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(15 Posts)
mummytofraya Wed 31-Oct-12 23:55:23

ok my little girl has just turned 5, she is very bright when it comes to numbers/reading/writing and her attention to detail when drawing is unreal ! but here are the problems..1. she has no friends, she is outgoing and talkative so its not like she can't make them, and she isn't nasty or anything. she just isn't close to anyone (only 1 boy) and when at a school disco i noticed she just wandered about by herself. 2. she is VERY sensitive, she will cry at anything !! her moods are very much up and down, very changeable. she don't throw tantrums or anything like that, its not about getting her own way or anything.3. hearing, she gets upset if things get to loud, music, t.v, talking. but its not her actual hearing and it can be selective. i just don't know, my mum has always said there maybe a problem but she just don't seem right sometimes sad she has a long attention span and will sit 4 hours doing something she enjoys, she doesn't have any problems as such...anyone ?????

sausagesandwich34 Wed 31-Oct-12 23:59:39

many children that are described as gifted and talented display many of the personality traits you describe

they share these personality traits with autistic spectrum disorder

have you spoken to the school to see if they have any concerns

this would be my first port of call if it were my DD

mummytofraya Thu 01-Nov-12 00:07:45

the thing is she was born with a cleft palate, any issues we sort of put it down to that but she has been at school 4 over a year now and things just don't seem right. at age 2-3 my mum said she thought there might be somethng like ADHD but we just brushed it weren't until her school disco a few weeks ago it sunk in !! i spoke to the teacher and they said they would look into it, but it was only a chat at the end of school when i voiced my concerns. i have a parents evening in a few weeks and was wondering if to talk about it then or make an appointment mum and i spoke again about it today ans she said about keeping a diary of every issue when it happens so i have record of everything, then maybe in 6 months time go to the doctors x

mummytofraya Thu 01-Nov-12 00:12:31

oh and she is a chatter box..has no probs in holding a convo with ppl x

sausagesandwich34 Thu 01-Nov-12 00:15:32

you need to make an appointment other than parent's evening, the 10 minutes (if that) will not be enough time to discuss

is her speech clear? (please don't be offended by that question but I know that palate issues can affect speech and this can be an issue is making friendships -I know you say she is chatty but is she clear?)

being able to concentrate for several hours would hint more towards aspergers rather than ADHD but it may also just be her personality

you really do need to get school to get the ball rolling for assesment

sausagesandwich34 Thu 01-Nov-12 00:16:03

well that answered one question lol

x post!

mummytofraya Thu 01-Nov-12 00:22:29

she had her last speech session a few weeks ago, they had to film her as it was her 5 year assessment. when she talks she can lose some of the sound as her palate isn't closing but when she is asked to say something its all good. the lady said its like us talking normally but then when we answer the phone we use a different voice, which is what she has to do work harder and use her phone voice all the time lol. most ppl do understand her though, i have asked a few teachers to check and most say they can understand her. see i am just wondering if its just who she is BUT there just seems to be something there other than her cleft....ill ask the scholl but sometimes there not that great at picking up on these things sad

mummytofraya Thu 01-Nov-12 00:26:03

thanks 4 replying btw.....sometimes you feel your just worrying over nothing. im laid back tbh and maybe if it weren't 4 my mums input i prob would of left it a bit longer, but i suppose these things are better sorted asap x

sausagesandwich34 Thu 01-Nov-12 00:30:32


my DD was majorly sensitive to noise and it did worry me

she was asessed and it's just part of her, but I got support managing her 'quirk' and she is now a happy 11 yo -still wouldn't choose to go to a concert or anything but could manage if she did go

with all of these things, early support is key and you will only worry if you don't investigate fully

mummytofraya Thu 01-Nov-12 00:37:35

did she have hearing tests, did they come back with anything or is it all in their heads....fraya is due a hearing test as i did mention it at her cleft clinic a few weeks ago, they siad to do a hearing test but she has had 3 in the past and all come back with no probs. most kids love school discos but when asked if she wanted to go she said no cos it hurts her ears and its to loud sad mind you she was watching xfactor the other day and said the same thing about rylan and asked me to turn the t.v off lol...

sausagesandwich34 Thu 01-Nov-12 00:59:17

she had a hearing test but no issues

she just got overwhelmed in noisy and additionally busy places

couldn't take her to the cinema, shoping centers, couldn't hoover etc

did a lot of work about expectations (her's mainly lol) and then did small periods of exposure

so we talked about 'what's the worse that can happen?' and 'what can you do if it get's too loud?'
her singing a song in her head really helped but she also learnt to recognise when she is getting overwhelmed -she used to tell me she needed a break, now she's older she just tells her friends she need the loo and that 2 minutes gives he rthe space to compose herself

ClapTrap Sat 03-Nov-12 14:46:46

I am really interested to read your post as I could have written the same thing, word-for-word about my 4.5yr old DD. She is bright in all the same ways you mention. She has a thirst for knowledge, a great vocabulary and will talk until the cows come home - but, she does not have any friends. She has never played with other children despite many opportunities to do so. She says she thinks they are boring. She does not play with anyone in her group. I have heard she may have one 'friend' in a different year group, but it sounds as if DD just tags along and does not really know what to do. The teacher says she enjoys adult led learning activities and creative activities, but just wants to learn and has no interest in the play based curriculum of the EYFS.
At home DD is very playful, but it is all on her terms. She leads the games and takes a lot of persuasion to add to or change the game. More often than not she will not play with toys properly, merely order them and put them into queues or lines. She loves organising them and playing queuing games.
She is anxious about loud noises, hair-dryers, hair-dryers, hoovers etc and if we are going somewhere she has never been before. She will always ask 'can I leave If I don't like it?' She can be a little erratic in her interaction with strangers - sometimes she will chat away, sometimes she will be incredibly shy.
She walks along lines, cracks or any patterns she can see.
She can sometimes seem in appropriate in her address also. She doesn't mean to be rude, but she may seem so as she will 'talk down' to people from time to time.
Does your DD also display similar behaviour to this?
Your post got me reading last night and I found several interesting articles on girls and Aspergers Syndrome. I am now convinced this is where my little girl is - it is much more subtle that in boys and often goes undetected. I am planning on meeting with her teacher now to find out more details about her social interaction at school and then approach my GP. (My hope btw, is not so much a label, but to help me and other people understand why she does the things she does so we can support her appropriately. I can't see why she can't have a a full and happy life with AS.)
I would be very interested to hear if any of this sounds similar to you as I feel like there is something not right, but I am desperately seeking answers.

DeWe Sat 03-Nov-12 19:08:12

All of the things could be nothing to worry about, but it may be worth getting it checked out. As you've several worries it's worth speaking to someone, perhaps ask the teacher if she has similar worries.

On friendships, my observation is that the close friendships generally come in year 1-2. It may be at the disco the group of others that she usually plays with at school she either couldn't find or weren't there. Friendships are quite fluid at that atage. Not having close friends if anything is an advantage because they will make more friends, and hence more to fall back on if close friends go wrong later.

On the ears: My ds has glue ear. He has pain with loud noises and finds it overwhelming-in fact I've not taken him to the school discos for that reason. The doctor explained it to me something along the lines of: There's a muscle that acts as a dampener on your ear drum. His is damaged/in an infection it can swell, and when a loud noise comes the drum just keeps on vibrating rather than being damped down as a "normal" one is. If she has glue ear then it comes and goes so a hearing test doesn't necessarily pick it up.

Both my dds (aged now 12 and 9) have stages of being sensitive (yes even the 12 yo one) where they seem to cry at the drop of a hat. Tends to be about nothing (eg having the same dinner tonight as they had at their friend's yesterday confused despite it being their favourite dinner). I think it's a "girl thing"-I've heard similar from other mothers. But neither did this at school as far as I'm aware ever.

mummytofraya Fri 09-Nov-12 22:30:37

sorry not been on again since my first postings...i still need to book her hearing test but i don't think they willfind anything sad she to gets stressed when going places like cinema bless her, i have appointment at school on tuesday to talk about her and go from there..there are quite a few things when reading up on asperges i think yer she does this and shes like that. there are just so many things really that you end up forgetting. mind you 1 of them did make me laugh as she does it ALOT says inappropiate things and not realising !! she did once shout " i want a toy willy" on a packed bus before !! lol. claptrap fraya is just the same, she just don't seem bothered by the fact she has no friends sad i just thought at her ages she would be upset that no one wants to play !! but its her who chooses not to anyway !. my girl don't like changes in rules or the way she does things, for instance when she gets ready 4 school she gets her undeware out then gets dressed, she is running low on tights atm and if there isn't any in her draw she makes an issue out of it ! even if you tell her to just get dressed as there downstairs drying she will still say "i got no tights" and will take her time getting ready, it seems to upset her. yes they do seem similar indeed, i really need to start making a diary...she doesn't understand jokes either or if your just messing about ! she just takes it all to heart, even the smallest thinga and will cry. im just like you atm, just trying to get answers really, looking it up on the internet but def keep me updated with any more info you have or if you get more answers on your little girl. dewe i really do hope its nothing, my first daughter now 9 was so easy so im hoping its just fraya playing up, wanting attention but it just seems like she don't even realise what she is doing, that there is nothing wrong with her behaviour at all, thats the worrying thing but i hope it is just a stage that she will grow out of. x x

mummytofraya Fri 09-Nov-12 23:00:07

oh and another thing is when she hurts herself...when it seems to me it must hurt she just blocks it out, and if it really did hurt instead of coming to me 4 hugs and "mummy will make it better" she will run away !! she would rather cry alone ! a few of the dinner ladies at school has picked it up when she has hurt herself and they go to see to her but she has pushed them away...also she loves rocking ! since a ababy you just can't get her ut of a swing, she don't are for other play equipment, just swings ! x

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