13mo ultra-clingy with me but fine if I'm not around - why?(5 Posts)
13mo has suddenly become super-clingy with me - so he's often unhappy when I'm looking after him as I can't feed or carry him 100% of the time. I'd blame it on teething but he's happy enough when he's at nursery or with his Dad.
Is there anything I could do to make him less whiney and happier when I'm looking after him?
Or should I just be repeating to myself, 'this too shall pass'?
Dd is 11 months and we just seem to be seeing the light at the end of a phase like this. It really is horrid and exhausting.
like your dd she would scream her socks of while she was with me if I dared to put her down let alone leave the room but if I'm not about she's happy as can be.
I do have a little theory about it in our case. I work and I kind of wondered if she just couldn't tell the difference between when I was going to be away for a long period for work or something and when I was going to be away for a few minutes because I needed the loo. So for her every time I turned away I could be going for hours and hours, which must get a bit traumatic if I'm pottering in and out of a room multiple times. I tried to amend my behaviour in a couple of ways to help, I can't really say if they made a difference or if dd is just naturally getting over it but here they are anyway:
I tried to minimise the amount of times I seemed to leave her. If I was looking after her I tried to stay within eye sight or at very least talked to her as much as possible so she knew I was about. We have a tiny flat so this is pretty easy for me as I can chat to her from the other end without much effort. If dp was with her while I did other stuff I stayed out the way and tried to avoid popping in and out doing things or checking on them.
When I leave for work or a long amount of time I do a big goodbye with my coat on, kiss, cuddle etc to try make it different to when I'm just nipping to the next room. I then never come back for anything once I have left (well obviously I do come back, but you know what I mean).
My general aim is to help her tell when I have gone for a long time and when I'm not so she knows then what to expect and that she hasn't been abandoned on her own for hours when really I'm just having a wee.
She does seem to be getting better now and happily sat on her own playing the other day while I did some bits in the kitchen for a few minutes which is a major advance so if all else fails just go with the 'this to shall pass' and ride that mo fo out
My dd at that age was the same
still whiney now at 19 months I think separation anxiety kicks in again around this age as they can't think like an adult and think you're not going to return when you go in another room.
I agree with the pp who says constantly talk to him and reassure him what you are doing and where you are going within the house. He will begin to understand eventually.
Teething will make a huge difference to his personality (well it does with my dd, I describe her Jekyll n Hyde!) Use calpol and teething gels, toys etc, it'll take the edge off. Dd is far less clingy when she's not teething. She too is perfectly fine when with her dad, at nursery or her nans - it's like she sometimes plays up for me on purpose
I know she doesn't!
My DS' childminder, with lots of experience, said that separation anxiety peaks at about 14 months. They understand that you can leave them with no understanding that you will come back so they get really freaked out. Lots of games of peekaboo can help. It helps them to see that one second you're there, then you're not but then you can be there again!
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