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My 14 year old is bulimic , anorexic maybe byployer and self harms

(12 Posts)
Tina34 Tue 05-Mar-13 23:59:05

Hello everyone, I'm new to this site so I don't really know how it works. Can anyone help me, I have a 14 year old girl who is bulimic anorexic may have byployer and self harms every day. I got divorced to her dad two years ago because he was cheating on me with prosttudes and was taking drugs. I have a 14 year old, a five year old and a 10 year old. The court stoped my kids from seing their dad for a year cos of the drugs he was using, my 14 year old hates me and I am not allowed to tell her what her dad did all those years. I had 15 years of him controlling me and verbally abusing mr and the kids. One day I had a hysterectomy due to bleeding every day and pain, I came home from the hospital 4 days later and my ex husband beat e 7 ties in the stomach , I got a clot and nearly died and now I only have compasity of half a lung. I divorced my husband and a year later I met a lovely man who is very ill with primary progressive M.S but didn't know at the time. We found out after six months of being together. My two younger children adore him and my 14 year old wants to live with her dad but I have custody of all three kids. She self harms every day and wants to kill herself but doesn't do it with her dad. She hates me so much. I reed her diary I know I should not have but had no choice as he as gone mental. In her diary she says if she kills herself, she doesn't want me to say I miss her, or say hw beautifull she was and doesn't want me at her funeral . I told my doctor and we did an urgent referral to chams for an urgent pystriatric assessment. She told my doctor she is only living with me until she can go to a different 6th form which is in two years time then she is moving out and going to live with her dad. I told her if she is sooo unhappy she can go and live with her dad. She told me to choose between her and my husband who is her step dad now. She hates him for no reason and is totally out f control and torchers both of us and her rosters every day. My doctor told me not to give up on her but its too late. She has had two years of chances and won't listen. Can I put her in her dads care, do you think I'm wrong to do this . Should a 14 year of tell you what to do all the time. Her and her dad work together to make my life hell every day and they hth think its funny that I'm about to ave a nervous breakdown. My ex said out 14 year of cant live with him cos his girlfriend won't like it but he has provisioned our little girls mind so my view is he can have her. I have to take my daughter on Friday for an assessment and her dad said he is irking ad won't come, my daughter said she is Jon committed to want help. I don't know if she will go to this app. Her attendance is 98 percent and she doesn't care about school life family or anyone. Does anyone have any ideas what to do cos she is ripping me and my hand up and his illness is getting worse ad stress makes it worse and she don't care, he could die tomorrow or has 15 years maximum . She is selfish because she is getting a kick out of what she s doing. What should I do, do I tell her to go to her dads? Do I tell her I have reed her diary and am very hurt? I don't know what to o for the best , whatever I do she hates me that's ll she writes everyday and how she wants to end her life. My 10 yea rod has picked up that she is not eating and is ,missing lots of school and ads why she gets yo her dad son her own when it's meant yo e my weekend and why she can't go too. I know it's sounds stupid but I have no tie for this reckless behaviour anymore, I have suffered two years of it and can't do it anymore. I wake up with the freed of a new day every day, each day is a struggle to get through , I'm emotionally and mentally tired. Is their anyone who can relate to me. I'm so SAD at the moment . I feel I can't go on anymore too, the mer I reed the more upset and traumatised I am by her.

Tina34 Wed 06-Mar-13 00:05:54

I'm so sad

Tina34 Wed 06-Mar-13 00:10:54

(Sad) (sad) and (sad)

SirBoobAlot Wed 06-Mar-13 00:12:12

Who has come up with the labels of bulimia, anorexia and bipolar; you or the doctor?

You cannot blame her for her step dad being ill, it sounds like she has a hell of a lot to be dealing with; she will be trying to process everything you have from the last years, just without the emotional maturity of an adult. So try to remove the blame.

And giving up on her is not going to solve anything.

Tina34 Wed 06-Mar-13 00:13:43

Smilly (sad) how do I do this, I don't know hw yo do any smilies , can anyone tell me please.

SirBoobAlot Wed 06-Mar-13 00:15:53

Seriously, smilies are your priority right now?

FrankWippery Wed 06-Mar-13 00:18:28

I'm not sure that adding emoticons should be a concern to you somehow. How odd.

sausagesandwich34 Wed 06-Mar-13 00:23:28

Your timeline of events are out

I would go to bed and sleep it off if I were you and then get her some help

How do you know she is bulimic and anorexic?
If her dad is a drug user, she's missing school not that 98% is poor and has mood swings, I would be more concerned she has a chemical problem

mummy2benji Wed 06-Mar-13 09:02:11

I think you need to try to have patience with her, try to spend time with her just the two of you and do something she likes, even if she whinges and complains about it the whole time. Take her shopping and to Starbucks for a coffee / drink of choice. Get someone else to look after your other 2 kids so she knows she has your complete attention. It won't work overnight - she will probably refuse to talk the whole time or have an attitude and you'll feel like it achieved nothing. But over time the effort you make will gradually pay off. At the moment it sounds as if she has convinced herself it is your fault that you and her dad split up - difficult if you can't tell her the real facts. And she is hurting, blaming you and probably feeling lonely and traumatised by it all. However nice your new partner is, she has told herself that you love him more than her - so much of her behaviour stems from poor self-worth. You can only try to claw this back by being kind to her when she is difficult, and spending quality time with her. Don't tell her that you read her diary - she will see that as a huge breach of trust. Believe me, my mum read mine. I would also have concerns about her living with her dad if he is violent and a drug abuser - her safety has to be paramount. I think you should go back and talk to your GP and health visitor / social worker about all this.

Goldmandra Wed 06-Mar-13 10:46:28

I think CAMHS staff (for your DD) and your GP (for you) are the people to help you with this. Your daughter and your family as a whole clearly have very complex needs and suggestions from complete strangers on an internet forum are very unlikely to help you.

You need to talk all of this through with someone in real life who is qualified to help you and can see the whole picture of your family life.

I am worried about the comments some people might make on here and the effect they might have on you.

Please go back to your GP and ask for help to deal with your own emotions and make sure you are as open and honest with CAMHS as possible at the assessment even if your DD isn't comfortable with that. You can always ask to speak to someone alone.

I really hope you find someone to help you make sense of all these issues soon.

matana Wed 06-Mar-13 11:43:53

What goldmandra said.

chipmonkey Wed 06-Mar-13 12:24:55

Agree with Goldmandra. You need professional help, both your daughter and your whole family as a unit.
And you really can't think of letting her live with her Dad. He sounds dangerous.

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