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4.5yo DD wetting in the day, how can I stop it driving me nuts?!?

(20 Posts)
elportodelgato Mon 11-Feb-13 21:14:18

DD1 has been dry since about 2.5yo apart from a few normal accidents. Now she has suddenly started wetting every single day at school or at home and I am beyond frustrated with it.

We tried ignoring it 'oh never mind everyone has accidents' type thing, then when it was obviously happening every day we put spare clothes in her gym bag but she won't change herself, will just sit in wet smelly clothes all day hmm we have spoken to her teacher and TA, started a star chart at home etc. Every day we have the same conversation about the importance of using the toilet when she needs it, staying dry etc to no avail. She says she doesn't like the school toilets as they're dirty but this was not an issue at all last term.

I am honestly so cross and at the end of my tether with it. Today she STANK when i collected her and it turned out she was soaking through and also had failed to wipe properly after doing a poo and had poo all over her too, had to shower her down to get it all off, so disappointed in her hmmconfused. All this evening i've been asking her 'do you need a wee?' always she says 'NO MUMMY!' like I am being an idiot, but come bathtime she had wet through all her clothes again. I'm ashamed that I have totally lost my temper with her in the last week, it just seems ridiculous and actually wilful on her part.

Can anyone advise how to a) help her stay dry somehow and b) help me to stay calm and deal with it better? I am BEYOND CROSS at the moment which I know doesn't help hmm

Oh, and yes I have taken her to the docs and there is no UTI

movicolisfab Mon 11-Feb-13 21:45:03

It sounds very possible that she is impacted. The impaction can press on the bladder and cause wetting. If it is impaction she may have no warning of the overflow poo passing and it will be totally out of her control as will the wetting.

Please dont be fobbed off by the GP. They frequently just feel the childs stomach and say they cant feel the impaction or that she cant be constipated because she does not strain to pass stools.

My DS was severely impacted for a couple of years and it was only found by xray, not feeling the stomach. However we were unaware that he had ever been constipated and he passed poos daily of variable consistency. He was wetting and soiling throughout this time

He has now had to be on 4 different medications for over 2 years and has still not regained sensation in his recturm from the long term damage caused by the late diagnosis.

This was despite DS having classic symptoms such as daily wetting. Please do not be angry it is extremely unlikely that it is deliberate. In fact 95% of children with soiling are due to constipation/impaction so it is the most likely and worth having properly investigated first.

elportodelgato Mon 11-Feb-13 22:18:04

Hi movi - sorry to be really stupid but I know nothing about impaction, can you tell me any more?

movicolisfab Mon 11-Feb-13 22:40:02

have sent you a pm

DeWe Tue 12-Feb-13 09:08:19

I agree. Sounds just like my dc who was impacted. It took about 2-3 years to totally sort it. sad

Does she complain of tummy ache at all?

movicolisfab Tue 12-Feb-13 09:41:08

Please dont dismiss it if there are no complaints of stomach pain. It does cause stomach pain but in my DS's case he had become so accustomed to stomach pain he never mentioned it as he didnt know any different.

zigzagzigzag Tue 12-Feb-13 10:16:37

Also have a look at the ERIC website - this was really helpful to a v good friend of mine

DeWe Tue 12-Feb-13 11:15:54

Oh, yes, lack of tummy pain doesn't mean that it's not constipation. More that if there is then you can ask for investigations for long term tummy ache which may well include a scan/xray, which is what picked up the constipation for my dc. (although the GP suspected)

babyjane67 Tue 12-Feb-13 15:06:15

sorry to steal the thread but my4yr old dd has started doing this again!!
shes been potty&loo trained since the summer hols last was really good for a while then started having lots of accidents!
we started a reward chart which worked so she was dry for while again but now in the last wk or so shes started wetting again!!
she does it at home&preschool&when shes had playdates.i always put change of clothes in but shes quite happy to stay in it too&will sort of just stand there&look at you sometimes then when you realise what shes done she'll say ive had a wee!!!
she most days has a poo&very often has two or three!!so not sure if thats impaction but dont know why shes started having accidents again!!

elportodelgato Tue 12-Feb-13 17:27:16

Thanks for the PM movicol, really helpful and lots to think about. It sounds like you had a terrible time getting your DS diagnosed properly sad are things improving now?

DD actually went for a scan about 4 months ago when she had a shorter spate of accidents but no UTI came up on the urine tests. The scan showed nothing unusual with her kidney function but would an ultrasound also pick up impaction or would she need to go and have an Xray to identify that?

I am going to call the ERIC helpline in the morning and see what advice they can offer. DH picked her up from school today and she had had 2 accidents, pretty major ones as they'd had to find a new skirt for her from somewhere. I am so so sad and frustrated with it.

elportodelgato Tue 12-Feb-13 17:28:21

PS: yes, she does occasionally complain of tummy pain, sometimes she does a poo and then is all better, sometimes she's just hungry, but now I'm wondering if it's something more

oooggs Tue 12-Feb-13 17:40:55

This is the same as my dd who is nearly 6. She is wet every day and smells. It is because she doesn't drink enough. She has seen a specialist who said that her wee is so strong (due to not enough fluid intact) that her bladder rejects it and 'spits' it out. hence the wetting. She doesn't just wet herself, but it drips out and at the end of the day her pants have a 'lucozade' tide mark on them. She has to drink 200ml x 5 a day to dilute her wee ad help her bladder recover. It is being a long process (was seen in sept) and still not dry again:-( . Do you think your dd is fluid related?

elportodelgato Tue 12-Feb-13 19:52:43

Hi oooggs, I have never heard of that, how difficult for both of you. DD seems to drink normal amounts of water, milk and watered down juice every day and I'm actively encouraging her to drink more which she doesn't fight against. When she does wet herself it's torrents rather than a little leak.

My DH is dealing with it much more calmly than me, I am so bewildered and sad about it and want it FIXED, I know that's silly but I do.

Primrose123 Tue 12-Feb-13 19:57:34

Please don't be cross with her. I had this problem at this age, and it turned out to be a valve that wasn't working correctly, and I physically couldn't stop if I needed to wee. In fact, I didn't even know I was doing it. I had lots of tests and x-rays over the following years, along with lots of kidney and bladder infections. Luckily it cleared up by itself, but I wasn't lazy, I had no control.

movicolisfab Tue 12-Feb-13 20:33:29

A bladder scan does not show impaction it would need an x-ray and they are very reluctant to do x-rays hence why they usually feel the stomach which is quite ineffective.

My DS had bladder scan - it was useless as he couldn’t keep a full bladder for the scan as he had no bladder control due to the impaction.

Drinking at least one litre of water a day is important for impaction as well as in ooooggs example. OP yours doesn’t sound just fluid related if there is soiling too.

I spoke to ERIC many many times over the years of misdiagnosis and whilst they were always friendly no one I spoke to there ever suggested it could be impaction. Everyone appeared unaware that a child could be impacted if they were passing stools several times a day and especially if the parents were unaware that the child was or ever had been constipated. Unfortunately there are many cases where it has occurred and then diagnosis has often taken a long time. If you speak to ERIC I would be interested to hear how you find the experience as I did explain all this to the lead trainer and she agreed that they would include this in their future advice.

The NICE guidelines need amending to recommend professionals consider impaction even if a child is passing stools and does not have the classic straining hard stools constipation and that they consider if it could be overflow.

babyjane67 Tue 12-Feb-13 21:01:21

can i ask what eric is?would it be worth me ringing them for my dd?

babyjane67 Wed 13-Feb-13 11:28:04


oooggs Wed 13-Feb-13 12:11:03

this is ERIC

babyjane67 Wed 13-Feb-13 19:48:42

thankyou ooogs for the link.ive read some very good&similar stories to ours

elportodelgato Sun 17-Feb-13 22:06:18

Just wanted to pop back and say thank you for all the great advice. DD has been dry now all weekend, it's definitely something related to not wanting to use school toilets / feeling embarrassed about asking to go in the school day as she is perfect at home, and even last night when we were staying with friends. I hope we can sort it out over half term. Thanks for all the support, esp movicol smile

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