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3 year old ds might have aspergers

(13 Posts)
sp1971 Tue 22-Jan-13 22:46:15

My ds struggles with other children - he pushes and snatches without meaning to hurt anyone. He can have quite a temper on him when he has to move on to something new, whatever that is. He also really struggles to concentrate if he's not interested in the thing at hand. He can do imaginative play but not really with other children, just with adults or on his own. He is progressing by introducing himself to other children, has stopped hitting for a while but it's very inconsistent and since Christmas he's been very up and down. We have started the ball rolling regards him being assessed but
I am not coping well. Am in total shock since his nusery teacher first suggested he might have aspergers. The other kids at nursery don't want to play with him and call him 'naughty' and now he hates nursery and doesn't want to go in - screamsat the door making himself stand out even more to the other children. My heart is breaking.

PerchanceToDream Tue 22-Jan-13 22:51:27

My brother has Asperger's. He earns £100K plus a year making video games.

But nothing you've said rings any bells with me particularly. Please don't worry until you know for sure and even if it does appear that he has it it's not the end of the world, really. They're very special people. x

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 22-Jan-13 22:56:14

been there and i do really sympathise with how you are feeling - but it does get better. try to remember that A) a diagnosis is just an explanation and he is still the same little boy you have always known and B) it does get easier - and if school are aware then they can cater better for him. remember its a developmental condition - they just develop at a slightly slower rate but they can and do learn.

my ds is now 21 (going on 15) and although i cant say at the moment its easy - its not all bad - he is doing a degree, and living independently at university. He still needs support, but when i remember him at 3, screeching if anyone invaded his space, pushing other childrens jigsaws off tables to make more room for his....
he is actually now well mannered and polite, wouldnt say boo to a goose, has a part time its not all doom and gloom. He has issues with money but we are working on those....

its shock i know.

my bible was Tony Atwoods Asperger syndrome - a guide for parents and professionals.
But you will become his advocate and the biggest expert on what works, what doesnt.

good luck. it will all be fine. i spent so many hours and days worrying - really if i had known i would saved myself an awful lot of heartache.

sp1971 Tue 22-Jan-13 23:10:54

Thank you so much for your replies. I am in shock, and so sad at the struggles he may face. I have heard of the Tony Attwood book and will look it up on Amazon. Thank you. You can sometimes feel alone when everyone elses child is behaving 'normally'. And I just worry.. Thank you!

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 23-Jan-13 00:08:03

i can tell you this much
you will feel sad at the struggles - but its because you feel it for them - often DS would say something to me and i would be so so sad for him - and yet it all went sailing over his head. often its the parents that end up hurting on their behalf.

i lost hours crying, worrying, letter writing, fighting with teachers and the LEA and honestly.....age is a leveller. He was always academic, just socially lost.

but he has made his way in the world - his obsessional interest has become his degree course and his part time job....he is actually very successful - he just still has some growing up to do.

and i sometimes forget that.

but it does work out in the end - i wont pretend that school is easy for them - its not - but it gets easier with each passing year, and the better the support from school the more successful they are. DS was the first one in his tiny primary school to ever get a diagnosis....they hadnt a bleeding clue what to do with him, but secondary was hard but they supported him, and their peers get older and mature and stop being pillocks eventually....

it all works out. school is the hardest part i think.
college was a shock to the system as he had less support, but uni have been fairly good (need a boot up the arse now and then but im on with that as we speak....) smile

sp1971 Wed 23-Jan-13 10:32:56

Sorry I haven't repliedstraightaway -I can't seem to use this website correctly! What you say has really struck a chord and it seems so right. I am stuck in the'I don't want him to have it. He can't have it' stage. I've just dropped him off at nursery screaming because he doesn't want to go in. I think he is already aware of his socializing difficulties and desperately wants to interact with peers but doesn't know how. He pushes instead and so the other children keep their distance from him. As you say it's heartbreaking. Again, sorry for this late reply, I couldn't get the follow the thread last night. Oops.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 23-Jan-13 13:21:38

dont apologise -

DS was very much the same at nursery - the school once had to call us because he didnt like things to end - including play time. At the end of play he had run screaming to the other side of the playground and had hold of the railings in an iron grip grin we had to remove him while the teacher stood by looking baffled and the ensuing paddy attack meant we had to pick him up in a firemans lift and carry him home!

if i tell him that now he is terribly embarrassed!

At least if he gets a assessed you will be aware of where his strengths and his weaknesses lie, and you can work with them.

best of luck and keep posting - have you tried posting on he special needs children section?

if you look on the "topics" tab - there is a special needs board and everyone on there is lovely and all are going through similar - its good to be able to sound off now and then with people who get it.

my life saver was meeting locally other mums locally whose children had similar problems. Its good to be able to talk things through and swap ideas - mumsnet wasnt around when DS was 4!

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 23-Jan-13 13:23:23

here you go - click on the this writing and it takes you to special needs - loads of support and advice on there

sp1971 Wed 23-Jan-13 18:52:43

Thank you SO much. You've been so helpful and kind. Have already checked out the sp needs board and there's a lot more on there. THANK YOU! I really needed to hear that everything could possibly be okay in the end.

KentuckyFriedChildren Wed 23-Jan-13 19:15:42

Hi sp smile my ds also has aspergers, he is 5. He is in primary 1 at the moment. We have strategies in place with the school (outlined in his plan) as he particularly struggles with transition periods (ie stopping one activity to go on to the next) and social boundaries. We are lucky in that he actually gets on quite well with other children, it's knowing how to behave in situations and reading people that he struggles with. When he gets over excited he will hit people and scream and make 'his noise' which sounds a bit like an air raid siren grin. But he doesn't do it to be bad. It is exhausting and exasperating but you have to remember that they don't mean to hurt you. I am generally ok with this but at times it can be hard and it does break my heart to see him struggle with thing that other people don't. e had an incident last week as his teacher was ill and the supply teacher didn't know about his AS. She was a disciplinarian type and got quite angry with him, in front of me. I went mad. She spoke to him like he was being naughty, when in fact he was just being slower than the other children to get ready to go home. (I pick him up early and come in to the school to help him cope with the chaos that is home time) He likes to take his time with things like that as if he feels rushed into something he gets worked up. We, at home and the school, use count down timers and time warnings to help him to cope. For example 'ds we will be going to school in 10 mins...7 mins...5mins...2 mins.... now' is better than simply springing it on him. If you would like to talk about it feel free smile (((hug))) it does get better once the people who teach him know what they're dealing with.

sp1971 Wed 23-Jan-13 19:48:15

Yes, we've been doing the countdown thing and it works to some extent. And his nursery teacher is up on aspergers. It's just that lately though he just seems to have changed into an aspergers child - lots more tantrums and stronger whenever he has to move onto something different, especially nursery and it's like I don't know him anymore. Sorry, everyone is being so nice but if I'm honest I am in tears all the time. I don't think I'll ever be able to come to terms with this. I just want my old DS back. That sounds awful, doesn't it? I do love him with all my heart but since he started nursery in Sept and his teacher said she thought he had ASD I haven't been able to cope. I feel as though I dropped my DS off one morning and picked up a different DS who I love just as much but I miss my old DS. Does/Did anyone else feel like this?

Iris1 Wed 23-Jan-13 20:27:51

Hi my son is 4.4 and was diagnosed ASD 7 months ago. ASD means autism spectrum disorder and is given as a diagnosis when they are not certain of its autism or Aspergers. We are very certain it is Aspergers and we will be able to get the diagnosis moved on with help from an educational psychologist who we are dues to see soon.
We also were alerted by nursery in the Sept he was 3 and it went from there. My son hated going and screamed a lot, but also did naughty things to be funny. Everything goes o'er his head he isn't bothered about friends just does his own thing. He isn't like that anymore. We moved house and he's at a new preschool who really embrace him and he's tonnes happier. The previous place were clued up and I owe it to then we got a diagnosis but he was always in trouble and hated it. He's so happy now. Literally the happiest boy I could imagine. They are really special people. Sometimes I think how lucky he is, he's an amazing person so clever, he's affectionate and caring.He loves animals and babies. He forms good bonds with adults but not his peers. But that doesn't bother him. I think he's got it best sometimes, he's never going to judge or be mean to anyone - he hasn't got it in him. Things go over his head too. He's in a happy bubble away with the fairies, okay it can be a nuisance sometimes but he's doesn't mean any harm ever he never will mean harm i really believe it.
I too was constantly upset at first like you. Between the Sept and the diagnosis in June I cried buckets and even quit my job I was so stressed out. It gets easier to cope. I'm not going to lie its hard work, and getting a diagnosis is something you have to fight for and even after that you have to keep fighting. We are waiting to see an educational and a clinical psychologists. He sees a pediatrician, a speech therapist, a podiatrist, optometrist, outreach worker. It's a lot to take in but it's worth every moment. It doesn't mean he's going to fail it means he needs extra help to succeed is all.

DoodlesNoodles Thu 24-Jan-13 00:37:21

I would try not to worry about this too much until you actually have a proper diagnosis. I know that is easier said than done. It is not easy to diagnose (especially over the Internet!) as there are so many things to take into account.

Good luck.

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