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Toddler rejecting daddy - what should i do?

(6 Posts)
matana Mon 05-Nov-12 13:32:02

DS is almost 2 and has hit yet another bloody a phase that consists of yelling at the top of his lungs "Mummy!!!!" whenever i leave the room for even just a minute (and first thing in the morning) and only wanting to sit with/ play with/ cuddle/ accept affection and comfort from me. Poor DH got really upset last night because it's been going on for a few weeks now and he feels very unloved. And for my part, i could do with just 5 minutes to go to the loo without hearing DS screaming because he doesn't want comfort from daddy, he wants it from me. DS has never been clingy, so this latest phase is a real challenge.

Monday afternoons are daddy daycare in our house and i normally get home around 5pm. As soon as i step through the door, my DH is a distant memory and it's all about mummy for my DS. I'm trying to get them to spend some time together without me around, as DS is very happy with DH unless i'm within hearing distance. Tonight i plan to go food shopping after work just to given DH and DS a bit more time together without me around.

Has anyone else gone through this? Is it a phase and will it pass? Any tips to encourage the relationship? DH is very hands on and does love his time alone with DS - it's not that i do everything for DS and DH does nothing. The only thing DH no longer does if he can help it is change pooey nappies because they make him violently sick gag a bit.

JammySplodger Mon 05-Nov-12 16:37:44

We had that. It did pass but the best thing I found was to go away for a long weekend, DS1 got noticably attached to DH to the point that when I came home, DS tripped or something but went straight to DH. DS still went back to being clingy with me but it did change his behaviour to DH for the better. Is that something you would possibly be up for?

The other thing we do is I'll leave DH to put the 2 DSs to be and do their story time, his favourite bit of the day as they cuddle right up to him.

mentlejen Mon 05-Nov-12 17:05:38

It's so tough for Dads, this bit, isn't it? I think it's very normal and will pass. My DH found it hard and while I was really sympathetic I was also desperate to be able to get a shower etc without the drama!

Have you recently changed working or childcare arrangements? A transition always seemed to throw my DD deeper into the throes of this and it would take a couple of weeks to settle back down a bit.

Like Jammy, when I had my first weekend away and DD spent the whole weekend with DH, things shifted. She's now 3 and three quarters and sort of has phases of it being all about me and sometimes preferring DH. He sometimes gets home in time for stories and she's more than happy to turf my out of her bedroom in favour of him! Our youngest arrived a year ago and that certainly shifted her focus to her Dad exclusively for a while and redressed a lot of a balance.

matana Wed 07-Nov-12 11:02:00

Thanks for your replies. I'm reluctant to have a weekend away because i work FT so feel my time with them both is precious. I have friends in London though, so perhaps another night away for a pre-Christmas night out might be a good idea. I can stop overnight at my friend's and come back the following day. I am trying to give them more space, so i'm going out tomorrow evening (sadly, just with work!) and they'll have the whole evening together. DS is always fine when i'm not around and has a lot of fun with DH too.

There have been no changes in his routine or childcare arrangements recently and in all other aspects seems happy and settled, although he's a bit more fearful of the unknown or new experiences than he used to be. I now seem to remember my niece going through a similar phase at the same age which coincided with her final molars coming through. Perhaps that's something to do with it too.

Mylittlepuds Wed 07-Nov-12 11:25:25

I'm the one that's being rejected and it's horrible. I have no idea what I've done wrong. He goes to DH when he hurts himself and to me it's heartbreaking as I've always been told they're the golden moments of being a mummy - when they come to you for comfort. He's never been like that with me and it breaks my heart.

ThisIsMummyPig Wed 07-Nov-12 11:31:58

I really feel for little puds, and your DH - However, it is fairly normal, and will even out over time. I actually found that going away and leaving them actually made it worse when I got back - they were fine while I was away, but when I got back they were clingier than ever. (both girls).

DH has had them on Mondays since I went back to work though (with each child) and I think that has done more for their relationship than anything else as he has to take charge then.

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