Ds has a diagnosis of aspergers traits. He seems either incapable or unwilling to reflect on anything. So for example if he's been in trouble at school he can't look back over why he did what he did or what he could have done differently. He struggles with looking over positive things too. As with lots of things though I'm never sure if it's just normal for his age and he hasn't reached that stage of development yet iyswim or if it's an ASD thing.
DD4 is 6, she most of the time can reflect on her actions if prompted a bit "how did you think about doing this", "did it make you feel better?" "How do you think it made X,Y,Z feel?"... but not independently IYSWIM unless she is the "injured" party.
When I prompt ds he just says 'I don't know'. It's hard to tell whether he genuinely doesn't know or just doesn't want to discuss it. If I say 'I think maybe you are really tired' he will agree but I suspect I could substitute it for something bonkers like 'it's probably because you had altitude sickness' and he would agree so that I would drop the subject.
A bit. I can ask him, once he has calmed down, why he eg hit his brother, and he can tell me it was because his brother had pushed him. He can also tell me what he should have done instead - tell me - but this abili of reflection is often not enough to stop him doing the same thing two hours later
Shoppingbags, ds1 answers all 'Why did y do that?' Questions in the same Shuttup Mummy way.
He will say he doesn't know, just to avoid having a conversations. In fact, he will tell me he doesn't know what he had for lunch, then when I say I am not cooking dinner until I know what lunch was, he will give me the full menu list immediately! And when he's done something wrong, and I ask him what he should have done, he often can't answer me, and says "I shouldn't have done the wrong thing" (and I can tell by his face he's thinking "oh god, shut up, mother, it's done, why are we still talking")
Thanks for all replies. We also get 'I don't know' about what he had for lunch too. I make him say 'I can't remember' as the I don't know drives me bonkers. I guess ds can reflect in a factual way so he can tell me exactly what led up to something, he just won't discuss the feelings side of it.
Hi shopping, we had a talk about comic strip conversations at the support group i go to the other day. I think these would be a great way to introduce reflexion.
You can find out a bit on google but the lady who talked to us recommended using individual squares of paper for each bit of the conversation/story and then if it gets muddled it can be rearranged without spoiling the paper.
I am going to try it with Dd3 who is 10 and has ASD.