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5 year old dd needs a confidence boost. What worked for you?

(14 Posts)
NeverFullyDressedWithoutAScarf Sat 17-Nov-12 11:48:26

Just what it says really. Lovely 5 yr old dd - chatty, doing well at school etc but just constantly gets upset about whether someone is better than her, whether she will get something right or not etc and she can get quite teary if she thinks she is getting it wrong. Her little sister is the complete opposite (which obv does not help!). I just want her to feel proud of herself and confident in her own skills and talents, rather than looking at others the whole time?

I know it is a complex one, but does anyone have any ideas?

amazingmumof6 Sat 17-Nov-12 13:06:15

she needs to understands the difference between better at a subject/talent versus better as a person! that is key I think.

she maybe worried she is disappointing you (daddy, teacher etc)

and are these other kids even better or does she just think they are better?

my DS3 used to get upset about another boy being better at reading. (both top of class!) so we talked about how we are all different and he maybe better at reading, but worse at football and that is OK!

Also that if he wants to get better either for himself or to beat the competition he has to work harder/practice more.
he said he got annoyed because he wanted to learn more

so it could be one or a mixture of these and other ideas people might think of...

I always tell my kids that no matter what the result is it is not acceptable to be lazy and don't do their (own personal) best and yes, I will be disappointed if they are only 2nd if they could been 1st.
On the other hand if they have done their best and max effort and are still last in the race I will be the proudest!

Also you should find out what she can do well & is good at and/or what she find relaxing and enjoyable and focus on these activities for now, that will boost her confidence massively!

she is only 5 after all, she's got her whole life ahead of her for improvement and achievement, for now it's more important to have less pressure and more fun.

Welovecouscous Sat 17-Nov-12 13:10:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3b1g Sat 17-Nov-12 13:12:40

Rainbows helped my DD gain confidence at that age.

MissWooWoo Mon 19-Nov-12 10:38:51


3b1g Mon 19-Nov-12 14:41:44

I meant these rainbows:
rather than these rainbows:
although the latter are lovely too.

noteventhebestdrummer Mon 19-Nov-12 14:50:04

Learning a musical instrument can help! Especially if you find a lovely kind teacher who makes the kid feel good about every little achievement without a horrible schedule of music exams smile

MrsJamin Tue 20-Nov-12 13:27:43

I think so much confidence can come from helping family and others - it really boosts esteem that you can make others happy from something you have tried to do well. Perhaps make some cakes for someone or can she help you do some semi-interesting chores around the house that you can praise her for?

3b1g Tue 20-Nov-12 15:04:40

I agree with MrsJ. Helping others was one of the things DD enjoyed at Rainbows, and still enjoys at Brownies. Raising money for a charity, doing a job well at home, taking responsibility for feeding the family pet, helping an elderly relative, all of these help to build self-esteem.

naturalbaby Tue 20-Nov-12 15:06:40

What's the boys version of Rainbows?!
I was told drama classes but we did that last year and he joined for the summer terms when all the kids had already made friends so he won't go back now.

MummyAbroad Tue 20-Nov-12 15:31:25

I think its really important to be descriptive when you praise. By that I mean instead of saying "brilliant drawing!" / "well done!" etc, try things like - "I like the way you used lots of different colours"/ "I can see you kept much more inside the lines this time" or even, "I saw you really concentrating hard, you looked like you were trying your very best"

This way, your kid gets to feel pride in herself (I stayed in the lines, that means I did good) and she will learn to enjoy doing things without always needing to hear a "well done" at the end.

Sometimes too many "well done"s can make kids not want to try to do things they think they wont be good at (If I fail, I wont get a well done, so what's the point in trying?) so always try to praise the effort put in, not the outcome, by being as descriptive as possible.

butterflyexperience Tue 20-Nov-12 17:45:47

Has your dd just started school?
My dd can get a bit competitive but I try and teach her that its ok for others to be better at some things and her better at others.

butterflyexperience Tue 20-Nov-12 17:46:18

I've worded that rubbish....

3b1g Tue 20-Nov-12 19:16:01

naturalbaby: the boys' version is called Beavers but they don't start till 6.

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