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Come tell me dd isn't really behind for her age...

(111 Posts)
BeaWheesht Fri 01-Mar-13 17:32:19

Tool dd to doctors today as she's been unwell - when nurse listened to her tummy she was aghast to see she's still in nappies and told dd she was far too old to be wearing nappies.

Dd is 2y5m - I had planned on potty training at the start of January but we've all been ill with various things since then.

So, tell me, is she really 'far too old' ????

ChristmasJubilee Mon 04-Mar-13 15:35:59

Ds 1 was "trained" at just over 2. Well except for a couple of poo's in the garden and one on the doorstep (witnessed by the posh neighbours). Oh yes, he had a few wee accidents on people's settees, in cars, every time he dozed off and in the supermarket at most visits. So not really trained at all but so many people said he shouldn't be in nappies that I believed them.

I left ds 2 in nappies a bit longer and he did it himself at 2.6, day and night, no accidents.

Ds3 - we had several attempts before his 3rd birthday with no success. Both myself and my very experienced childminder knew he wasn't ready. He started nursery at 3.2 yrs in pull ups and was clean and dry a month later. He is still in pull ups at night at 6.8 yrs. They are all different.

MidnightMasquerader Mon 04-Mar-13 02:32:21

The idea that it's 'degrading' is pure projection, because adults imaginging themselves in the scenario would feel 'degraded'. Adults have had a lifetime of toileting being something you do in private behind closed doors, and have learnt that poo and wee is not nice.

Children still in nappies - as we all know full well - couldn't give too hoots about it. They don't feel 'degraded' as they know no different.

Amusing what lengths some posters on this thread are now going to, to make people fee bad. Why, I have to wonder?!

Startail Sun 03-Mar-13 23:27:03

Both mine were two and nine months, I know exactly because they had to be for preschool (12 and 15, they now have to be more relaxed).

We were in the USA in other people's cars up to the day DD1 started preschool, so she'd had pull ups on.

I did a lot of finger crossing the first few weeks.

akaemmafrost Sun 03-Mar-13 23:24:40

It appears from this thread though that MOST kids who train at 3+ do it in a couple of days though confused. I don't think I have read a single post about issues arising from "late" toilet training. You'd think on such a thread, there would be a few of those kinds of stories wouldn't you?

MiaSparrow Sun 03-Mar-13 23:19:16

How silly! Of course not. Maybe the nurse was saying it to your DD in a flippant way to try and encourage her to be a 'big girl', like people do. She probably remarks on the over one's for example still on bottles... 'Oh you're not a baby are you?' Could it have been that kind of thing?

DD's just two and she may well be ready but I'm jolly well leaving it to the summer.

Have been talking to my old mum about it and she says I started at 2.6ish and it only took a week so I'm hoping my DD will be the same.

I do think some older people remember things differently when it comes to infants' development (although that's no excuse for a nurse!)

BeaWheesht Sun 03-Mar-13 22:50:37

<backs away slowly>

gets a bit depressed that my most successful thread to date is about toddler wee and poo and think it might say something about my life

MajaBiene Sun 03-Mar-13 22:33:16

Kiwi, I think you are right about the "degrading" thing. I find it quite degrading for the child when you are changing the nappy of a walking, talking almost 3 year old. IME (in nursery) children who are trained nearer 2 do it with no problems, those that are 3+ seem to have a lot more issues with withholding, not wanting to use the toilets, only pooing in nappies, getting stressed by the whole thing. That's just my experience though, I'm sure some kids do train in a few days at 3+.

Kiwiinkits Sun 03-Mar-13 22:29:34

I think poo withholding is one of the 'isshoooes'

Having a toddler deliberately poo in his nappy is just wrong and has potential to become a bit degrading, I think. Why not teach him how to do it properly, like using a fork.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 22:15:42

Ha ha at deli inaction?! Bloody auto correct! Elimination communication it should say!

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 22:15:00

Yes its pressure and also temperature change, partly reflex. A baby hadn't got control if their muscles to 'hold' in a wee. So if theory need to we they wee when their bladder us full and as little babies that is frequently, apparently the amount if urine a bladder can hokdis related to their age/size.

There is lots about iuf you Google.

Yes you can do deli inaction communication with younger babies but that is nit training in the sense if them being award of needing to go, being able to'hold' it and then wee/poo when they choose to in a potty/toilet.

piprabbit Sun 03-Mar-13 22:13:12

My DD was potty trained by 18 months. But my DS chose to continue using nappies until he was 3.5yo (definitely his choice - he told me he would stop using nappies when he went into Nursery class and he did).

At best parents can gently persuade, but you can't work against your child's natural preferences, development and personality.

Badvoc Sun 03-Mar-13 22:09:31

I think the fact babies wee when your take their nappy off is that the pressure from the securely done up nappy is then released, but will agree to disagree.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 22:08:59

brettgirl2 Sun 03-Mar-13 22:07:08

That an 11 month old cannot control their bladder is nonsense. Newborns choose to wee when you take nappy off we train them to go in nappies! Mine is 13 months and can certainly control her bladder, as she deliberately wees and poos on potty......not that she's ready to go nappy free grin. My reason for putting her on potty early was my experience of my first daughter and poo withholding.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 22:06:06

Exactly 5mad - it doesn't necessarily take ages when you do it early. DD turned 2 and it happened in under a week.

The point was - she was ready, which is why it happened so quickly. But all children will be ready at different ages.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 21:58:25

No its doesn't necessarily take an age if done early ds1 trained at 18mths, but if a child is ready it won't take ages. But they have to be ready and it us related to neurological development and bit something you can force, some are ready earlier but others are not. I have had one train at 18mths and one at 3 yes 5mths, both trained in a few days and both are normal.

Badvoc Sun 03-Mar-13 21:58:12

11 months!?
Is that a joke?
Basic child physiology tells us that a child is simply incapable of controlling either sphincter until past 18 months.
By all means sit them on a potty and read to them, but they might as well be on a comfy chair!

Badvoc Sun 03-Mar-13 21:56:08

Both of mine were nearly 3.
Ds1 was dry by day within one day and ds2 managed to be dry day and night in a week.
Don't stress.
Wait til summer when she can run around without a nappy on.
Good luck x

Helspopje Sun 03-Mar-13 21:51:11

it doesnt necessarily take an age when training early - my DD went into pants at 1y9m with a pull up for daytime sleep and a nappy at night. pullup went at her birthday and still wondering when to bite the bullet re. overnights (2y7m). did the gina in a week method - took 3-4 days.

FWIW she had horrific nappy rash regularly despite all manner of prescription barrier creams and frequent changes so we had a huge incentive to get her out of nappies.

akaemmafrost Sun 03-Mar-13 21:38:03

Yes I am interested in what the "ishooooes" are too?

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Sun 03-Mar-13 21:36:24

As long as the child is toilet trained before they start school, (SN and medical reasons aside) I personally don't see the problem with waiting until they were ready. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a 2.5yo in nappies.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 21:30:03

Oh and advice has also changed as there is now more medical knowledge on his it works and when babies are physically able to control their bladder and when their hormones change and instigate night dryness etc. Babies of 11mths aren't physically capable of controlling their bladder, you may get lucky and 'catch' them emptying it, but that isn't toilet training in the proper sense of them being aware and in control if the function.

5madthings Sun 03-Mar-13 21:27:15

Why spend months and months trying to train them when they are not ready? With all the associated extra washing and a possibly upset toddler who doesn't like having accidents when you can wait for them too be ready and then do it in a matter if days?

My four boys all trained at different ages, ds1 was 18mths and did it himself, ds2was 2 coming up for three as was ds3 and ds4 was 3yrs 5mths, he just wasn't ready before then but got it in two days once he was, no accidents from then onwards.

Dd is 26mths and not ready yet.

Waiting doesn't create issues, making a young toddler try when they are not ready can definitely create issues and upset tho.

Seriously once they are trained no one cares what age they were trained, its not something asked on their UCAS form etc.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 21:13:50

Slowly, slowly catch a monkey.

Or, you know, wait until they're ready and do it in under a week. confused Our mothers used to train very early as washing out terry nappies every day wasn't exactly a bundle of laughs. Nor was the constant nappy rash. And as a result, potty training was generally something that took a very long time.

Kiwi - you do it your way, and let others do it theirs.

I really don't know what people think will happen if they don't do it quick sharp, the moment they hit, say, 18 months - still be in nappies at 15 years of age...?! Well, as we all know, that simply doesn't happen.

I also don't know a single child who was trained 3+ who has any "isshoes". Again: scaremongering.

CelticPromise Sun 03-Mar-13 21:04:41

Fair enough. smile I hate the waste of disposables too.

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