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should I leave my baby at the gym creche?

(8 Posts)
hmmmum Sat 17-Nov-12 10:37:55

I joined a gym before my daughter developed separation anxiety at about 16 months old (before that, she was quite happy whether or not I was around) thinking that it'd be great to go to a couple classes every week and I could pop her in the creche.
But with her separation anxiety, she has total hysterics when I try and leave her, she acts really frantic. I really don't think that at her age she is capable of 'manipulating' me, I think it's more that she does feel genuine distress in that moment. But I can't decide if I should just persevere with it, as she'll get used to the creche and to the people who work there and maybe grow to enjoy it/ have fun, or if I should just see it as being too much upset and not worth it.
I'm a SAHM and plan to be one until she's about 2 or 3 so she's not used to being left in a creche / nursery setting, however she has lots of other people in her life except me who she's happy to go with when she knows them well.
She's always been very sensitive about everything and I'm wondering if maybe I'm pushing her too much by trying to leave her in the creche - or if I'm just being a wimp and should just DO it? DH thinks I should leave her in the creche and it'll be good for me and in the long run, good for her.
It feels like a very frivolous 'problem' in that many people HAVE to leave their children in nursery /creche because of work, whether separation anxiety is going on or not. But I think I'd feel better about it if I had to work... It's not as though I HAVE to go to the gym, so maybe I should just save her the misery and not do it. I worry a bit that I'm doing a bit of psychological damage by putting her in there when it distresses her so much, but again DH thinks that's ridiculous as it's only an hour and she's usually with me the rest of the day. My head completely agrees with him but my heart feels too wimpy to go along with it!

lizardqueenie Sat 17-Nov-12 11:22:37

Hi there

I could have written your post a few months back as I started leaving my dd at my gym crèche around the same time. It was a very close friend of mine who suggested that it would do me the world of good just to have an hour to myself. I think I was in the fog so much then as dd was still sometimes having separation issues leaving me to even be with DH but this got better too. Only you know what is right but my friend reminded me, it's only for a very short time- i started with 30mins, they come & get you if anything is wrong, you are on the same premises as where they are being looked after. You are not a wimp & I know exactly where you are coming from. For me personally it did me the world of good just to have that little bit of time to myself. I felt a bit indulgent at first but it had such a positive impact on how I felt afterwards when I was with dd - I had muh more energy/ patience & enthusiasm for singing the wheels on the bus for the 10th time or whatever. It was more about space for my head- even if I had been running on the treadmill. My dd settled relatively quickly within about 6 weeks of going twice a week for 30 minutes to an hour. The ladies there were lovely & she used to come out & tell me what she had been playing with.

If you feel like you want to then go for it. It doesn't have to be forever & you can explain how you feel to the crèche & say that you would like them to come & get you if she hasn't settled after xyz number of minutes or whatever but do give them time to "make friends" with your dd & try to entertain her. Best of luck smile

Welovecouscous Sat 17-Nov-12 11:24:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Welovecouscous Sat 17-Nov-12 11:25:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TENDTOprocrastinate Sat 17-Nov-12 23:48:44

My dd was like this. She is a shy child with other people but warms up after a time. I would spend a bit of time settling her in and then explain that you were going and would be back v soon. Then try to check on them 15 mins later (without them seeing). IMO little ones need to get used to being with others without mummy - even if its for a short while. Plus mummy needs some me time!

Goldmandra Sun 18-Nov-12 00:12:43

16 month old babies absolutely do not need to get used to being left with strangers. They are experiencing separation anxiety because they have just realised that their beloved carer sometimes disappears and they don't understand the concept of that person coming back soon or being close by.

OP, if you need this time for you I fully support your right to put your DD in the hands of people you trust and go and do something for just you. Some people feel they are much better parents for the occasional break.

Don't do it because you think it will be good for her. There will be plenty of time for her to learn to be away from you when she's more mature and able to understand that you will return.

Don't do it because other people say you should. Your DD will not be this little for long. Enjoy spending time with her if that's what feels right for both of you.

fromparistoberlin Sun 18-Nov-12 00:36:46

reading, going on what you say, I'd err towards not leaving her, life is too short and you will get gym back when she is older.

and i dont see how gym creche is best environment for a baby thats not used to being left?

good luck

unlucky67 Sun 18-Nov-12 00:58:52

Have you actually left her in the creche? Or do you just not do it because of the tears?
You could try and go out of her sight - but where you can hear her...
My DD1 (used to being at full time nursery from 3 months) went through a stage at around that age of crying when I tried to leave her to go to work -but she stopped within a few seconds of me being out of sight...
But at a similar age DD2 (I was a sahm then -so she had never been left before) cried and wouldn't settle at a nursery -no matter what we tried - in the end they gave up and told me to try again in a few months (it was only going to be ad hoc -so I could get some time to spend with DD1) I didn't try leaving her again for another year- when she quite happily went to playgroup without a fuss...

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