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3 month old with selective 'stranger' anxiety?

(11 Posts)
Passmethecrisps Fri 08-Feb-13 20:37:00


I have a 3 month old daughter. Apart from pretty nasty reflux she is generally a smiley, gurgling joy.

However, she seems to be developing some kind of anxiety which currently presents itself with my best friend and my mum.

She has been in my mum's company several times since she was born (we live 150 miles away) and mum has always been a calm and relaxed presence. I have been with my parents for a couple of days and my DD simply will not be held by my mum. When I arrived I handed baby to mum and nipped to the loo. When I got back baby was crying and it just got more and more shrill until I took her back. This happened every single time mum tried to hold her.

We tried all sorts - I stayed in the room, waited until she was fed, well rested and so on. Same response.

Just to make matters worse DD did happily allow herself to be held by my granny and my aunty - two complete strangers. Last week she was being passed around toddler group and being licked by some excitable 3 year olds. No problems there.

She reacted the same way with my best friend. She has also met her several times and previously been fine.

I would love to know if anyone has any ideas. My poor mum looked broken! Actually, so does DD - the cry is desperate.

Other info is that she was inoculated on Tuesday. This wouldn't explain her reaction with friend three weeks ago however.

UmBongo Fri 08-Feb-13 21:28:30

Sorry, I clicked to see if there was an answer yet! My 9 month old has started to crumple and burst into tears at the sight of random men. One of them is her grandpa! I am just going by the usual mantra of "It's just a phase, this too will pass"

feekerry Fri 08-Feb-13 21:42:45

yep my dd had/has this. currently 10 months. dd is like it with selected family members only. v awkward but its just the way things are. it will pass.
i think the best thing to do is make dc secure. so keep with you. don't force on a relative if they don't like it. they will come round in own time x

Passmethecrisps Fri 08-Feb-13 23:44:26

Thanks ladies.

It's terrible when it is a muh loved person who wants cuddles. I wasn't prepared as she is still so young. I will stick with little and often until she feels a bit more secure. I think she might be a sensitive wee soul!

Thanks and hope your LO's come round

ThreeWheelsGood Sat 09-Feb-13 10:27:05

Same happens with our 3mo! She is smiley and jolly with everyone except my Dad who she bursts into tears around. My DH's theory is it's the way he talks, a bit singy/soft, but I can't work it out. It's a shame. It might just be timing - maybe I always hand her to him when she's already tired/overwhelmed, unfortunate coincidence.

ggirl Sat 09-Feb-13 10:33:47

my ds was like this with certain people

i think it was something to do with elderly ladies especially ones with dark eyebows and light was bizarre

he was terrified of my mum and dh's gran

my mum lives in Canada and it was heartbreaking when she came to visit and he wouldn't let her cuddle him

It was a phase and I think he was about a year 18mos when it resolved , ..sorry hope your lo's phase resolves quicker

he's 10 now so can't remember times exactly

Passmethecrisps Sat 09-Feb-13 10:58:04

three I wondered about timing as well.

How bizarre ggirl. DH and I are now running through everyone's hair colour.

clabsyqueen Sat 09-Feb-13 21:08:10

Do they wear strong perfume maybe?

Passmethecrisps Sat 09-Feb-13 21:47:13

Not strong to me certainly. DD had lovely cuddles with a different friend today. No lip curling then screaming.

Hope it was just a wee phase!

GinMonkey Sun 10-Feb-13 14:18:03

Second the perfume suggestion. At 2 months, DD went crazy when held by a friend, neighbour and health visitor - all other friend, family and random encounters were fine! We then realised all three women were wearing strong perfume and she just did not like it. I used to wear perfume but hasn't bothered since she was born. She's nearly 11mo now so I'm considering reintroducing it again!!

Floralnomad Sun 10-Feb-13 14:21:48

My daughter was like that at 6-9 months with women with dark hair , I remember as it was particularly inconvenient because all the women in the crèche at the gym I belonged to had dark hair . I just gave up going to the gym .

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