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massive public tantrum

(11 Posts)
scooterland Thu 06-Dec-12 15:12:04

I agree BertieBotts - cold isn't helping.
I think she is also going through a bit of phase of testing who's boss. At home yesterday she did try a few of her "let's see if I can get control here" tricks. This seems to come back every two or three months ... Oh well, at least she kept the people at the nearby bus stop pretty entertained...
Thanks for your messages everyone

BertieBotts Thu 06-Dec-12 10:23:21

Yes of course - but the operative word is to start to understand/learn that. She's still going to misjudge and let it get too far and become overwhelmed sometimes. I have a 4.2 year old and still have to remind him to just ask for something rather than getting all in a state - he's just now getting to the age where I can more often than not interrupt the tantrum before it starts by talking in a low and calm voice to him. But he has his moments grin

It's horrible when you're outside and it's cold and you just want to get home, though. I suspect the cold isn't helping their sense of rationality either, it's just they can't think ahead far enough to realise that if they get home quickly they won't be cold any more and they can have a snack/drink/your full attention/whatever.

RunningOutOfIdeas Wed 05-Dec-12 06:49:40

DD1 does amazing completely irrational tantrums when hungry. I suspect that, like me, her blood sugar drops a little too low. In this state she cannot be reasoned with and cannot find her own way out of the tantrum. Obviously I try to avoid such situations occurring by giving her a snack straight after school. I also always have something with me such as a fruit or cereal bar. If DD starts crying in a way that is out of proportion with whatever has happened I immediately offer food.

DD is now 4.5. I expect it will be several years before she will fully recognise the problem herself. In fact there are occasions when I am really struggling with something and DH has to tell me to eat. I don't have screaming tantrums but I can get irrationally upset and angry. If it gets really bad I end up fainting which is rather embarrassing in public.

TanteRose Wed 05-Dec-12 06:13:48

have a snack/juice pack for her to eat/drink as soon as she comes out of school

low blood sugar makes things 10 times worse

scooterland Wed 05-Dec-12 06:09:43

thanks for that. Fannyfifer - great if you can get the child in the pushchair. Physically no longer possible for me. Obviously I'm bigger but I can't just push her in there. It would be a physical battle which I really don't think is good.
Just wondering if you had any tips as at home the tantrums are easy to handle - leave her to it and it's over in a flash and the reason for the tantrum is very clear to see (hunger/thirst). Here it was very long drawn out and frankly yes, I felt fairly powerless since I couldn't just drag her home with pushchair/my own bag in tow. I sat it out and she did calm down and climbed in the pushchair. Here I suspect it was a mixture - by no excuse i mean at that age I feel she needs to start to understand that we are trying to get home as quickly as possible and that if sth is wrong she needs to learn to express it rather than just "go off on one".

FannyFifer Wed 05-Dec-12 00:15:10

Honestly no way would I entertain that nonsense for such a length of time, no point negotiating, into pushchair and be done with it.

BertieBotts Tue 04-Dec-12 23:45:07

Also, she has no concept of whether she's in public or not - she's not being embarrassing on purpose. Deal with it the same as you would deal with it if it happened at home smile

BertieBotts Tue 04-Dec-12 23:44:07

Tantrums aren't naughty, they're just what happens when a small child becomes overwhelmed by their emotions. I think it's a bit harsh that you say being hungry and tired is "no excuse" - it is when you're 3.5!

Telling her you weren't happy with it is fine IMO.

cornflowers Tue 04-Dec-12 23:41:59

My dd1 had moments like these at that age. She was also incredibly well-behaved and compliant at pre-school. I came to the conclusion that it was a combination of tiredness and the stress of having been on her best behaviour at all times at pre-school which prompted the tantrums. Once I'd picked her up she felt able to let it all out, as it were. Is she at pre-school for an afternoon session? If so, would it be possible to switch to mornings?

noblegiraffe Tue 04-Dec-12 23:37:44

Sometimes if my DS is completely hysterical and can't be reasoned with (e.g. 'walk or carry?') I just leave him to it on the floor for a few minutes, then try again by asking 'have you finished crying yet?'. He either says yes, in which case he gets the choice again, or no, in which case I leave him a bit longer. In the meantime I just patiently stand there.

If it's pressingly urgent, I would have offered the choice of walk or pushchair, then forced her into the pushchair (you are stronger than her after all) and just put up with the howling until we got home.

scooterland Tue 04-Dec-12 23:25:50

Tonight dd had the mother of all tantrums as we were returning home from pre-school. Aged 3.5, she has had them before but not quite on the scale it was tonight and not quite as public.
Pre-school is not that close to home so we still have a pushchair so she can hop on if she is tired. Half way home about to cross the road she asked to walk. Fine, she walks. Then as she was walking she started dragging comfort blanket on the pavement. I asked her not to do that. She purposefully continued. Then started walking exceedingly slowly. I stopped and asked her if she wanted to go back in the pushchair. No. Then it was a case of her just sitting on the pavement, refusing to either walk or go in the pushchair.
I tried various tactics for 10-15 mins but nothing worked. Eventually I tried carrying her but she fought me off. It took 3/4 hour of crying, rolling on the pavement basically making a complete scene etc for her to accept to move.

Had never had that before. She can have tantrums but they are over in 5-10 mins nothing on this scale. She WAS tired (she is miss perfect at pre-school with great concentration etc) and most probably hungry. Still it's no excuse.
Has anyone had similar tantrums (tiredness linked and triggered by what (I viewed) as the slightest thing) and what did you do to deal with them during and after?

I asked her afterwards why she had done that and told her I was unhappy about it.

When you have had tantrums on this scale, what do you usually do during/after? Any ideas/tips/other angles would be greatly appreciated!
She did say she didn't think what she did was good afterwards, said sorry and basically just wanted cuddles but I just wondered whether just voicing my discontent with her facing no consequences apart from seeing her comfort blanket in the wash was a weak response.

Any ideas/similar experiences? Would love to hear about them.

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