I'm all out of ideas and patience

[tinkerbelle31]

Hi I'm new to the group and would like some advice I will try to explain my problem as best I can and hopefully some one can help me I have 2 children and 1 step-son I would like to say I love them all equally but I would be lying I favour which ever one is giving me the least headache at that time, my 1st problem is I'm at my wits end with my kids my dd is 11 and quite hormonal she has convinced herself that my oh doesnt love her and infact hates her (me and oh been together 4 years) this has only come up in the last few weeks and it breaks mine and his heart that she feels this way, she is also become very agressive to my youngest son but not my step son ?? both equally annoy her but she just yells at my step son? how do i help her understand we all love her?
2nd problem my son is 5yr old he has weekends at his dads and has moved in reception class at school recently his dad decided he wasnt going to return him to my care saying that i was an unfit mother it took me a week of going to court to get him back as i didnt have a residency order i have temporary one now as we are all beng investigated by social services to help the courts decide what is best for my son,I know this was an upsetting time for my son and have tried my best to deal with the fall out for this but his behaviour is beyond a joke he wont sleep on a night not going to sleep till 10-11 at night but the sleep thing has been going on for over a year his dad keeping him is recent for the sleep thing we tried sticker chart,rewards,time outs, later bed times, earlier bed times, sitting in the bedroom sitting outside the bedroom door and ignoring it and we are at a loss at what to actually do all these things were tried for a length of time but dont work for long 1-2 nights at most I have also tried explaining to him why he needs to be in bed and why i need him to be in bed to no avail any suggestions because im think of tucking him in with duct tape! he has also began stealing of us and school nothing really of value but things that he knows he shouldn't take we have taken the ususal steps explain its wrong make him return the items removed a valued possession of his all at the same time to no avail i realise this coud be attention seeking behaviour and try to spend time one on one with him when he hasnt being stealing in between all this i have to deal with mood swings and violent outbursts I love him with all my heart and i do enjoy spending time with him sometimes other times i want to run as fast as i can in the other direction from him when he's in a strop
I understand alot of these things could be a reaction to recent changes to our family my step-son came to live with us a year ago he has special needs but he's a lil star the occasional tantrum but thats to be expected when u have trouble communicating and have no motor skills he has global developmental delay, my step-son came to live with us as his birth mother was negecting him we went through social services checks for him to come live with us the amount of involvment i have had with social services you would think I was sick of them but as I'm doing nothing wrong I have no problem with them doing their job another recent change is we moved house so every one could have their own room but all the kids seem happy about this,
Alone these problems dont seem much but i have these happening all at the same time and i need help i know this post is rather long but i wanted to give as much history as possible thanks in advance for any help,advice and support you can give
H

[lorisparkle]

There is so much going on, no one everyone is struggling.

No real answers but a few questions - with all this going on are you able to spend some individual time with them - especially your DD. Could she feel a bit left out with the issues going on with the two boys?

My ds1 and 2 went through an awful going to bed and staying in bed phase. We tried everything but what worked in the end was sprinkles on their breakfast. If they went to bed nicely they had one shake if they stayed in bed all night they had two shakes. Sounds daft but it worked. I bought different coloured and flavoured sprinkles to keep it motivating.

When I was having awful problems with ds1 and 2 I bought the book 'calmer, easier, happier, parenting' it really helped and gave me some useful strategies.

I really hope things start to settle down for you all.

[tinkerbelle31]

thanks lorisparkle each kid has an hour after school 1 on 1 time each with both my self and partner then we try to do things as a family, going to try the sprinkles trick see if it works, last night wasn't so good though my ds sneeked out of be when everyone was a sleep to go on his sisters laptop to watch gangnam style on youtube it was very naughty of him but i kinda feel proud that he loaded up you tube and typed in gangnam style correctly

[lorisparkle]

Wow I am impressed you are giving them so much attention. It did make me smile when you described your DS behaviour. Quite impressive in a naughty way!

[Dededum]

When I was having problems with getting my boys to bed (about 6&4) I won a whole pile of picture books from Mumsnet - thanks. We just settled down one night and read the books for about an hour and an half. By the end of it they were o knackered they went to bed without any problems. This broke the cycle.

[mummy2benji]

I was going to suggest for your dd to have some regular one on one time with your oh, like going to Starbucks for a milkshake and a cookie, but it sounds like you're already doing that. If he can act enthusiastic about it and spending time with her, even if he is secretly dreading awkward conversation and her not talking to him, hopefully the message that he cares about her will trickle across slowly. I'm afraid I don't have great suggestions to offer about your really difficult situation with regard ds's dad. Apart from it sounds like you are really making an effort to do the best that you can for your kids and you should be proud of that. All the social services input might feel a bit intrusive but you aren't doing anything wrong and if you get them on your side they may be able to give you some support and advice. Undoubtedly the difficult situation with your ex will be causing ds's behaviour issues, try to ride it out and deal with the situation through social services and the courts, and once regular access / timetables for him to see ds have been set up then hopefully life can resume some sort of order and routine, and his behaviour problems will settle. x

[tinkerbelle31]

Wow thanks you have no idea how these replies have made me feel Im feeling alot more positive now I think i will send oh and ds on regual father daughter days away from the house just need to find some thing they will both like she's a girly girl and he's a gamer although if i offered him a spa day he might take my hand off and as for my ds i have decided to take one day at a time so every morning the slate is wiped clean then it might not seeem so to much if he just has to get through the day, I spoke to his teachers yesterday morning about his recent behaviour and they are happy with him and say he's a pleasure to be with and a credit to me because he is so well mannered and considerate i nearly burst with pride
social services dont really bother me they have a job to do I would gladly be investigated for false claims then them not to bother at all it reasures me that they look at every claim made to them and think of all the lil kiddies that need them.
thanks again your all stars xx