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my daughter will not change her socks or underwear

(57 Posts)
Skankorama Thu 24-Jan-13 08:20:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amillionyears Thu 24-Jan-13 08:24:12

Are there other things that she does that you would consider are outside of the social norms?

drinkyourmilk Thu 24-Jan-13 08:25:52

Maybe the only thing you can do is take her dirty stuff each time she bathes and put straight in the machine.

seeker Thu 24-Jan-13 08:25:53

What does she say when you ask her about it?

Bunbaker Thu 24-Jan-13 08:26:52

When she is in the bath/asleep in bed can you not remove the dirty underwear from the bathroom floor and put it with the other dirty washing?

Skankorama Thu 24-Jan-13 08:27:40

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YDdraigGoch Thu 24-Jan-13 08:27:50

I think you are going to ask her hand over the dirty clothes each night, with perhaps a small reward for doing so. At her age, money would probably be appropriate, then each month or whenever there's enough money in the pot, she could spend it on whatever. She wants. We all need incentives to do something we don't want to do'

No suggestions for an explanation as to why she's doing it though. Have you asked her? What does she say?
Is it the same socks/nix every time, or is the actual pair she does wear irrelevant? I thought perhaps they might be "comfy".

Skankorama Thu 24-Jan-13 08:29:34

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seeker Thu 24-Jan-13 08:30:14

Why does she say she does it?

Skankorama Thu 24-Jan-13 08:31:30

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seeker Thu 24-Jan-13 08:32:23

Sorry, I thought you'd missed my question.

Have you been really direct? "Look, Grandpa says your feet are really smelly, and that's because you were wearing dirty socks."

Skankorama Thu 24-Jan-13 08:32:57

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Homebird8 Thu 24-Jan-13 08:33:29

DS1 (10) does this with socks. He'll keep the same pair forever if I don't pinch them during a shower or by tickling him and stripping them off him to wash. DS2 (8) wears undies five pairs at a time. There's no accounting for either of them.

I second the strategy of disappearing dirty things using any opportunity you have. Does she get upset if you do that? Is it about the undies/socks or is it about attention?

Skankorama Thu 24-Jan-13 08:36:11

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thewhistler Thu 24-Jan-13 08:38:29

Because they feel soft and warm?

And clean ones feel yukky. And she can't smell them.

That's what many younger children feel about their blankie.

Does she have likes and dislikes about other clothes, labels in clothes, foods? She might be extra sensitive to textures and tastes.

In which case, fabric conditioner and ironing and very soft natural cotton might be the answer. Dunno.

Homebird8 Thu 24-Jan-13 08:39:30

Just a thought. Can she smell? Not everyone has that sense.

amillionyears Thu 24-Jan-13 08:39:33

What do her friends say?
What are her friends like?

seeker Thu 24-Jan-13 08:39:57

Ok. There are two things here. There's the why she does it, which is important, but there's also the stopping her. Which you have to do, because otherwise her little friends will start to notice and they won't be as tactful as grandpa.

I would remove her socks and pants every day and wash them. Or at least put them in a bucket of water so they are wet and she can't wear them. Ignore the tantrums- you have to protect her from herself.

I'm not sure what to do about the "why", I'm afraid- maybe somebody more helpful will come along. But you must stop her doing it.

MrsMushroom Thu 24-Jan-13 08:41:29

You need to watch her in the morning still. she's obviously not ready to be left to getting dressed alone yet.

drinkyourmilk Thu 24-Jan-13 08:43:48

The bucket of water is a fab idea!

amillionyears Thu 24-Jan-13 08:44:27

The fact that she is spending 15 minutes doing her hair, is a good thing I think.
She is caring about her appearance.

Maybe she is just being defiant.
Maybe she knows that continually wearing dirty socks and underwear will wind you up.

BIWI Thu 24-Jan-13 08:53:11

Does she have any mental health or other issues that might affect her behaviour?

If not, then I would have to say 'you are in charge, why aren't you dealing with this? It sounds like you are frightened of her!

Personally, I wouldn't tolerate this kind of behaviour. She's only 8, for goodness sake!

When she gets ready for her bath or to go to bed, take them off her, put them straight in the washing machine and don't even talk about it. Don't engage with her on it, so it becomes a non-issue. As when toddlers have tantrums: ignore, ignore, ignore

BoffinMum Thu 24-Jan-13 09:06:43

I bet you it's because she likes the smell, in the same way animals feel at home when it smells right. You need to:

Explain what smells good to her doesn't to others.

Get her to choose her favourite smelling soap powder and fabric conditioner in the supermarket and do her things separately so they smell how she wants them.

Praise her when she smells conventionally acceptable.

purrpurr Thu 24-Jan-13 09:08:01

If it is a defiance thing, when did it start? As you've said, she will do the oddest things in order to not do what you want her to do. Wearing worn underwear over and over is definitely something you don't want her to do, so she keeps doing it. It's one of the more rare windows of opportunity to get into a battle with you on a daily basis. If she'd chosen to not eat a particular food, that food might not be on the menu every week, or if she'd chosen to go nuts over bathing, that's every other day. So by acting out with underwear, she's getting her battle/attention every single day.

You said she's always been your difficult child. Does she ever get any positive attention or is she always in trouble?

Skankorama Thu 24-Jan-13 09:12:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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