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5 Year old has said he wants to kill himself

(15 Posts)
Minoush Tue 13-Nov-12 00:51:30

A friend took me aside earlier and told me that my DS had told her son that he wanted to kill himself today. When she questioned him as to why my DS would say something like that he said it was probably because nobody really played with him. My heart is breaking at the moment, didn't know what to say to her. If that wasn't bad enough it's not the first time, he has said it in the past. Most recently was last week after some bad behaviour I told him his planned treat for the weekend was cancelled, he threw an almighty tantrum on the way to school which involved calling me names, hitting me, and screaming. When I got him through the school gates and far enough into the ground to make sure he was safe, he stood with his head pressed up to the railings. When I talked to him about it after school he told me he had been trying to break his own neck as he wanted to die! I had a chat with him tonight and he admitted telling his friend he wanted to kill himself and said it was because another boy had called him names. He also said he didn't have loads of friends and that a group he used to play with now wouldn't let him play. This little group was also involved with a bit of bullying towards my DS and a few others at the end of Reception year. We have had a few issues with DS over the past year but my health visitor assures me he is a normal 5 year old and my Dr did refer to the child mental health team but they decided there wasn't any issues. Don't know what to do or how to handle this. He is a very sensitive child who is blatently not a happy chappy at the moment. We all want our kids to be popular and liked so it tears me up think of him as a bit of a loner at school. Just want him to be happy but don't know how to help him. Can't sleep worrying about him. sad

LDNmummy Tue 13-Nov-12 01:05:49

That is awful OP and I wish I had some advice to give but have no experience on this sort of thing.

Just wanted to offer some moral support.

I hope someone else can offer more but my only thought was maybe to try the GP again and press the mental health team for another assessment.

I have mental and emotional problems in the form of social and heightened general anxiety. Bullying at school contributed to this as well as depression during my early teen years. I would look into the bullying to see how severe it is.

Minoush Tue 13-Nov-12 01:27:14

Gonna try and see his teacher tomorrow not that the school have been much help in the past!

TheCatInTheHairnet Tue 13-Nov-12 01:31:50

DS1 also said this at 5. The REALLY important thing for you to remember is that it doesn't mean the same to them as it does to us.

The best thing you can do is make him feel included. So, for me, I went in complete overdrive on playdates. I invited every single child in his class, (and other classes if he said that they had connected in any way) over at some point. I made the playdates ridiculously fun.

So, yes, I was the very annoying mum playing nerf guns with all the kids, laughing my head off at anything and everything, allowing a few rules to get broken. Always had the best playdate food and made sure every child had a great time when they were at our house.

But it worked. The other kids started wanting to hang out at ours. I had zero tolerance for the kids that wanted to come just for the sake of coming. They had to want to be there to hang out with DS. And my poor little man (I don't care if people hate that phrase btw!) stopped telling me he wanted to die.

TheCatInTheHairnet Tue 13-Nov-12 01:33:06

I should add that he's now in his late teens and they STILL want to hang out at ours, but I'm the laziest host ever nowadays!!

Minoush Tue 13-Nov-12 01:36:35

Have already arranged a playdate for Friday and told him he can choose someone to have over next week. Was thinking about beavers or boys brigade to give him something outside school and a different group of kids to mix with.

TheCatInTheHairnet Tue 13-Nov-12 01:48:40

I think the important thing is for him not to know what he said has had any reaction whatsoever. So, yes, join clubs. Every child feels not included in something. It's when they feel not included in EVERYTHING, there is an issue.

Minoush Tue 13-Nov-12 07:39:20


exoticfruits Tue 13-Nov-12 07:57:38

It would seem that he has been checked out so I wouldn't give him the reaction- stick to something mild like 'we all feel sad, angry,frustrated(whatever the emotion) sometimes, but we have to find a way to do something a out it- now tell me why you feel like that and we will see what would help.' If he is having a huge tantrum and meltdown you will have to totally ignore and have the discussion when he has finished. My DS1 was prone to say it at 6yrs , but he grew out of it. His was generally when things didn't go his way.

LDNmummy Tue 13-Nov-12 10:20:42

I see my solution was a total overreaction then. Glad to know its probably not something that needs that sort of reaction after all.

Minoush Tue 13-Nov-12 10:30:13

still not sure I shouldn't be worried. can't stand to think he might be so unhappy.

whatwereyouthinkinof Tue 13-Nov-12 11:22:56

How utterly heartbreaking for you Minoush. No wonder you couldn't sleep. I have a 5yr old (in reception) and had worries that he wouldn't make friends easily (he is a very 'individual' and rather dramatic character) .. so far we have been fortunate he appears to have a made some good friends...but I can see us in a similar situation to you in the near future so you have my sympathy. Someone told me the other day that at this age boys have a rush of testosterone that often makes life difficult for them and everyone around them, I don't know how factual that is but it would certainly explain my sons' sudden bursts of manic energy and violent emotion

You have already been down the seeing the GP and the mental health team route ... but if YOU feel they have missed something, go back and ask for him to be reassesed...(I know someone who had a miserable childhood all because her GP referrred her to a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist (or the other way round, I'm afraid I don't understand the difference) but things changed for her when she was a teenager and got the right help.) You know your child best and if you genuinely feel he needs professional help, insist on it.

Just for information..When my brother suffered school phobia (following prolonged illness and a long time off school, friends moving on to other friendships and behind with education) the child psyc. told my parents to get him something/do something with him all the other kids would envy to make him stand out from the crowd and boost his confidence...Their solution was to buy him a kids motorbike; he did mainly balance and skill motorsport (rather than speed stuff) and got quite good at it... the other boys begged to come and watch/have a go...and he quickly overcame his phobia.

One of the things that helped me during a bad bullying episode in secondary school was being told to find three good things that had happened that day, three positive things to be thankful for, to write them down and speak them out loud and be happy about them...even if they were little things like "the sun is shining" or "the cat preferrs me to anyone else" but especially "Mum and Dad love me" certainly helped me keep a more even keel during a horrid time. Perhaps a gentle reminder on the way to school of three positive things to look forward to/be grateful for might help?

To me TheCatintheHairnet has the most fabulous solution those individual brilliant playdates making him 'the' popular boy to be with! How brilliant! I will be following that advice myself.

I do hope you find the perfect way to help your son soon

exoticfruits Tue 13-Nov-12 14:32:27

Only you can know your DS as to whether to read more into it or not. My DS was a perfectionist and over dramatic when things didn't go his way. He found it difficult when young, but he seemed to have got over it all by teenage years and we had a much easier time. We can laugh about it now. I think you should go with your gut instinct as to whether you need to do more about it.

exoticfruits Tue 13-Nov-12 14:33:52

You do have to bear in mind that you can't be happy all the time and some children need help in overcoming the more negative emotions.

fromparistoberlin Sat 17-Nov-12 09:27:22


i can see its very concerning for such a young child to express such a strong and negative emotion

a few things occur

i think thecat gives some very good and helpful advice, do it!!!

in addition

talk to his school, any decent school should be on the alert for this and if it continues be extra observant for bullying etc

i would imagine he might need to help to articulate and express what he is feeling, and try and manage it

try amazon as there are some very good books for anxiety, i got one for my nephew

and personally I would invest in some therapy, as why not? nothing to lose and it could help

GOOD LUCK, thinking of you xxxxx

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