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Kicking, Swearing, Aggressive 3 yr old - long, sorry

(16 Posts)
BadHair Wed 07-Jan-04 15:34:57

Help! Ds1 is turning into the sort of child that everyone at nursery avoids. He was 3 in November and started to kick at about the same time, and we just can't stop him doing it. He thinks its funny. We've told him that it hurts when he kicks. We've tried ignoring it. We've told him off, and I've even smacked his leg for it, I'm that desperate.
More worryingly is his bad language and aggression. He heard me mutter "little sod" under my breath once, and thought it was the best thing ever, so repeated it at every opportunity. Now that alone I can deal with, but he's got "I'll kill you" from somewhere, must be from TV as none of us have ever said anything like that, but perhaps from Eastenders or Emmerdale, as that's the only grown-up TV he sees. Obviously he doesn't know what this really means, but he says it with such vehemence and aggression that its really shocking.
When he's told off or prevented from doing something as a punishment (eg shoves his baby brother over so has his toy cars taken away), he goes ballistic. Has very aggressive, angry tantrums that are becoming increasingly hard to ignore or pass of as normal toddler behaviour.
Things came to a head yesterday when he kicked another child at nursery (which he's not done before, only kicked us at home), called him a "little sod", then, when the nursery lady tackled him about it he told her he was going to throw her over the wall and kill her! She was shocked and upset to say the least.
I didn't find out about this until after he was in bed, so I told him this morning that I had heard that he had hurt X (the child), and upset Y (nursery staff), and that this upset me. He told me that he wouldn't do it again and that he wanted to be a good boy, but I don't know how much he understands about his behaviour and what he thinks a good boy is.
Has anyone else had experience of anything like this, and how did/do you deal with it?

fio2 Wed 07-Jan-04 19:04:54

sorry bad hair i have no experience but sympathy from me my ds is a 'little sod' but thankfully at the moment is an angel at nursery. I cannot take him anywhere though as he is so naughty

nutcracker Wed 07-Jan-04 19:08:30

Not sure i can give you any good advice, but i can sympathise. My dd is a fan of biting (she is 4). She's never bitten at nursery though (she's an angel there). She only usually bites her sister and to be honest we've never really got to the bottom of it. Sometimes i think she's stopped doing it and then all of a sudden she'll do it again.

BadHair Wed 07-Jan-04 19:30:52

Yes, he's normally an angel at nursery too. Think that's what's really bothered me - as we're used to his dreadful behaviour at home. Rang the nursery earlier to check on how he'd been, and they said he'd been great today.

BadHair Wed 07-Jan-04 19:31:31

Yes, he's normally an angel at nursery too. Think that's what's really bothered me - as we're used to his dreadful behaviour at home. Rang the nursery earlier to check on how he'd been, and they said he'd been great today. So guess I'll just have to take it day at a time and take each "episode" as it comes.

BadHair Wed 07-Jan-04 19:32:08

Ooh that was strange. Posted half my first message. Bizarre.

Candie Wed 07-Jan-04 21:35:13

Thanks for replying on my thread BadHair. The same goes from me to you, my sympathies and all that. I hope things improve for you and your ds.It helps to talk about it though.

Bron Thu 08-Jan-04 09:17:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ccm Thu 08-Jan-04 09:45:03

I do sympathise as I had my first experience of my 2 1/2 year old behaving badly at nursery yesterday. He is a little monster at home but has never until now done anything wrong at nursery. Yesterday he decided to draw on the nursery wall, pulled another child's hair during circle time and ran around saying 'no' all day long when he was told to do something. We had a chat with him this morning saying that he must not do this so we shall have to wait and see what his behaviour has been like today.

mooshy Thu 08-Jan-04 10:16:37

oh BadHair I do sympathize with you ! I think you should drown your sorrows over a good bottle of plonk with me at the weekend-!
No seriously I know you and your a fantastic mum and he will grow out of it .Try not to worry.Have you considered that he might be getting some of his bad language from another child at nursery ?
If its any help my motto is and it seems to work really well over a long period of time )-praise the good behaviour and ignore the bad.
I asked my dd1 who is 11 what she thought the most effective way to deal with bad behaviour was.She said what she always hated more that having priveleges (pocket money,tv ect )withdrawn, was when I ignored her !
Finally my childminder gave me some good advice once.When dd1 was misbehaving she would make her sit on the stairs for the number of minutes equivalent to her age.ie,3 mins if your s in 3.This is quite a long time for a 3 year old.Anyway-see you soon!

mooshy Thu 08-Jan-04 10:17:31

Sorry I didn`t realise my punctuation marks would turn into a sad face on screen !!!

aloha Thu 08-Jan-04 10:26:05

I'd personally stop him watching EE and Emmerdale. I'm sure it's not the cause of his behaviour, but I don't think they help. I see my ds get confused very easily by TV and try to stick to cbeebies only. I think EE is very violent and menacing in atmosphere for little ones. Reading books with gentle themes (even Thomas books) during this time instead might help. The one on one time seems very calming to little boys to me.

Bron Thu 08-Jan-04 10:26:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hel71 Thu 08-Jan-04 12:20:56

i have three boys,4,2,1.and the only thing i can suggest is it may be a bit of jealously,as i have the same problem with my 2 who will be 3 next month.having special time or your time with one child at a time.i spend special time with each child,well try to anyway,doing a puzzle,or reading a book.theres always somrthing they like,so you can always take it away if they are persistantly dreadful.just like my 2 year old is at the mo.

BadHair Thu 08-Jan-04 15:48:46

Thanks for all the advice, and,Aloha, will definitely be switching Enders and Emmerdale off (sob).
Bron, confiscating his toy cars works sometimes, but I've just used them as bribes to potty train him, and to be honest he doesn't give a stuff about any of his other toys. I might confiscate his Pingu video but will need to be kitted out in full riot gear first!
Mooshy, he's unlikely to stay sitting on the stairs for 3 mins - more likely to be up them and hurling stuff down on us from the top! Will give it a whirl though. Like the vino idea too!!
Hel71 - we do have special time together, but although I don't think he's jealous of ds2, I do think he likes to hog the limelight, so I'm a bothered about ds2 not getting enough attention, iyswim. hard to include both of them in one activity as they have very different tastes.
I asked nursery to ring me if he misbehaved again, as I work close by and would go across and have a talk with him. They've not rung today so I assume all is OK, and I'm not going to tempt fate by calling them to check. Behaviour at home still pretty horrid, but not as much kicking this morning, or perhaps that's just wishful thinking.
Glad to know I'm not alone.

scampadoodle Thu 08-Jan-04 16:54:04

It is such a relief to know that other people have this problem My ds (nearly 2 1/2) can be a complete monster (& a little love). He regularly has me in tears, although being 19wks pg could have something to do with it! He is always pulling my hair, & I mean hanging on for dear life with both hands so that he has to be prised off by someone else. He also deliberately runs out into the road (looking back over his shoulder, laughing). He just laughs when i tell him off, & yes, I have smacked him (not proud of that). We've started putting him in his room for a bit when he gets OTT. Don't know if it'll work though. If we're out I put him straight into his buggy until he's calmed down. It makes me feel really inadequate though, as though I can't cope with my own child

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