Advanced search

3y8m DS keeps wetting his pants (and it is driving me nuts)!

(19 Posts)
NeverTalksToStrangers Sun 11-Nov-12 00:08:31

My DS has been training since before his 3rd birthday and yet still manages to wet his pants at least once every day.

He has in the past gone maybe 4-5 days in a run without wetting, but then reverted back to being as bad as ever. I don't think he's had a dry day at all in the last month.

The odd thing is he generally doesn't wet during the day (he has been at nursery school since mid-sept and hasn't wet himself once there). My mum picks him up from school and he's normally good for her, until me or my DH come home and he lets it all flow. It MUST be us as the only times he seems to wet when it's not the evening is the weekends when he's at home with us.

It is driving me nuts. I know it's mostly laziness, as he'll wet himself if he's watching some tv prog he likes, or playing with something fun. We've tried every tack, reward charts, ignoring it, being cross, being sad, taking things away/turning off tv, promising treats if he stays dry etc. Nothing seems to work. We try reminding him or saying "you can have that if you go and do a wee wee" when he asks for something, but 50% of the time he will swear blind that he doesn't have to go and 5 mins later he's soaked. I hate being cross with him, but it's hard not to be when he does that. You would be cross with a child his age for doing something else he knew he shouldn't.

When I ask him why he wets his pants he'll say "because i want to" and he's not trying to be cheeky. There's no shame with him when he does it. He knows we don't like it so he'll often hide his pants and trousers under the bed, but it's not like we don't realise as he'll come out wearing pants only. And when he knows that we know, he never looks annoyed by it or guilty.

Has anyone else been through this or have any advice for me?

Mollydoggerson Sun 11-Nov-12 00:26:51

I'm going through it, also need advice.

Pancakeflipper Sun 11-Nov-12 00:35:14

I am a little tiddley on the wine tonight, but can relate to this with my DS2.
Some wee because going to the loo means they have to remove themselves from things that are fun and interesting ( so its worth weeing rather than missing out).
Have you tried a reward chart and OTT praise? Rewards, stickers etc? My DS2 has managed to collect himself an envious stash of Ben10 toys as rewards but it seems to have worked.

And is your loo comfy and 'secure' for him? My DS2 had to have it 'just right', the right seat, the right stool for his feet to rest on etc.

It will ''click" but it is so frustrating.

amazingmumof6 Sun 11-Nov-12 00:41:25

"he does it coz he wants to!" is the key
things adults do at home but would NEVER do elsewhere or anyone watching!

have you ever dropped your food but picked it up and ate it? or wear the ugliest most comfy clothes? or sneeze into your hands coz you can't find a tissue?
who cares? no one will find out, no one judgmental, that is!

yes, he doesn't do it elsewhere because it's impractical/embarrassing so he's on alert so to speak is quick to act

at home he's comfy and safe and relaxes and accidents happen...

children who wet the bed at night at home tend to stay dry if sleeping elsewhere for the same reason, they are just more alert/aware outside the home

no idea how to stop him , sorry, but however annoying for you try and keep calm/ignore it, he'll grow out of it eventually!

I'd try to give him less fluids nearer to bed time if this is more of an evening thing

NeverTalksToStrangers Sun 11-Nov-12 00:42:23

Tried it all. He mostly still uses a potty in the toilet as he doesn't like climbing up (even if we leave a step there or buy various toilet-seat add on thingys (I have spent a small fortune on pottys, seats, books, training pants)) but he uses toilets outside the house, so i'm happy enough with the potty use for now. His school has smaller loos, so he can go there no problem.

I know it is the rather-pee-than-miss-out thing with him. I also wonder about him not emptying his bladder as when he does go to the loo on time, he's off the seat in record time to get back to whatever fun thing he is missing.

amazingmumof6 Sun 11-Nov-12 00:44:08

another thought, does he do it also if :

a, you are with him, but not at home?

b, you are home, but others are present?

NeverTalksToStrangers Sun 11-Nov-12 00:46:08

Hmmm amazingmumof6 you may be onto something (not that i've ever done any of those things blush.

Thing is, it's more of a 5:30-6:30 thing, so not giving him fluids isn't an option as he's getting his dinner.

NeverTalksToStrangers Sun 11-Nov-12 00:49:41

a) yes, he's done it in my parents, my sisters etc. And other times when we couldn't get to a loo in time, in places like tescos (although that is more understandable)
b) yes, just last weekend he wet himself twice when friends of ours were visiting. It wasn't some sort of cry for attention, their 2 yo DD was there too and he was having a ball.

Jux Sun 11-Nov-12 00:51:44

DD could concentrate on something she was enjoying for much longer than she could her bladder! DD would also say she wasn't hungry if you asked. If you just prepared food and put it in front of her, she'd devour it! DH still asks her, and she still says no even though she's 13!

When you say he swears blind that he doesn't need a wee, do you ask him if he wants one, or tell him to go and do one? At this point, I would tell him, and not give him the option. Doesn't matter if he says he doesn't want one, if you know he's had a drink and a decent time interval since the last, take him off for one anyway. Also, if he's watching tv, take him in a break between programmes.

Also, he's spending quite a lot of time away from you each day, so maybe he feels he gets more attention from you when he wets himself. (Obviously he won't be aware of thinking this, I doubt very much it's deliberate thought.)

Good luck. And just to cheer you up, how many adults do you know who wear nappies? We all get there in the end.

Jux Sun 11-Nov-12 00:52:43

hold her bladder, that should have been! grin

NeverTalksToStrangers Sun 11-Nov-12 00:59:22

Oh we tell him to go. Sometimes he does. Others he swears blind.

The attention thing could have some truth to it, but he's not THAT attention seeking naturally (never was a clingy baby really).

amazingmumof6 Sun 11-Nov-12 02:22:07

could be the attention thing, but I think he just doesn't care that much...

or he might like the sensation of wee trickling down his legs, nice and warm smile <being silly>

I'd say it's 99% likely that he doesn't do it to annoy you though

could you try and ignore it for a while, be sort of casual about it and just get on with it? if it is an attention thing that should sort it out, no audience - no need for performance!

Pancakeflipper Sun 11-Nov-12 07:08:43

It looks like he's a "I cannot wee, something exciting will happen when I am in the loo"

So I think you have to take him to the loo when at home every 45 mins. Set a timer and when it pings he knows you are taking him to the loo.

NeverTalksToStrangers Sun 11-Nov-12 11:28:06

The whole 'warm sensation' thing might not be untrue. You'd think he would not like the cold after sensation though, but a lot of the time he is happy enough to sit there in saturated pants and trousers. Our house must stink of wee. Lovely.

Gonna combine some of the advice on here - will buy a special timer today and try and make it like a game or something, but if he wets himself I'll be casual about it. And if he's dry at the end of the day he gets a star on the reward chart.

pmgkt Sun 11-Nov-12 11:40:01

Have you tried a potty back in the lounge or wherever he watches tv. If he doesn't want to miss what's on, this may help him. Not a long term solution but may get the message through. My ds never says he wants the loo, we ask and then get him to try before meals, going out etc (he's only 2y 4 m ) but we always have to take him rather than him go. So could you just start taking him in between programmes on the tv so he's not missing bits but you may then catch it before he sets himself as well as teach him that if he doesn't want to miss anything he needs to go in the breaks.

NeverTalksToStrangers Sun 11-Nov-12 12:29:17

Leaving the potty in the room is not an option - I also have a 15mo DS who LOVES getting into everything... A few months ago he was literally OBSESSED with the potty, particularly when DS1 forgot to empty it immediately.

VDS1 knows to go to the toilet and close the door tight behind him (one of the doors in the house that, mercifully, DS2 cannot open).

It's not laziness on my part not taking him to the toilet. He won't let me come with him (unless we are out somewhere and he needs a lift up), and at nearly 4 he shouldn't need taking any more.

amazingmumof6 Sun 11-Nov-12 16:41:25

"our house stinks of wee" grin

my kids wet the bed, shared between the older four it happens probably twice a week

they sort themselves in the morning (shower, get dressed) but sometimes I'm unaware it happened as they forget to tell me in the morning, so when I get back from the school run and go upstairs their bedroom smells like a horses' stable


good luck

thegreylady Sun 11-Nov-12 18:59:00

Can you leave him without pants at all when you are at home? Put a potty outside the living room door where he can get to it quickly but you can field ds2 if needed.If ds1 uses potty you empty it at once with much praise and a small reward eg a chocolate button. If he just wets where he is he will be much more aware of it running down his legs.If this happens switch off tv or remove toys for about 15 minutes "while you clean up".

amazingmumof6 Sun 11-Nov-12 19:27:36

I wouldn't suggest going back to using the potty after being toilet trained as it would be a huge step back and far more damaging to the child's self confidence then an accident/day!

Imagine putting him back in a feeding chair just coz meal times are a bit difficult! potty is fine for whatever age, but not once they have progressed to the toilet!
- only exception is when they are ill, they might find it easier to use or it could be just more practical to use a potty, even a nappy, if must!

<one of mine once had such severe diahorrea, that at the age 7 I had to put him in the largest size nappies to avoid accidents. I explained that I'm not happy about it either, but the alternative is far worse...he understood it, but hated it>

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now