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11mo prefers Dad

(8 Posts)
vamosbebe Wed 07-Nov-12 08:40:32

11mo DS crying for two days (teething) prefers DH for comfort. When I go to take DS so DH can go for a wee, etc, he huddles into DH and cries more. DS is ff, we have always shared ff-ing.

Apart from it breaking my heart, is this normal?

DrSeuss Wed 07-Nov-12 09:50:01

Fairly average, in my experience. Sorry.

quoteunquote Wed 07-Nov-12 09:52:09

yes perfectly normal, encourage it, if he can develop a comfort relationship with both parents then all the better for him in the long run, this is one of those important stages where men can really bond with their child, because the child is demanding them.

it's not he prefers him, just he is totally assured of you unconditional love, so is trying out dad for size, it might even be the angle he can cuddle into him at, they can get more upright on dad, without the curve around the boob.

all of mine went through this with their dad, and it has made for a very close relationship, that has been really beneficial for the children, DH and myself.

It means that he will be very happy been looked after by his dad when you are not around, and will feel able to communicate with his father, and his father be able to respond.

monkeybubbles Wed 07-Nov-12 10:03:45

I was just about to post about the same issue, but with my 13 month old. It really is heartbreaking, he doesn't want to come to me when DH is holding him and had a full on tantrum when he left for work this morning. Of course I'm happy that they're close, but I can't help but feel a bit hurt.

Good to know it's not just us though, and hope it balances back out soon

DrSeuss Wed 07-Nov-12 10:08:10

Alternatively, enjoy the break!

notcitrus Wed 07-Nov-12 10:21:21

It will balance out. By age 3 they are guaranteed to want whichever one of you didn't come to them this time in the night...

GooseyLoosey Wed 07-Nov-12 10:21:48

This happened to me. I couldn't understand why and it broke my heart too. I was ashamed - other babies wanted their mothers but mine didn't, what was I doing wrong". I agonised over it.

Then I came here and realised that other people had the same problem and it just happens sometimes - no real reason. Nothing you are doing wrong.

Keep offering your child your unconditional love. Say nothing and do nothing else. Then one day, without you even noticing that it has happened, ds will fall over and run straight past daddy and straight to you for comfort. However, it might take a while.

In my case, it took nearly 18 months, until ds was nearly 3. He is 9 now and I can say hand on heart that he is my boy. It is me he has always looked to since to make things better and me he comes to to snuggle in to at night. He is still close to his dad but we have a relationship that is what every parent wants.

It will get better.

vamosbebe Wed 07-Nov-12 11:24:03

Wow - so reassuring, thank you.

quoteunquote you made a lot of sense (in fact you all have!) and that comforts me greatly.

I've had a lovely quiet 2 hours playing with DS, come down to make a coffee, have a packet of Buttons and check MN while DH is upstairs with a whining DS!

drseuss I'm most definitely enjoying the break (even though I can hear him wail, poor sausage).

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