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At breaking point!

(33 Posts)
abi2790 Sun 06-Jan-13 22:22:54

I feel awful and like a bad mother. My 5 week old son just won"t sleep and won't stop crying. I've fed him, changed him, cuddled him and nothing is working. I breastfeed and he constantly wants feeding. I thought things were getting better as he was going 5 hours at night but we are back to hourly daily and 2-3 hours at night. I feel like I must be doing something wrong as this is my first baby and I don't know what to do to make him happy. He is asleep on my chest at the moment but when I put him in his crib he will wake up and won't settle. I feel myself wanting to cry and have no one to talk to as none of my family have breastfed and keep giving unhelpful advice sad

waitingforgodot Sun 06-Jan-13 22:28:53

Aw you must be knackered. Do you have a health visitor you could talk to? Could you try expressing some milk and letting partner/family take a turn feeding to let you sleep? It will get better. Could be your baby is having a growth spurt and is constantly hungry just now.

sipper Sun 06-Jan-13 22:37:35

If happy on your chest but not when lying down, it could be silent reflux. Could be in horrible pain when lying on back and not in such distress when up at an angle (and also comforted by your closeness).

Sounds like he is in discomfort for some reason.

Whether reflux or any number of other digestive or all sorts of things that mean he can't settle I wholly recommend seeing a cranial chiropractor. Worked wonders for all three of my DD's. See one highly experienced in paeds. I know of quite a few who i can personally vouch are excellent so please PM me if you want to say area and I can let you know if any suggestions near you.

Poor you and poor him. Makes things very stressful all round. There's generally a reason behind a cry but please try not to despair, there is usually a way of making things better. Remember not to take it personally. It's his only way of telling you something's bothering him. Try keeping him propped up for a bit after each feed, also avoid feeding lying down and see if anything in your own diet that might be making him uncomfortable through your milk (cows dairy is a common prob). Best wishes and hopefully v soon you'll have found and solved the root cause.

sipper Sun 06-Jan-13 22:39:32

Sorry should also have said, that constant feeding Cana be a sign if silent reflux. Can also be an indicator that just not getting a good feed of milk as maybe his suckle isn't fully effective. Again, this is something the cranial chiropractor should be able to help. Sorted that for one too.

sipper Sun 06-Jan-13 22:40:22

So many typos in my previous post! Trying to type far too quickly, I hope you got the gist!

noseynoonoo Sun 06-Jan-13 22:42:53

Sounds like you are having a rough time of it. Sleep deprivation is an evil thing!

Sometimes we can't make our baby 'happy'. At this stage babies have needs which you are fulfilling (e.g. food, cleanliness etc) and then attention. He has been used to being inside you where he was rocked all the time, or could hear your body gurgling and was at just the right temperature etc. Now things are very different. That is why he feels great on your chest by no in his crib. Does that make sense? He needs time to build up his security and then he will be happier on his own.

Do you have a BabyCalm class near you? They do a mother and baby course that covers the transitional period so you'd get loads to tips but also realise that you are doing a great job and everyone else is going through the same thing.

Don't feel helpless. You care and that is what he needs. He could be going through a growth spurt now - just when you think you have made progress they have a growth spurt and everything slides backwards for a week or two.

abi2790 Sun 06-Jan-13 23:03:54

He has just fallen asleep in his crib after lying on my ches for a while so going to try and express some milk now so dad can do a feed later. When drinking out of a bottle though he gets very distressed and its hard to get him drinking from it. Thanks sipper.. I'm going to take him to a baby massage group and see if that helps as he is a very sicky baby and it really upsets him especially when it comes out of his nose.
I just wish I could keep him happy sad my partners mum has taken to judging me at everything I do. Apparently I shouldn't be feeding him when he wants and I should give him boiled water which I don't agree with. Also she said I'm cruel for not giving him a dummy but 1. I didn't want him to have one and 2. He won't have one.. He spits it out and starts choking. Argghh people's comments make me feel ten times worse!

noseynoonoo Sun 06-Jan-13 23:17:10

Well whilst I don't want to say 'What you want to do is' I will say 'What you want to do is ignore people like your MIL who is not being helpful. Breastfed babies should be fed on demand. If you give him water it will affect your milk supply and then you're headed towards not breastfeeding. If he doesn't want a dummy that's the end of the subject. Neither of mine would take one either.

If he has gone for 5 hours before, in my humble opinion, I think he is just going through one of those stages when things go backwards but hopefully will be back on track. The baby massage will give you strokes to help with digestion.

And again, please don't think you are not making him happy. As mums we cannot 'cure' everything but you are showing him that even when he cries and screams you are there for him and showing him love. That's a really big deal.

blondietinsellyminx Sun 06-Jan-13 23:25:41

Ignore your DP's mother. Explain if she'd like to help, you'd love a hand with [task]. If she's critical then use the MN standby "did you mean to be so rude?" <head tilt>

If your DS is very sicky and very unhappy to be laid down on his back then it sounds like reflux (my DD has it). Ring your GP in the morning and make an appt - make a list of all your DS's symptoms and take it with you (so you don't forget anything in your sleep deprived state!) and ask to be referred to the local children's unit for assessment. How's your DS's weight gain so far?

blondietinsellyminx Sun 06-Jan-13 23:28:13

PS a bad mother wouldn't be worrying about whether her DS was comfortable and happy - so you MUST be a good one.

The newborn stage doesn't last forever and you will get some sleep. This too shall pass.

noblegiraffe Sun 06-Jan-13 23:30:29

Yes, if he is sick and it upsets him you need to see the doc for reflux (heartburn)treatment. In the meantime have you propped his crib up at an angle? Warming the mattress by sitting on it or putting your feet in it before putting the baby in can also help them settle.

TomPot Sun 06-Jan-13 23:33:44

Please don't think that you are doing something wrong. Both my DC were like this at times. It may well be a phase and not a symptom of anything more serious. Go with what feels right, even if it does mean feeding a lot. Learning to sleep upright was a necessity for me! I know it's hard to ignore comments from others, but try your best to just nod and smile. Hope you have a peaceful night.

abi2790 Sun 06-Jan-13 23:40:08

Well I'm going to go to the baby clinic at my gp surgery on tuesday so should I explain to the hv then or should I speak to a dr tomorrow? His weight gain has been brilliant. He went from 9.6 to 10.4 in a week so I know he's getting enough milk. He has been feeding for shorter periods recently though so I will get him weighed again on tuesday

stargirl1701 Sun 06-Jan-13 23:45:41

I found it helpful to video my LO on my phone to show the GP the symptoms I was observing during feeding.

abi2790 Mon 07-Jan-13 00:01:11

He does get very agitated during feeds sometimes. I'm not sure if that's because he needs winding or something else.

blondietinsellyminx Mon 07-Jan-13 00:06:45

In my experience the HV won't be too concerned as long as baby is gaining weight.

We saw the GP eventually (the HV kept saying that DD would grow out of it) and the medication was life changing! She was much happier not being pukey and I started enjoyed being her mummy more!

So yes, ring tomorrow and make a GP appt.

stargirl's tip is genius smile

noblegiraffe Mon 07-Jan-13 00:11:31

My DS was sick all the time up till about 4 months and put on weight brilliantly. The weight gain didn't mean that being sick wasn't a problem, it meant that I was feeding him all the time. I could only do one side at a feed as if he had both sides he would throw all of it up instead of just a bit. So don't be fobbed off if they say they're not worried as he's gaining weight, there is still an issue that needs addressing.

TurquoiseCat Mon 07-Jan-13 00:14:41

Didn't want to read and run, and I can't offer much advice beyond what's already been given, but just to say it will get better (and it's only after it has got better that you realise how stressed and knackered you really were).

I had feeding issues with my first DD, now 14w, and it really helped me to get advice and support from everyone on mn - maybe try the breast/bottle feeding topic for more tips on feeding? The only thing I could suggest is if you swapping sides each time, maybe feed from the same side for a few hours if he's feeding so often, as then he might get more hind milk?

As per the MIL, can you get your DP to have a word? This is always going to be a stressful time with your first baby because they really know how to worry you! and having someone undermine you is not necessary and very damaging. And never mind the mn standard 'did you mean to be so rude?', tell her to stick her 'advice' up her arse wink

I really hope you feel better soon, and try to get as much sleep as possible - it always seems better after some sleep!

TurquoiseCat Mon 07-Jan-13 00:17:32

Oh, and you are not a bad mother. A bad mother would not be worrying herself sick about anything, so always remember you are doing the very very best that you can for your baby.

Piemother Mon 07-Jan-13 00:47:44

Not that I think you will bit please don't give him water, bf babies don't need it and shouldn't have it.

I know it doesn't feel like it but you are doing brilliantly. Bf is hard work even with no problems and it must be harder surrounded by people with no experience of it. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for the brilliant weight gain too grin

Google wonder weeks I'm pretty sure there's a growth spurt around now which would equal constant feeding and moaning wink

Then google bf groups near you - there is probably one at your children's centre or your HV will know. You can meet other bf mums and have a good moan about everything and I think you would find it reassuring that these issues are quite common.

What are the nappies like? Any green poo?

abi2790 Mon 07-Jan-13 03:29:59

The local bf support group is tomorrow but I'm coming down with a cold so gonna have to go next week.. Don't want to give all the mummies my cold!

Well I spoke to my gp (cos DS had a black tongue and was being treated for thrush) last week and asked about the vomit and she said it could just be when I move him to wind him he's bringing up some milk and hv said its because he's a greedy baby and will grow out of it.

As for green poo Piemother he has had a normal coloured poo with lots of green bits in it. I asked my gp about it and she said its normal and its just bile. He hasn't been pooing regularly recently though. I asked hv about it and she said not to worry about it as bf babies can go upto.a week without pooing.

noseynoonoo Mon 07-Jan-13 12:07:26

Was lying in bed last night thinking of you. I couldn't bare the idea that you think that you don't make your baby happy. Hopefully everyone who has answered has helped you understand that you are doing a great job.

Latootle Mon 07-Jan-13 14:11:13

when you put him down try putting him on his side but leaning back a bit with a soft rolled towel along his back. If he does have reflux being on ones side really does help. It allows the acid to ""drain away"" lying on the back doesn't. try supplementing with a bottle and see if that helps Sometimes breast milk is just not satisfying enough.

LBsBongers Mon 07-Jan-13 14:27:01

You sound like I did with my DS, I have just had number three (she is 7 weeks) and its so much different this time round because I now know the following;

At first BF babies feed a lot, no one tells you this, there is no rhyme or reason to it they have growth spurts or just seek comfort sometimes, just feed and don't clock watch, in a few weeks it will get so much easier I guarantee it! he will soon be going two- three hours between feeds ( he doesnt need water)

Some babies sleep easier than others, it's only natural for him to want to sleep on you, he can hear your heartbeat,breathing and can smell you, get yourself set up with tv remote, snack drink etc and let him sleep, gradually you can prize him off you if you want, he may start sleeping in a pram or let you put him down after a few weeks practice,

Don't feel judged for having a fussy high need baby, they grow into clever affectionate and caring children, try hard to enjoy him and respond when he needs you ( not when someone else tells you you should)

I was upset with myself for being unable to make my son happy too, I found a book in the library ( during a rhyme time session) something like 'fussy baby book by seers or sears' goggle it, would never normally recommend a book but this was fab giving me confidence to handle and be proud of my son

Ignore the comment on breast milk not being satisfying, if you are feeding on demand and not trying to stretch the time between feeds he will be fine

abi2790 Mon 07-Jan-13 19:50:16

Well DS was going 4-5 hours at night last week then it all changed a couple of days ago. He's slept well today in his pram whilst I was shopping but now he doesn't want to be put down and is feeding even though I doubt he's hungry. I just hope I'm doing the right thing for him and that when I get him weighed tomorrow he is doing well!

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