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I don't want to bite my baby

(44 Posts)
aimingtobeaperfectionist Fri 26-Oct-12 08:57:58

So we had friends over the other night and their DC has just got 2 teeth through so we were saying 'ooh just wait for the biting to start!' as we have a DC a bit younger it's obviously on my mind this will be something we will probably have to deal with. Anyway, the DH says 'I'll bite DC back. I've done it before and it works.' to which DW says 'yes I've already pulled her hair to teach her not to pull mine'.
I was 'wtf?!' but didn't say anything as I was a bit shocked and their parenting is quite different to ours.
I'm just not into this kind of punishment for kids, I'd rather try to teach DC its wrong and not to do it rather than 'I can bit harder than you'. Am I alone in thinking this? I also felt a bit blush that I couldn't say 'oh no that's not what we'll be doing'. Don't really know why. They think we're a bit 'woo' anyway as we ebf and DC still sleeps in our room (5momths).

aimingtobeaperfectionist Fri 26-Oct-12 08:58:58


Greensleeves Fri 26-Oct-12 09:01:35

Are they very close friends? I would bin them. Tossers.

AlmostAHipster Fri 26-Oct-12 09:03:41

Um I've never bitten one of my kids or pulled their hair because that's verging on abuse! Your friends have weird ideas!

MarianForrester Fri 26-Oct-12 09:06:25

I agree with you, and am also viewed as "bit woo" by others grin

It's really difficult when you and friends disagree over parenting. I gave a friend who does similar type things and sometimes I want to say something. But I don't blush.

But we are right, OP

Wetthemogwai Fri 26-Oct-12 09:06:37

Mil told me to bite dd when she started biting. I ignored her and just kept her away from the child who was teaching her to bite. It's not my cup of tea but each to their own I suppose. I did make sure mil knew not to bite dd though!

perplexedpirate Fri 26-Oct-12 09:06:40

It's not verging on abuse, it is abuse.
Absolutely ridiculous. Biting a child, indeed!

Rosa Fri 26-Oct-12 09:09:35

I have resorted to lying on the floor and kicking my feet in the air to show dd how stupid she looked. But then she is 3 ! When my eldest bit at 2.5 it was obvious frustration and a sharp telling off worked.
WIth hair pulling its simple tie it back so they can't pull it when they are little - both of mine loved playing with my hair with cuddles and when they pulled a simple no Mummy diddn't like that worked - well most of the time but they were under a year FGS- What stupid friends.

perplexedpirate Fri 26-Oct-12 09:09:50

Btw, I hope the people (in RL) who are advocating biting babies are ready with their explanations when they are referred to SS after someone sees the marks.
This has made me fume, tbh.

AlmostAHipster Fri 26-Oct-12 09:10:44

Well, yes, Pirate - I was trying to be diplomatic as my first reaction was to chin the bastards (the friends, not the children) and I try to tone down my responses on t'internet. But you're right - it is disgusting to bite a baby 'to teach them a lesson'.

CharleeWarlee Fri 26-Oct-12 09:13:26

How old is their DC?

My DD used to bite when she was teething but I used to frown at her and say 'no, thats naughty' she stopped eventually. She then bit me again when she was 3, which made me bleed and gave me a nice bruise for 2 weeks! so I nibbled her back - Did not even leave a mark but she never did it again.

mummytime Fri 26-Oct-12 09:25:51

I have heard people argue the biting thing, but to suggest it on a baby is so not acceptible I think I would bin them.
A baby gets teeth and shuts its jaws, it may bite you but there is no intention or even understanding. Biting back will have no effect except to traumatise the baby (Mummy and Daddy are sometimes nice but other times cause pain).

Biting back doesn't work with older kids either, pain doesn't always stop them doing something, it takes a lot of training to get a Pavlovian type response. Eg. DS fell down stairs, he hadn't stopped crying before he went to try climbing them again.

Training your kids to understand a clear "No!" is easier and more effective, as well as less cruel.

aimingtobeaperfectionist Fri 26-Oct-12 09:27:21

Their DC is 7 months sad. I just don't understand why anyone would want to do that to their baby. I've heard of it before, usually from older people and I'm pretty sure they're going by what their parents did etc but I stil think its wrong. I just wish I had the guts to say 'well I think that's wrong and I'll not be doing that' but I'm a wimp and I won't blush. At the moment they're far too small to realise they're doing anything wrong (hair pulling etc) and I'm not about to start punishing my DC for trying to explore the world, I'll just tie my hair up!

FreelanceMama Fri 26-Oct-12 09:37:30

Someone told me that if you bite them back then they'll understand how it feels and so won't do it! Wrong on so many levels.

I read somewhere that if you followed that logic then rather than tell children not to touch the oven door because it's hot, that you'd put their hand on it so they know for themselves how it feels.

Madness. I naively thought that having a baby would bring me closer to family and friends who've had kids, but it can reveal some really disturbing differences.

I love the tag 'woo' by the way. We get that because we don't have the TV on when our 9 month old is around. And because he and we don't know who Mr Tumble is!

ceeveebee Fri 26-Oct-12 09:44:58

Can I ask some advice? My 12 mo son bites his twin sister - and it's in a kind of deliberate way - for example if she takes his toy he will crawl over to her and try to grab it back and then he goes to bite her - and sometimes manages it, he drew blood on her finger yesterday. A sharp 'no' seems to have no effect. So do I just persevere with telling him no and hope he gets it?

Meglet Fri 26-Oct-12 09:51:29

I actually thought it was an urban myth that people bit their children.

Truly fucking awful.

When mine tried to bite me they went straight in their cot with a sharp 'no'. Then they were ignored for a few minutes. It doesn't solve it overnight but I think it keeps it to a minimum until they get out of that silly stage.

ZigZagWanderer Fri 26-Oct-12 11:30:22

I've not posted on this forum before but wanted to say that my mum used to bite us as babies/toddlers.
I was shocked when she told me, strangely she also now thinks I'm very 'woo' because I co-sleep with DS and breastfeed him (still at 13 months, shock horror).
How can a 7 month old possible learn from this?

belindarose Fri 26-Oct-12 11:33:30

This has made me cry, as I sit here BFing my 3.5 month old - who has 5 teeth! I just can't imagine anyone considering it.

Handsfulloffun Fri 26-Oct-12 11:49:09

ceeveebee My DT's are also biters. Yes just keep doing what your doing - they will get there but it wont happen over night. I say "Biting hurts" move the biter away and make a huge fuss of the bitten twin.
If they seem to be on a bit of a biting frenzy I give them a toy to bite and say bite this instead.
There are a couple of books - teeth are not for biting is one. We have never got round to buying them though

I know lots of biter backers in rl, like another poster mentioned they are probably just following what their parents did. I love woo - made me smile.

SparkyTGD Fri 26-Oct-12 11:55:56

I have heard of someone being charged for 'biting back' their child. It is something that used to be quite common but not acceptable IMO (or to the police, health visitor, GP, nursey staff...)

mummytime Fri 26-Oct-12 12:04:39

Ceeveebee what you do is, spot when he is going to bite her and remove him, saying No loudly. If possible dump him in a playpen or cot for a bit. See why he goes and attacks her, is it because he she has a toy? Is it because he wants attention - don't give him attention, which is why a quick No and remove and ignore (couple of minutes is fine for really littlies). Is it because he's learning he can make her make a noise?

It is really boring, but keep the No and remove. You can also try to distract before he gets to her, and giving him lots of attention when he doesn't attack (tricky), and make sure he has things he can bite.

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay Fri 26-Oct-12 12:09:48

Ceevee - I have a friend who used to deal with biting by picking her child up and putting him into the high chair (buggy if out) whilst telling him sharply how sore it was. She'd then go and make a big show of playing with the bitten sibling for a minute or two. Sort of demonstrating very visually that biting got him neither the toy, nor any attention.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Fri 26-Oct-12 12:15:18

Madness. I naively thought that having a baby would bring me closer to family and friends who've had kids, but it can reveal some really disturbing differences.

I've notice that too!

Op. Your friends are morons.

KateShmate Fri 26-Oct-12 12:16:40

That is horrendous OP, poor baby sad
With the hair pulling - a baby of 7months is simply grabbing anything within its reach - I think its the parents fault for having their hair in the babies' face! When my DTrips were babies my older 2 girls used to dangle their faces in front of the babies' and then scream that they'd had their hair pulled - I told my older girls off because they are old enough to understand that if they put anything in front of a baby, it will be pulled!

I don't understand this whole 'do it back to them' culture - babies copy what you do. If you bite them, they are going to copy you and carry on doing it!

ceeveebee Second the idea of putting them straight into a playpen or similar - swiftly pick them up and put them straight into play pen with a firm 'No! Do not bite'.

wonderstuff Fri 26-Oct-12 12:20:31

I lost count of the number of people who told me to bite dd when she was biting - even a nursery nurse at her nursery said 'some people bite their children back'. Shocking.

When their language gets better they stop. My parents used to smack - I think most did back then, it taught me that if my brother upset me walloping him was an appropriate response.

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