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please tell me someone elses 3-4 year old cries when you pick them UP from nursery??

(21 Posts)
theidsalright Wed 14-Nov-12 20:42:24

yes, in the reversal of the usual problem, my DS (3.5+) has started bawling it when I collect him from nursery confused

I feel embarrassed but also hurt. I look forward to seeing him so much and he just doesn't want to leave! This evening he actually ran off and his keyworker said he'd had a "brilliant" day. Will nursery think he's coming home to a monster? I've started questioning myself, wondering if he doesn't like me or if I'm too cross (or something). He only goes for 2 full days a week and I drop him off about 10am and pick him up about 5.30pm......


Micha54178 Wed 14-Nov-12 20:47:45

I am in exactly the same position, my four year old had gone to nursery for the past year. She had recently, last couple of months, crying and telling me I have picked her up top early. She tells me she has to be the last one there. DH now parks outside and only goes in to get her at six! It's horrible and makes me feel so bad, other mums watching as your little girl/ boy screams that he doesn't want to go home as you take her out the building!!! God know what they think I'm doing to her!!! blush

EyeoftheStorm Wed 14-Nov-12 20:50:54

DS2 (3.4) did this for a while. I'd get him out the door and he'd run back in wailing 'i want to stay at nursery' blush

I quite like it though - my older two always needed to be prised from my legs at nursery. I think DS2 is the sociable, fun-loving one.

EmpressOfTheMadBoxOfFrogs Wed 14-Nov-12 20:51:12

She's 12 now but she used to! She'd be fine a couple of minutes later. On her first settling in morning, she went up to DW after 20 minutes and said "You can go now, Mummy."

Someone here said that it's partly because yes, they've had a great time, but then they see you & get upset because they realise they've been missing you.

OddBoots Wed 14-Nov-12 20:55:58

Please don't worry, it's surprisingly common.

theidsalright Wed 14-Nov-12 20:58:59

micha I am on mat leave and had been picking him up at 5pm (as I felt guilty that I didn't have him at home with me and the baby blush) so the 5.30 is my compromise.

He IS fine as soon as we leave, albeit quite grumpy, but I think that's because he's tried. I try VERY hard to be pleasant and non-grumpy myself, in some attempt to show him what a lovely mummy I am....

I am very relieved that it's not just me!!

theidsalright Wed 14-Nov-12 21:01:23

"odd* I bet it's not as common as the Nursery Code of Silence, ie
-what did you do at nursery then
I can't remember
-who was in today, was X there?
I can't remember
-what did you have for lunch
-I can't remember

So, he can't remember ANYTHING about his day but it was too good to want to leave confused

EmpressOfTheMadBoxOfFrogs Wed 14-Nov-12 21:02:50

Oh yes. DD has moved on to the School Code of Silence where the only word permitted in response to questions is "Fine."


theidsalright Wed 14-Nov-12 21:12:20

empress I like that someone turned it round and said they're crying not because they want to stay but because they have missed their Mum.

It's a nice idea. I don't believe it applies to DS for one second!

mummmsy Wed 14-Nov-12 21:13:34

gosh, no! mine never cried when I collected her! no, no, she just used to run away and hide grin

was most embarrassing

EmpressOfTheMadBoxOfFrogs Wed 14-Nov-12 21:15:24

I don't think it applied to DD either, theids!

But it's a nice thought.

Micha54178 Wed 14-Nov-12 22:35:48

[theids] I'm on maternity leave too, She gets upset when I first drop her off and then cries even more if I pick her up early?! I've tried to pick her up and say we're going to the park or somewhere else as a treat and she still screams and shouts! Being happy super lovely mummy doesn't seen to have any effect for me either? I'm surprised there are lots of people having the same problem.

notcitrus Wed 14-Nov-12 22:47:11

I had that when ds was 2-3. It was transitions he didn't like, but worst by far was "but I don't WANT to go home", ending in dragging him outside and then he'd claw at the door trying to get back in. Then sit down every 2 paces all the way home, so I had to start using the pushchair again.
Calmed down after a couple months.

BlackSwan Wed 14-Nov-12 23:30:49

I think they just feel it as a relief, because nursery is fun but a challenge for them too - so they're just letting it all out. Totally normal.

Goldmandra Thu 15-Nov-12 00:42:59

I have childminded lots of children who did this. I think it is sometimes just because they haven't had warning that an activity will be ending.

For the rest of the day good settings will give children warnings before transitions e.g. "we will be tidying up in two minutes". AT the end of the day parents walk in and expect whatever the child is doing to be dropped immediately and for the child to start putting coat and shoes on.

I tried to encourage parents to take a little time to join in with their child's activity and finish things off together so the child had a sense of being ready to go. Sadly most parents are, understandably, too keen to get home to put the dinner on.

It is quite reasonable IMO for children to have the attitude of "Well you sent me here all day and went off to do your thing so now you have to wait while I finish my thing." It doesn't mean they don't want to go with you. It just means they want a say in when they leave and perhaps a bit of warning, although that bit probably isn't practical.

I did have one parent who was great and texted me every day to let me know an ETA so I could warn her son, bring activities to and end and have all his bits and pieces gathered together. It made handover really nice.

theidsalright Thu 15-Nov-12 14:08:28

that totally makes sense! I do always let him take his time getting organised (if the baby will let me), and often join in with the story/song, but ultimately he doesn't read the clock-he does not know when my arrival is imminent (although other Mums and Dads doing pick ups should be a hint!?).

I don't have a solution as I don't always pick him up at the same time, but I guess I COULD and say to his key worker that she could prepare him, for example, saying "there is X's mummy, your will be coming soon as it's almost the end of nursery today" or something like that....

Thank you for getting me to think about it in this way!

naomilpeb Thu 15-Nov-12 14:46:51

DD (almost 4) does this. There was a particularly lovely day in the summer when I had to forcibly remove a Snow White costume off her, carry her screaming out of the room and then the building, and then try and carry both her and DS the ten minute walk home. And I fell over and cut open my knee.

I think trying to pick them up at the same time every days does help. After that day I did! DD is just starting to grasp the basics of clocks and telling time, and the nursery staff make a big show of telling when it's almost 4.30 and DP or I will be coming. I've also asked them to try and not let her start anything new (like dressing up!) too soon before 4.30, but that's a bit harder. They do try a 'this is the last thing you're doing before you go home', and some days it works fine. Some days it doesn't! Another trick we're trying at the moment is to have something planned for when she does get home. This might be anything from putting aside a favourite puzzle to do with us or a particular book I know she likes to read when we get back to helping me make jelly. Having something special to look forward to when leaving seems to help her.

The nursery staff say they've never seen anything quite like it - but they seem to see it as a positive that she loves it there so much, rather than wondering how awful her home life must be - well, to my face at least! I tell myself it's a good sign for starting school next year...

TENDTOprocrastinate Thu 15-Nov-12 18:04:31

Yup dd did this aged 2.5 until 4!! I felt so poo about it. But at least I knew she was having a good time! Though like your dc mine couldn't tell me a single thing she had done!

She's 5 now and though she doesn't cry she doesn't seem all that excited to see me. Some if the other kids run and cuddle their parents sad

confuddledDOTcom Thu 15-Nov-12 18:26:08

Our nursery is more of a school setting, so all the children start and finish at the same time. They also have an after school club that we use if both my husband and dad are working (I don't drive, can't walk that far because it brings on BH and she struggles with the walk herself) if Dad isn't working he picks her up. You can guarantee if we pick her up at 3pm she'll cry because she's not gone to after school club, if we pick her up at 4pm (when Dad is working) or any time before the end, she'll cry because she doesn't want to leave the club!

My eldest used to run past me to get in and ignore me, then do the same as we left! Her childminder said it was a good balance to have.

shoppingbagsundereyes Thu 15-Nov-12 21:47:05

Ds did it until I took with me one day a letter written by woody from toy story saying how much he was looking forward to playing with him when he got home. Come home like a shot that day. I then took a note from a different favourite toy every day for a week or so until the habit was broken and coming home nicely became the norm.
Give it a try

Goldmandra Fri 16-Nov-12 10:34:13

That is genius!

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