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ds (6.9) is rude and bad mannered and i don't know what to do.

(11 Posts)
losenotloose Wed 13-Mar-13 13:38:35

I've been trying to teach him please, thank you etc since he could talk and it just doesn't sink in.

Was just really embarrassed when a teacher just handed him his coat and he just grabbed it and said nothing. It feels like he has such a sense of entitlement he doesn't bother. Also, one of the other school parents was eating a hot cross bun and he kept loudly saying how nice it looked, hoping they would offer him one. Again, I've tried so hard to teach him it's rude to ask for other people's food, he doesn't care! Ds2 is 4.6 and doesn't behave like this.

I don't know what to do and start to feel I don't like him much. Please help.

xxDebstarxx Wed 13-Mar-13 13:46:30

Repetition and praise for good behaviour. If he doesn't say please or thank you to someone you must ask him to say it. Praise him when he says it. If he talks about someone else's food acknowledge what he is saying and then distract him as much as you can. Say something like yes it does look nice we are going to have something nice when we get home.

Remember he's a child and still learning his manners. It will go in one ear and out of the other. You need to reinforce it as much as you can.

Hope that helps.

losenotloose Wed 13-Mar-13 13:48:54

So is it normal to still be behaving like this at nearly 7? Just feels like he's never going to learn, have gone over these things again and again and again...

mamasmissionimpossible Wed 13-Mar-13 13:52:13

My ds is 7 and still forgets his manners. I cringe inwardly when he forgets as I really want him to be polite to others. I think it's a case of keep reminding him <sigh>

Muminneedofzzz Wed 13-Mar-13 13:59:05

My nearly 6yr old DS is rubbish at saying please and thank you and if does say it he says it so quietly you all an hardly hear, even though we always say it. I'm constantly having to say 'what do you say?' like he's a toddler, in fact his 2.8yrs sister nearly always says thank you and only sometimes needs prompting for please!

losenotloose Wed 13-Mar-13 14:22:09

Do you ever get angry about it? I'm starting to feel like my relationship with ds1 is based on all of his faults. I know it's wrong, but I feel like he is such hard work in lots of different ways.

xxDebstarxx Wed 13-Mar-13 15:43:16

Yes it's perfectly normal to have to remind them at this age. Just constant reinforcement and plenty of 'what do you say?' should help. It is completely frustrating but one of the joys of being a parent unfortunately.

I had this with my boys and I ended up complimenting them on the silliest things just to say something nice to them. Don't worry...they do get better.

losenotloose Wed 13-Mar-13 17:03:25

Thank you, that is reassuring, but when does it get better?? Being slowly driven insane! Doesn't help that ds2 is far more civilised, so end up thinking "if he can do it, why can't you?"

xxDebstarxx Fri 15-Mar-13 11:09:39

It takes time and the improvement happens gradually in my experience. You will notice one day that he is just behaving better and you can't remember when you had to reinforce the please and thank yous.

Stephanie16 Fri 15-Mar-13 14:32:50

Hi there my 5 year old needs to sometimes to be reminded to say thank u and please. I just remind her when she asks for something by saying what do we say when we ask for something or what do we say when someone gives you something and I won't do whatever until I heard it and she is starting to come around. Also when she says please or thank you without being reminded she gets a plastic golden coin in her jar whenever she reaches 50 she gets a little treat like colouring pens or a new story book. But regarding asking people for food I do not have this problem and I guessed you must have be infuriated when this occurred I know I would have. He needs to really understand that it is not an acceptable thing to do also punishment like timeout if he keeps on doing it when you ask him to stop. I hope I am not being too harsh but this is what I tend to do and it works for me.

Shellywelly1973 Fri 15-Mar-13 18:30:23

I agree with Stephanie. I have 5 dc ranging from 4 -23. It should be ingrained in ur dc by now. He dosn't need to have manners to get what he wants/needs.

I know i sound horrible but I've come to realise children learn by cause &affect!

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