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Miles away from eldest son

(3 Posts)
standsonshiftingsands Thu 15-Nov-12 18:26:51


I used to use Mumsnet a lot when my children were younger, but must admit I haven't in the last few years....I'm not sure I've had time!

I have 3 children - two boys 11 (12 at Christmas), 10 and a little girl of 8. My eldest has just gone to hight school - a two tier system here. I have always struggled with him. He was a nightmare of a baby - I find him infuriating, but of course I love him. His attitude is awful, he is lazy - hard to motivate to do any work. I feel we don't talk, but just shout at him. I feel I am loosing him already. The house can be quite tense because of our arguments. I feel awful afterwards of course. Is this normal for an almost 12 year old?

He can be awful to his brother and sister too - and I feel all my attention is on him to the determent of the other two.

I work full time so does my husband. I feel guilty about this too of course.

Anyone out there with something similar? I am feeling very at the end of my tether......

HilaryClinton Thu 15-Nov-12 19:47:56

I'm not in your position, but is there an element that you've given the dog a bad name and it is all starting to badly unravel for you ?
I know that you say you love him... But what would he say about his experience of love in your family, and are you happy for that to be his adult memory of childhood? Your OP has zero positives about him- do you think that accurately reflects him and what you think of him?
Could you love the person he is, rather than what you think he ought to be?
So no advice from me- but it does sound hard.

standsonshiftingsands Thu 15-Nov-12 20:01:30

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I think there is something in what you say. Of course there are good things about him - I think I've lost the ability to see them. Oh dear. I know I have to re-create a relationship with him whilst I can. Its very hard to talk to 12 year olds.....

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