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(16 Posts)
Demented Thu 15-Jan-04 00:07:50

My DS1 who has just turned five has started to notice that people are different, noticing that people are different colours etc. A few days ago we were leaving nursery when one of the other mums (a rather large lady) was rushing down towards us to get her little girl. My DS1 said rather loudly when she was hardly past us "Mummy that lady's really fat!", I hoped she hadn't heard. I took the opportunity to explain to my DS1 that we were all different shapes and sizes and perhaps rather stupidly thought it was a good opportunity to explain about healthy eating as they have been looking at healthy eating in nursery. I explained that one of the reasons we try to eat proper food was to keep us healthy and stop us getting too fat (made it clear that it was OK to have chocolate, crisps and sweets as treats but if we eat them all the time we become unhealthy and eventually fat), I also explained that it was important to be active, running about, swimming etc. (Seemed a good idea to explain all this at the time).

Today however we were at nursery early and so was this lady and her DD. We were sitting waiting and my DS1 stood up, went over to the lady and took his finger and plunged it into her stomach and announced "You're fat, you've got a big fat belly, you've eaten too much chocolate" I was mortified, apologised profusely to the lady who just said "It's OK, kids are honest aren't they" and was then rather quiet.

I'm not twiggy myself (see the Big Mamas thread) and I really felt for the woman, I feel awful.

BadHair Thu 15-Jan-04 00:18:58

Ooooh, I know that toe curling feeling! Ds1 is 3, and last week he loudly informed me, and everyone else in Asda, that the afro-caribbean man at the next checkout was "the chocolate man". As in (bellowing) "look mummy, there's a chocolate man". You could have heard a pin drop as every shopper strained to hear my exlanation that the man wasn't made of chocolate but just had a different skin colour to him.
Then again, one of the naughty boys at my primary school once told my mum that she was a red indian. She had quite a high colour at the time due to some medication she was on. She made his day by saying "yes I am" and doing a pretty impressive whooping holler, like in a cowboy movie.

BadHair Thu 15-Jan-04 00:20:58

Oh knackers, I keep posting without finishing what I want to say. Meant to say that at least you apologised to the lady, I've heard so many people be insulted by small children only for their parents to giggle along with it.

expatkat Thu 15-Jan-04 02:45:18

Demented, I understand how you must have cringed, and how embarassing for the overweight lady. . .but if you'll accept a silver lining view: at least your ds has the personality, confidence & boldness to say what he did. Those can be very good qualities. I once told my ds never to tell someone they're fat, or unattractive, or anything else that "might make them cry." His answer was: "I would never do that. I'm too shy." And it's true. Your ds's boldness will most likely translate into something to be proud of as he gets older.

oliveoil Thu 15-Jan-04 10:21:58

Way back when, my older sister had asked my mum when she was around 5 how babies get in tummies. My mum said that when a mummy and a daddy love each other, they pray and are blessed with a baby. Lo and behold, when she next sees a pg lady in the shop, prods her belly and says 'I KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING'.

M2T Thu 15-Jan-04 10:29:07


This has made me almost spray tea all over my PC. Especially your OO! Not only did she say it, but she prodded the womans bump as well!


On a more serious note, I don't know how I would react if ds said something like that. I would be stunned into silence. I think you handled it very well Demented!

Beccarollover Thu 15-Jan-04 10:53:36

Megan once did this when we were out at a chinese resteraunt - she just proclaimed "Mum LOOK that lady is very fat" The lady wasnt close enough for me to apologise or demonstrate that I was correcting Megan so I just had to cringe.

I felt really awful about it but then she quite often will say "LOOK that man is very tall" "LOOK that car is pink" "LOOK its raining"

To her she is just making an observation and its up to me to teach her why we dont point things out like that.

Reminds me of when I started Weight Watchers - Megan picked up on it even though Id tried to keep it to myself as didnt want her to concern herself with weight issues! When she asked me what happens at the class I just said that it helps to teach Mummy to eat lots and lots of good foods like fruit and vegetables to keep me healthy and make my baby tummy small again - she watches me like a hawk and if Im eating something naughty she will say "Mummy thats not fruit" Any sweets or anything she has that have a picture of fruit on (strawberry chews for example) she will say "OOOOoo Mummy you can have lots of these, LOOK its fruit!"

Blu Thu 15-Jan-04 11:11:55

I think most adults would understand, with some humour, that young children are spontaneous, and, crucially, usually say things with no sense of value judgement, i.e it is never a criticism, because IME toddlers particularly, tend to comment on things that interest or impress them! As Badhair says, i think it's the parental reaction that makes or breaks the situation.

I once had such a comment inflicted on me in public by my 3 year-old SD in a previous relationship. in the queue at M&S I realised I had picked up a packet of knikers a size too small, and explained this to DSD as i left the queue to exchange them. Once through the checkout, she pensively, but clearly, piped up 'yes *Blu*, you've got a very big bottom, haven't you?', and I felt every pair of eyes in the queue look at my bottom as we walked away! But I did think it was funny!

JanH Thu 15-Jan-04 11:24:24

Blu, LOL at all the eyes on your bottom!

Jenie Thu 15-Jan-04 11:56:26

Dd (4 1/2)recently saw a pantomine with dp and when they went to get some food afterwards there was an asian man dressed in full "costume" dd pipes up "Look daddy it's the genie can we give him a rub and have a wish?" dp was soo embarassed that he left without getting anything.

Me I thought that is very funny when he got home and told me.

moosh Thu 15-Jan-04 15:04:15

My ds 4 yrs yesterday is the classic of this and has been doing it for about a year. I won't go on about some of his obsevations otherwise I would be writing a book. Let me just say the it is a daily occurance whenever we go out and it is embarassing sometimes. For e.g there were two oriental men walking towards us nd just as they approached us ds turned to me and said "Look mummy, two really small men!" I proceeded to explain that we are all different sizes. He does it all the time, but it is his way of observing the different people around him. But it doesn't stop us from feeling embarassed. My mum said that out of the three of us chidren, I was the most embarassing, commenting on everyone who I walked passed in the street. She said that she used to spend many a conversation apologising for my obsevations!!!

Lisa78 Thu 15-Jan-04 15:19:17

DS1 is now 14 but used to point and ask questions rather loudly in public, such as wanting to know why a (Sikh) man had a towel on his head "has he just washed his hair" I impressed upon him that asking questions was good but it wasn't always good manners so he should wait till we got home. This worked a treat until we saw a really large lady in the bus shelter, and I mean large. DS1 stared for a few moments as I desperately tried to head off any comments on the ladys girth, but he piped up with "see that lady over there? We're going to talk about her when we get home"
Everyone GLARED at me...!

Not as bad as when he answered the door - forbidden at the time due to his tender years - to my neighbour and SHOUTED "mummy, its that lady next door, the one you don't like"

Don't talk in front of small children - lesson learned!

When my friend was a tot, he answered the phone to the vicar and announced that mummy couldn't come to the phone cos she was having a poo...!!!

saintshar Thu 15-Jan-04 15:55:55

LOL, LOL. LOL at those stories Lisa78! Everytime those adverts come on the TV, you know the ones with those poor children with no water or food, and they always have flies all around them. When my DS (22mths) watches them, he always says Ahhh, and looks really sad. We was picking his big brother up from school the other day, and a black girl walked past us, and he said "Ahhhh" in his really sad voice. I tried to explain but he just looked at me blank. He is too young to understand really.

Evita Thu 15-Jan-04 20:59:19

My daughter's too young yet to have embarrassed me. But apparently as a child I was a terribly honest observer. My mom remembers events like me in the back of the car with the nextdoor neighbours daughter while she was in the front with the mother. As we pulled out I said to the girl 'my dad calls your dad twat boy.' (sorry for my dad's horrible term!)

Demented Thu 15-Jan-04 21:30:29

These are hillarious! Particularly Olive Oil and Lisa78!

Saw the other mum today and she still speaks to us, so it can't be too bad. My DS1 perhaps redeemed himself by asking her very politely "How are you?". expatkat, you're probably right he'll talk to anyone (a worry in itself at times) hopefully the confidence he seems to have now will stand him in good stead.

Looks like I have had a lucky escape that he has waited this long before he has really put his foot in it, previously he has always been out of earshot before he has made any comments about people. Next couple of years could be fun then!

SofiaAmes Thu 15-Jan-04 23:37:30

A few weeks ago, my dh was mortified when ds (3) said to him in a store very loudly, look daddy, "it's a clown" pointing to a woman in a yashmak (sp?).

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