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DS2 is 15m old and DS1 still doesn't like him - will they ever get on?

(2 Posts)
apricot72 Fri 18-Jan-13 20:10:18

DS1 is 3 in March, DS2 is 15m so there's a 19m gap. I really wanted a small age gap as I hoped this would help my children have a good relationship - I know it's probably as much down to personality though.

DS1 has been unimpressed with DS2 since his arrival - he was defrosting slightly just around the time that DS2 started crawling and grabbing and now DS1 spends most of his time wailing and shouting when DS2 comes near him or touches him. To be fair I can see that DS2 is quite annoying as he seems to make a beeline for DS1 and whatever DS1 is playing with, he'll then crawl all over him, try and take the toy and bite him on occasions. DS1 will try and push DS2 over though as yet, hasn't been too aggressive towards him, it's more just the constant moaning I find so hard. DS2 on the other hand squeals in delight when he sees his big brother but that can't last for ever as he works out that his brother is not similarly well disposed towards him!

We try and give them both 1 to 1 time with each of us as well as try and encourage simple games all together but I just find it all so dispiriting when DS1 seems to lack any positive feelings about his brother. Very occasionally DS1 will show a bit of affection towards DS2, eg; give him a hug when he's crying but those times are few and far between.

All my friends seem to have older siblings that have adjusted beautifully to little brothers and sisters within about a week of birth and love the little brother or sister dearly, kiss them goodnight, sing to them etc. I feel quite sad and jealous when I see these relationships so I suppose I'm hoping for some reassurance that things might get better as they get older. I bought Siblings without Rivalry but most of it seems to apply to older children. Anyone got any tips on improving their relationship? We live in the middle of bloody nowhere so if they don't get on they'll have a long walk to find someone else to play with!

amazingmumof6 Fri 18-Jan-13 20:41:01

you are working your way from the bottom up - it can only improve!smile

my DS1 and DS2 (2 year gap) were lovely together when they were younger, but all the love seemed to disappear as soon as DS2 was able to grab things and break them!

now they are 11 and 9 and fight the whole time, bloody annoying, just can't stop winding each other up - grrrrrrrr
we have 5 boys in a row, so if older 2 are ok then the others fight - imagine every single combination, so tiring!
only baby DD has positive attention from all of them - which is sweet, but I guess that will only last until she starts to break things........

sometimes it sounds like we live in a tropical forest with wild animals - cue high pitched screeching and screaming!

back to your DS1, I'm sure he loves little bro, but some people are just not that affectionate and DS!
and he is way too young to be playing together, children his age actually prefer to play alone, or alongside another.

it might be a good idea to give him some space and not "force" him to play with DS2, he'll only protest and be awkward.
but give him the opportunity to play by himself every now and then (or regularly, if that suits best), get him a box for his own special toys that are out of baby's reach.

you are not doing anything wrong by the way, so don't feel guilty about it!

big hugs, it will get better!

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