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Close to throttling tantruming 2 year old....

(18 Posts)
OldandUnwise Fri 26-Oct-12 13:21:51

Who is currently in her room shrieking. That's all really. What do you all do?!? There is no distracting her. The only thing that works is the offer of 'cake' hmm and that's not going to happen. All she seems to do lately is declare 'no', whine and screech. Well right now as she hits a crescendo thats what it feels like. I honestly don't know what to do when she's like this...

It feels like I am doing something wrong when she has a tantrum in public with the palpable disapproval and audible tutting as I march away wrestling with a flailing and hollering toddler who is refusing to walk and carrying on like I am trying to pull out her finger nails when we need to leave the park, the toys at the doctors, etc. blush I do not have the ONLY obstinate 2 year old do I?

This will pass, right?

PS... Really she is a gorgeous, sweet little thing. Honest.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Fri 26-Oct-12 13:24:18

Oh it's completely normal!!

Try Dr Greens Toddler Taming book-loads of very helpful advice in there.

Right now-as long as she's safe, I'd leave her to scream it out and start again once he's calmed down.

Go and put the kettle on.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Fri 26-Oct-12 13:24:54

She's - not he's!

SheilaWheeler Fri 26-Oct-12 13:29:54

Totally agree with boys.

I look after the tantrum queen. We just step round her when she's in full flow, ask politely if she's finished yet, then hugs all round when it's over.

I can remember my Ds2 flinging himself on the floor of the supermarket, hands round my ankle. I just ignored him and he dragged along behind me screaming. Got some judgey looks that day!

RubyrooUK Fri 26-Oct-12 13:33:38

I feel your pain.

Two year old DS has decided that he no longer likes his favourite food (spaghetti) any more. And last night he refused all food and lay on the floor of the restaurant shouting "ice cream" repeatedly. He does not have ice cream for dinner ever. He screamed in a quite mental way and went seriously red faced and unattractive. All other families with children eating neatly just stared with great interest.

DH was busy saying loudly "he doesn't get ice cream often actually..." in a pointless way.

In his defence, he is pretty good natured ad has only really taken to whining with gusto recently. But it does make you feel like your head will explode.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Fri 26-Oct-12 13:41:42

And when out in public, if the tantrum is unavoidable, take deep breaths, decide on whether you're going to stick to what you're doing or leave (shopping for example)

Then be firm with her and take charge and go with your decision.

Once a tantrum is in top gear, tbh I found you just have to ignore it and ride it out.

Many a time I've dumped my trolley, whipped up ds1, and carried him straight back to the car and gone home.

There is no negotiation or reasoning with a 2 and 3 year old most of the time.

Sod everyone else. Do what's best for you and your dd.

OldandUnwise Fri 26-Oct-12 18:32:30

F*cking hell. If nothing else I have to admire her stamina. She is now in bed thumping away to make her profound indignation clear.

She threw a hissy fit at dinner as she had dropped a blueberry on the floor and needed to get down at the precise moment she noticed. She did not want a bath... Cue screeching. Then when the bath was ran she wailed, grunted and shouted because she wanted in NOW. Played quite happily, chattering away as I bathed ds (16 weeks). Got ds out intending for her to play while I got him all nappied and pj'd up. She just stood there screaming at the top of her lungs. Tried to wash her hair/bath her through her screaming 'NO!' and wailing. This carried on until I threatened to take away the manky stuffed animal that she carries everywhere... She calmed down and I went to say goodnight properly and she bloody well started again when I went to leave the room.

I swear she understands far more than she lets on and this is some kind of experiment in psychological torture. This cannot be 'normal' surely? If she does not get what she wants immediately she tries to put the windows out with her ear splitting shrieking. I am getting some very funny looks from the neighbours... Which I am over but I do feel a bit sorry for them to have to sit in their house as their glasses and windows are rattling from the force of her extremely loud, extremely high pitched vocal cords.

Just needed to vent.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Fri 26-Oct-12 19:02:39

Did you not know that babies actually study Chinese water torture in the womb, but are only really effective of using their skills when they are in toddlerdom? wink

Tis true !!

Definitely try the book I mentioned earlier. I had the same with ds1 and the book was brilliant.

Might be available to download if you can't get to the shops.

OldandUnwise Fri 26-Oct-12 20:56:51

I will have a look Boys, thank you. I am now watching the baby sleep and wondering what skills he is honing... hmm I fully intend to exact my revenge during the teenage years... If we make it that far. After today I suspect I might be in a padded room licking windows...

Iggly Fri 26-Oct-12 21:40:16

Is she napping? Ds goes mental when overtired.

midseasonsale Sat 27-Oct-12 21:28:10

Boy it's hard going isn't it! Things that helped me -

Walking away. Get your self a cup of tea or something nice

Time out.

Pre-warning a child that they have to leave the park in 5 mins. Set an alarm if need be and leave when it goes off.

Tell the child what you are going to do next well in advance 'first you have a very short play at the GP's, next we pop in and chat to the GP, then after that we get some flapjack from tescos and then we will go home and put night garden on but only for half an hour' Try and throw in some nice treat activities to help them move one

Distraction

Bed early

Pretend to be in a great mood even if you don't feel it. Sometimes you can jolly things along being silly and daft. Try and make her laugh? Can you make bath times fun?

SuzySheepSmellsNice Sat 27-Oct-12 21:55:44

I'm getting scared, DS is a willful almost 20mo, I have all of this yet to come... confused

Eggsbon Sun 28-Oct-12 02:35:53

My DS is 23 months had a complete meltdown when we were out for lunch as soon as we put him in the highchair. He screamed for about 20 minutes (luckily no one else was in the restaurant). I tried ignoring him, toys/books to distract him - nothing worked, it just made him crosser. My mum pointed out that he was looking at me like he wanted a cuddle even though he was so cross. I think my hair would have been ripped out, had I got too close, so instead I started singing the lullaby I sing before bed. Well I was shocked, he immediately quietened down and after him demanding 'again' for 10 minutes, he eventually got back to his normal happy self... This wouldn't always work I suspect, but sometimes I think they have trouble handling their emotions, so may need help to get them under control again. Might be worth a try if nothing else works...

BabydollsMum Sun 28-Oct-12 06:04:17

Me too Suzy. I've told myself it's the terrible twos already but I think wilful 20mo DD has a few more gears to go up. wine

TheCountessOlenska Sun 28-Oct-12 06:25:11

Thanks for starting this thread OP - I feel so much better when I'm reminded that I'm not alone!

DD had a window shattering tantrum last night at bedtime (DH has remarked before that even when he parks in the next street he can hear her when he get out of the car!). I knew it was because she was tired (nap refuser) and it was so frustrating because the longer it was taking to get her into bed, the tireder and more out of control she got. She was screaming and refused to let me put her in the bath, take her out of the bath, put pjs on , brush her teeth etc etc.

Am pregnant with number 2 so can't even drown my sorrows when she's asleep!

How old is your DD OP? Mine is 2.6 - am hoping this phase may be over by the time she's 3???

BabydollsMum Sun 28-Oct-12 06:30:44

Loving the phrase 'nap refuser' Countess. I have one of those too. Sigh.

Iggly Sun 28-Oct-12 07:54:33

Mine only napped if I sat with him until he slept.

Actually quite nice when I was pregnant as I could have shut eye too...!!

OldandUnwise Tue 30-Oct-12 11:11:47

Took me a while to get back. Been so busy as we are in the process of moving back to the uk. Packing with a 2 year old and baby has been a bit challenging to say the least.

DD is 2 years 5 months. We are kind of in nap limbo which does not help. If she has a nap her bedtime goes to pot... Spends up to 2 hours doing laps around her bedroom, jumping on her bed, etc. I caught her dancing on her window sill one night hmm. Then there is the wailing refusal to have the nap which is nice but does fade once she realises that she is actually tired. If she does not have a nap she is a bit special by bedtime but goes straight to sleep... So hard to strike a balance.

I do feel a lot better knowing I am not alone and likely not doing too much wrong. I suspect she would disagree and declare that she does not get nearly enough cake grin

I do hope this passes before ds starts!

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