Baby routine or lack of one?

[Georgebooboo]

Advice please.. My 15 week old baby does not seem to have any type of routine . He has suffered with reflux so wasn't very well for the first couple of months. He sleeps at random times throughout the day and feeds between three and five ounces of sma comfort milk every four hours including throughout the night.. He is also cries a lot during the day to be picked up. Everyone keeps telling me I have spoilt him!! Im worried that I'm not going to get him into a routine and that he should be sleeping through the night. Am I doing something wrong?? Any advice would be appreciated x

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Agree, you can't hold a baby too much. If he is crying and wants to be held then agree that e might be happy in a sling.

Also agree that most babies aren't sleeping through at this age, so try not to worry too much about that.

Do you want a routine? Are you going to any groups or activities and do you have a bedtime routine?

[Thumbwitch]

"sleeping through the night" is defined, I'm pretty sure, as 5-6hours sleep together, not the 8-12 that people hope for!

My DS2 is only 13wo and doesn't have much of a routine but he's falling naturally into one, where he goes to sleep at ~9ish at night, and then I go to bed much later (fool that I am!) and am woken at around 3/4/5am, depending. If he has a feed around midnight, he'll go through til 5/6am (mostly, depends on the weather - I'm in Australia so it's varying between fecking hot and muggy and reasonably cool at the moment).

He's also going through a "klingon" phase - but I reckon that's because he's just wanting to communicate - if I don't make eye contact with him for a while, he'll squawk to get my attention and then beam at me! He's happy for a while in a bouncy recliner, but after a time that's not good enough and he wants to be held.

Really, at this age, their needs are (IMO) so simple, I find it best to just give them what they want. They have no ulterior motive other than survival and comfort - you can't spoil them, I believe.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

That's right. So if your baby sleeps from midnight to 5 am they are sleeping through.

[blossombath]

I found ds, now 10mo, slipped into a vague routine around 4/5 months and I just followed his lead.

He is still rather flexible, though mealtimes became more set as he took solids. It suits me that he doesnt have set nap times etc, we take each day.as it comes.

Babies dont automatically need a routine, unless you want to establish one or find they struggle without one.

If you want routine there are lots of ways to gently establish one at bed etc, but if you are both happy with things then try to ignore the comments and advice. You cant' spoil babies this young, and not all few are sleeping through at 15 weeks.

[Georgebooboo]

First time for everything, thanks for your response. I will speak to speak to the health visitor when I see her next . I hadn't thought of a sling, might be a good idea.. Thanks :)

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

And I'm sure I've read on here that the research says that if you respond to his needs now, he'll cry less later?

[Georgebooboo]

Jilted johns Julie, thanks for the response . I'm not too bothered about a routine at the moment but I'm mindful that I go back to work at the start of march so maybe some form of routine would help. I have a sort of bedtime routine which means I put him down between nine and ten, he will sleep and then was every four hours.. I did initially go to a mom and baby group but he was only six weeks and he was very young compared to the other babies so I stopped going . Might try it again next week.
I think I'm just worrying because he's my first and all I seem to hear about it babies in routines sleeping through :)

[Georgebooboo]

Blossom bath, thanks for your response .. I will try and ignore the comments about spoiling him it's just difficult sometimes :)

[blossombath]

You're welcome George, it is definitely hard with your first (I only have one too so not a world expert!) to ignore people who you think might know better. Ultimately, though, you know your baby and your life better than them.

Like you I sort of assumed babies need to get into a routine because it's what everyone asks about all the time, and before DS was born I basically thought the only choice was between Gina Ford or someone softer like Baby Whisperer.

About two weeks in (when DH went back to work ) I panicked that DS wasn't in a routine and worried that I wouldn't cope so I emailed some close friends and my sister to ask about their babies routines. Most of them had just let the routine develop on its own or made some gentle nudges towards routine about 3/4 months. It was a revelation to me that I could just make things up as I went along and as long as we were happy it would be fine!

I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry about work - three months is a long time in a baby's life and he will be very different by then. I suspect a routine will develop as you go back to work anyway since you'll probably have to get DS up at a similar time each day you go to work which might mean he gets tired at similar times after that. Plus depending on the childcare - some nurseries put babies down to sleep at the same time and so on.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I really wouldn't worry about a routine if you're not to bothered. You can try Babycalming by Caroline Deacon which should help you both find your own way if you want but you sound like you are doing everything right.

Don't forget too that many of the books and baby experts who recommend routines aren't basing their theories on evidence and many aren't even parents themselves.

Only really asked about groups because sometimes they fall into a routine if you are out in the mornings, but that could just as easily be taking them out for a walk, going swimming or meeting up with friends.

[GailTheGoldfish]

Don't worry about it. Nothing is a problem in its own right, by which I mean that if you are happy without a routine then don't try and implement one for the sake of it. Same with lots of other things that people will look shocked at you admitting you do! Like blossombath my DD just put herself into a routine at 4/5 months and I am really glad I didn't spend her first few weeks getting stressed about trying to get her into a pattern.

[PacificDogwood]

You do not 'spoil' a baby when you respond to his needs - even if that need is to be picked up. A baby with reflux will usually be happier when upright, so yes, I'd second a sling Ergo Ergo Ergo.

Re routine or no routine: if my 4 have taught me anything is that whether or not a routine will 'work' depends v much on the presonality of the baby (and the mother - I am pants at routines , but one of my DSs demanded one; go figure...).

If you are managing, get enough rest and are happy with how things are going AND he is thriving, as happy as a young baby with reflux can be then you are both doing it Right.

[DreamingOfAWhiteChristmas]

No no no no no. You cannot spoil him!!

I am also no expert. In fact, I'm incredibly sleep deprived, your 15wo is sleeping way better than my 9 month old dt1 and about as well as my dt2. -actually both have a feed witin 2-3 hours of bedtime, so maybe worse for both?!-- . My dd however, was exclusively bf (as are the dts) and slept through from 11 weeks . i remain gobsmacked this happened. She refused to nap in her cot til she was about 9 or 10 months old though.

I have done exactly the same with my dts as with dd. Held them, slinged them when possible (granted, far less than dd as there's two of them), fed on demand still bloody am and they are so different, both to each other and to her. DT2 self settles well, always goes in his cot awake, and is just a hungry baby I think. Occasionally he will only wake 1-2 times a night. DT1 however is driving me to the brink of insanity. So I am now a firm believer that a big part of it is nature versus nurture. Some take to routine really well, others, like my dt1, just don't

You're doing fine . I also love Ergo type slings, I have similar, a Boba 3G