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Did your toddler really, really prefer one gender over the other?

(11 Posts)
PirateHat Tue 12-Mar-13 21:06:18

Ds is really into men (and the odd woman he mistakes for a man).

I first noticed about 14 months old, he'd never been keen on female hvs etc - crying, wanting me to hold him but really tried to make friends with some builders we had around, handing them toys etc. From then it has been any male relatives (no matter how clueless with small children and how much their female partners have coo-ed after him), strangers, visitors, anyone.

His dad moved out when he was 2 but I'm not sure if this is relevant as it was already happening when he lived here. His dad says when he takes him out he will sometimes ignore him and try and make friends with someone else's dad.

People comment on it without me mentioning it. I'm not worried if he is gay but he has some other quirks and I've read it can be associated with ASD. He is seeing a paed due to speech delay (caught up now) and quirks and they didn't think it was significant.

Now he can talk he comments on how he likes this man, he's going to make friends with this man. Anyone had this type of thing?

And how do I disuade him from bothering strangers without crushing his friendliness?

MrsMushroom Tue 12-Mar-13 21:44:10

My DD1 hated men for ages...she loves them now she is old enough to understand that they're just bigger and louder!

Other DD is just 5 and she's always loved men...she's a rough and tumble type and knows that male relatives and friends are more likely to turn her upside down or chase her...she hassles them if they're sign that they're open to kids and she's tugging their hands and running up to them growling like a blinking dog....or she even announces "You're my you have to GET ME!"

Your DS wanting to make friends with builders and handing them toys is a darn good sign that he has not on the Autistic spectrum.

How old is he? He sounds very sociable.

PirateHat Tue 12-Mar-13 21:54:07

2yrs 8mo. He is sociable with grown up men but very rarely 'plays' with other children, will just walk off if they try to hug or hand him a toy. Maybe an only child thing?

He has good eye contact and his speech has really come on but there are a few things that I wonder about. Very good concentration, knew all letters at 18mo although was hardly talking, repetition, lining things up, ignoring me/everyone like he's in his own world, terrible sleeper, really fussy eater. These things might just be personality I know...

He doesn't care if they are friendly, no matter how much they look at their paper or phone he will persist. Makes doctors waiting rooms a bit stressful!

MrsMushroom Tue 12-Mar-13 21:57:27

My older DD didn't play with other children until she was 3 and went to preschool. She would play with her cousins but not strange kids at playgroup for example.

Does he point and wave?

MrsMushroom Tue 12-Mar-13 21:58:45

And can he follow an instruction such as get your coat...or put teddy to bed? Does he engage in pretending? Like....pretending one object is something else...a shoebox to put teddy to bed? Or pouring an imaginary cup of tea out and offering it to you?

PirateHat Tue 12-Mar-13 22:18:48

I forced taught him to point at 16mo and waving came after. Apparently because he did it eventually it doesn't count.

He can follow instructions but usually chooses to ignore and do his own thing. Gets very annoyed if you try and interfere when he's doing something or hug him when he doesn't want to.

He does the teacup, again because I taught him but not much imaginary play.

Also he screamed for the first 12 months, they ruled out reflux etc (can't believe I managed to forget this!). And breastfeeds loads still. Would want you to spend all day reading to him then another week just wants to do puzzles all day.

MrsMushroom Tue 12-Mar-13 22:50:23

Pirate you're obviously worried about ASD...if you are niggled by all of these things, the best option is to seek the opinion of your GP who can refer DS to a pediatrician for assessment.

He's young yes...but if he IS on the spectrum then the earlier you seek therapy the better the outcome. He is young though....however I see you are worried and nobody knows your child better.

PirateHat Wed 13-Mar-13 08:48:31

I've done that, paed says wait and see. I don't know how that fits with starting therapy early. I guess they want to see if he has problems at school?

Cakethrow Wed 13-Mar-13 08:59:53

DD has always strongly preferred women and this translated into her 'only' liking girls at nursery. It's only now at just turned 4 she is starting to like some of the boys at nursery.

DS1 is just 2 and has no preference whatsoever.

If you're worried i would speak to a healthcare professional.

PirateHat Wed 13-Mar-13 09:14:43

Thanks Cake. I have, as I said got him referred when he was 2. They said it might just be his personality, we have to wait and see.

Newyearoldmum Thu 14-Mar-13 19:47:53

My dd is 18 months and hates men - except for a select few like daddy and grandad. She gets really quiet and shy when there's men she doesn't know around. Which is so much better than the way she used to cry around them about 6 months ago.

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