]

Sorry I'm only just back. Another terrible day of screaming and crying :( I think he may be a bit poorly as he's pulling on his ears a lot today.

Yes DS can stick his tongue all the way out he just doesn't use it to make any other sounds except "gur" and the occasional raspberry.

Going to make an appointment with a different gp on Monday when I get to play the wonderful "call at 8am" roulette