bad behaviour before friend to sleep over, advice please

[DelGirl]

what can I do, in brief, dd 7 bad behaviour today that really warrants her not having her friend over for a sleep over as planned but I really don't want bugger her parents plans so don't want to pull out. I've already told her there will be no play dates etc until her behaviour improves but what else can I do. I know I should cancel but feel it very unfair on the parent and her friend.

DD doesn't know if I will or will not call the parents to cancel.

help

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Explain to her why you aren't cancelling the sleepover so that she doesn't think she is just getting her own way. Then talk about what she did and ask her what she thinks her punishment should be. I find this is a good starting point with our DS(8).

[FireOverBabylon]

I would focus on the friend "I don't want to stop Sammy coming over because she'll be looking forward to coming and her parents may have made plans for this evening based on her staying with us" so it's clear that the sleepover will be taking place for the benefit of her friend, not your DD.

[DelGirl]

thank you both, I have said to her that I have little choice but to have her friend over as it would be unfair on her fried. I like the idea of putting the ball in her court wrt punishment and shall go and speak to her now and report back. grr kids eh. any other strategies welcome for next time as i'm 100% sure it won't be the last time

[DelGirl]

friend

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Got no more strategies sorry. Was going to ask for advice on my 5yo dd, but she is unwell at the mo. perhaps ill wait and see how she is next week when she's finished her antibiotics.

Actually I have got one more thing, I read this when we were having trouble with our two in the summer holidays. Turns out for us the problem wasn't all them

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Please don't fry her friend, that would be taking things a little too far and her parents may not like it

[DelGirl]

thanks that has put the smile on my face . Well she didn't really come up with anything and I have been harsh with no tv, friends or treats for a few days and if she messes up (big time) i'll extend it.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

That's fine. If she doesn't like your sanctions she may be a bit more willing to discuss what should happen next time

[DelGirl]

hmm, remains to be seen, I have one of the most stubborn kids I know. btw thanks for the link, I've saved it to favourites and going to try and digest it all later as it seems very helpful. I have got the book, how to talk etc etc but never got past the first few pages, this seems to have condensed it I think.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

That's what I liked about it too. Found it and read it in my lunchtime at work after a particularly trying morning...

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

If anyone knows of a good book to help me deal with my 5yo dd I'd be grateful