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(16 Posts)
xBeingTheBestMummyICanx Sat 17-Nov-12 19:58:25

I?m looking for advice as I?m really struggling with DD who is 5 and half years old.

DD start school in August and since then her behaviour has been really bad. She got a fantastic school report and is doing really well at school, is well behaved, learning well although she is a little shy.

However, her behaviour at home is a nightmare!! She won?t listen to anything we tell her and we have to repeat ourselves about half a dozen times before she will listen to us, she is constantly talking back and arguing, and trying to get her to do her homework is a nightmare, when she does do it she constantly moves about, is easily distracted and just seems to generally muck about and seems to put no real effort into doing it. However, before starting school she loved to learn, practice writing etc. She says she is really enjoying school and gets very upset if I say I?m going to speak to her teacher about her behaviour at home.

We thought she was maybe doing too much after school activities so we stopped some but it does not seem to have made any difference to her behaviour. She seems to have no concentration even for watching TV something she liked to do before starting school. However, she seems to concentrate fine at school.

She seems to want to spend all her time with me at home to the point that when DH comes in she complains about him being home and if they do play she will only play for about 5 mines before she will appear down in the kitchen if I?m making dinner and will just sit and watch.

She can be quiet and shy in company of people she does not know but she is starting to become a real show off especially at home with us and I?m not sure if this is behaviour she is copying from kids at school as she seems to have habit of picking friends who are the opposite to her and are very outgoing, confident etc.

Please help as I?m really struggling as is DH.

Limelight Sat 17-Nov-12 20:06:49

She sounds like a normal 5 year old to me!

xBeingTheBestMummyICanx Sat 17-Nov-12 20:11:48

I must just be a crap mum who can't handle a normal 5 year old then.

Limelight Sat 17-Nov-12 20:14:17

That wasn't very helpful of me. Sorry!

She sounds very like my 5yo DS however. His ability to pay attention is a bit sporadic, and we get a maximum 10/15 minute window for homework at the weekend. And of course he's good as gold for any adults except DH and I. But that's to be expected - he's testing boundaries which is part of growing up. Ultimately he knows what are deal-breakers are.

Really hard parenting a 5yo - you have my full sympathy! smile

AnyaKnowIt Sat 17-Nov-12 20:14:57

No, you are not a crap mum, children like to move the goalposts smile

xBeingTheBestMummyICanx Sat 17-Nov-12 20:18:03

Sorry for a bit short. I'm really just struggling with her just as we just don't seem to be able to get through to her.

xBeingTheBestMummyICanx Sat 17-Nov-12 20:25:37

She constantly talks back, goes in the huff when she does not get her own way, shouts at us and others including my Mum (her Grandma) is rude need I go on lol.

She got me so upset today she had me in tears and then says sorry and then behaves the same 5 mins later. I have no idea how to handle it as until recently she was a lovely little girl.

AnyaKnowIt Sat 17-Nov-12 20:43:24

Aww bless have a wine

With her starting school, do you think she might need an earlier bedtime? Could be tiredness?

addictedtolatte Sat 17-Nov-12 20:56:05

this is quite normal for this age. maybe tryearlier bedtime. or feed her earlier. m ds was like this right from picking him up from school. i started turning up at school pick up with a sandwich it seemed to fend off the naughtyness for a bit. good luck i just sit back and ride the storm for now

xBeingTheBestMummyICanx Sat 17-Nov-12 21:17:12

We have tried early bedtime but she just gets up earlier which means she is even grumpier the next day. She is hungry when I pick her up so I take a snack with me. I'm really at a loss as how to deal with her. I had been told that kids could be really naughty after starting school and I thought we had done ok but she is getting worse, it's the back chat and not listening that I struggle with.

xBeingTheBestMummyICanx Sat 17-Nov-12 21:23:25

I'm worried in case she is not mixing too well at school although, the school says she is.

DD seems to prefer to have one friend and always seems to pick the oppisite of her i.e girls who are more outgoing, one of the crowd etc as her firned at nursery was like this but they are not in the same class now. She has become quite friendly with one of the other girls in her class but again that girl is very outgoing and a bit of a show off and I’ve noticed DD seems to go on about her a lot, about how wonderful she is, how she is always right and she copies her a lot and the latest thing is this girl insists in rolling down her long socks to make them ankle socks and DD is doing the same. I know it’s a little daft thing and probably not worth getting annoyed about but I do. We have tired telling DD that she is an individual and should not copy and she says she understands but still does do it. The other problem is this girl has an older sibling so when the older sibling is around at school in the morning before school starts DD gets ignored by this friend as she would rather be with the sibling so there are times first thing in the morning where DD seems to wander about the playground herself.

She also seems to want to spend all her time with me more than DH and even if we offer to take her out at the weekend to places where she can mix and play with other kids she says no she wants to stay at home and play with us.

Sorry I know I'm writing a load of random points lol put it's things that are suddenly jumping into my head.

Limelight Sat 17-Nov-12 21:35:21

It will all probably settle you know. It does sound to me as if it's the starting school / tiredness thing.

DS is in Year 1 now, but he was hideous in his first term in reception class now I think about it. We still descend into meltdown territory towards the end of term when he's worn out.

I do think, as someone else has suggested, you need to ride the storm. We stripped away lots of treats (TV etc) and he had to more obviously earn things (although this was all pretty unstructured). And I spent A LOT of time counting - 'if you're not sitting at the table properly by the time I count 3, you'll sit on the step instead' - that sort of thing.

I tried very hard not to react to anything (which was and still is the hardest thing in the world, especially when it comes to him not eating any bloody thing). Leave her to it if she's kicking off about something. She'll get bored if she has no audience.

And to be honest, I wouldn't worry too much about the homework. She's 5. I always say that his teacher will be 'disappointed not to read about his weekend' (or whatever) and leave it at that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Maybe you should pick one thing to focus on now and ignore the rest. Based on your description, for me it would be rudeness to your DM (or any adult). Zero tolerance, on the step / to her room / whatever your nuclear level sanction is.

And many many glasses of wine! grin

Nordicmom Sat 17-Nov-12 21:38:15

Sounds so familiar. My DS is now nearing 8y but when he started school at 4 1/2y he definitely had problems with behaviour at home. All my friends were saying the same thing so you are not alone. 5 y have an attitude that's something else. The whole talking back, arguing , trying to boss the parents around , take control . Have noticed what ever age a child is it'll always be difficult in some way.

Limelight Sat 17-Nov-12 21:41:33

With the friend thing, it's probably quite normal. My friend's DD makes friends in exactly the way you describe (all a bit insular, lots of hero worship, can't cope if friend isn't there). A year in, and she's a lot more confident because she knows her class well. She's still one for a 'best friend' but it's not quite as obsessive if you see what I mean.

Maybe you shouldn't give her a choice about seeing other kids at the weekend? We do non-negotiable 'you must learn' swimming lessons on a saturday morning. Could you do something like that?

xBeingTheBestMummyICanx Sun 18-Nov-12 09:24:24

Thank you for all your replies, help and suggestion. I think the one thing I'm going to have to try really hard at is to not give her attention when she is being naughty as I think I try too hard to talk her out of it so she knows she will get attention.

Will also try naughty step more with maybe not so many warnings for really bad behaviour.

Nordicmom Sun 18-Nov-12 13:30:45

I used a naughty spot to get him to stop what ever he was doing if he didn't listen to me repeatedly. For more naughty behaviour he lost priviledges ( still does) . He is becoming more sensible in general . I do explain things to him more if we have problems because I think he understands more. I try to talk things through as much as possible. I do believe in being firm if needed and sticking to what you' ve said . Tantrums are pretty much gone , just the occasional outburst .

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