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Accidents at school

(12 Posts)
JAMcCarthy Mon 22-Oct-12 14:39:44

My 3 yr old was brilliant to train - got it and was clean really quickly when he was just 2. Over the summer just before he was 3 he started pooing in his pants again. We have tried to get him back on track with stamps on his hands / stickers etc but it is starting to get to be a real problem at school. He started school in September just after he was 3 and keeps pooing in his pants at school. He just had a couple of clean weeks but last week was very bad and the school are not at all happy. Today he had lunch at home then I got him to do a big poo on the loo and made a real fuss over what a good boy he is and gave him a "good work" stamp on his hands. Just took him to school and the teacher had a little word with me - can't sustain the situation etc. I am at my wit's end. Teacher is "seeing how it goes this afternoon". Any advice??

Goldmandra Mon 22-Oct-12 15:44:31

When you say school do you mean pre-school?

BarbarianMum Mon 22-Oct-12 19:40:18

At the risk of sounding flippant, try not to worry too much - he is 3.

If you post in Potty Training you will probably get lots of good advice.

As for school/pre-school, sorry but they have to deal with it - it's the law (yes, really). They cannot refuse to have your ds, or refuse to change him, or ask you to come in and clean him etc etc Ideally you, and they, will work together to solve this problem. I guess it would be reasonable for them to ask for him to be in pull-ups but beyond that they have to deal. So don't let them make you feel bad or ashamed. He is 3.

moleskin Mon 22-Oct-12 21:03:44

I think school are being very unreasonable. He's 3 fgs!! Their attitude is prob ten times worse!! Kick back and relax about it for a while. Like another poster said they can't refuse to take him or kick him out because he's having accidents or because he may need a pull up. My dd started pre school in Sept and has had loads of wee accidents almost daily at one point and not one word mentioned to me they just get on with it. Don't let them bully you and stress you about it

Goldmandra Tue 23-Oct-12 09:21:54

How did it go yesterday afternoon OP?

Other posters are right. If you are in the UK the school or pre-school must accept a child who has continence issues, otherwise they could be prosecuted for discrimination. Whether they are happy or not is irrelevant.

They should have a care plan in place detailing how they will manage accidents and what they need from you.

Could these episodes be a result of anxiety do you think?

DeWe Tue 23-Oct-12 10:27:49

Could he be constipated? My dd2 was like this and turned out whe was constipated. I wouldn't have guessed though, she needed a scan to show it.

JAMcCarthy Tue 23-Oct-12 12:12:23

Thank you for your wise advice. I agree. I really don't want him to get a complex about it and for it to become more of an issue than it needs to be.

JAMcCarthy Tue 23-Oct-12 12:15:09

He was fine at school yesterday. Thank you all you have made me feel sooo much better. Parents evening tonight...deep breath!!

JAMcCarthy Tue 23-Oct-12 14:49:34

Damn it. DH just got a call from school asking him to collect Ds as he has pooed again. He went this morning. Feel sick to my stomach. Self riteous prissy teacher is just loving this.... Arghhhhh

Goldmandra Tue 23-Oct-12 15:31:39

OK you need to make an appointment to see the SENCo. Is this a private school, day nursery or pre-school? You need to ask for the HT/manager to be involved in the meeting too and of course the teacher.

Your son should not be being excluded because at three years old he is not able to fully control his bowels. That is unacceptable.

They need to write a care plan with you detailing how they will manage this. He cannot be the only three year old they have cared for with continence issues.

Have you provided them with wipes and changes of clothes?

JAMcCarthy Tue 23-Oct-12 15:46:42

Wipes, no, changes of clothes, yes. Will include wipes in his bag in future. I just know this is the only thing the teacher will want to discuss this evening at parents evening and there will be other parents in the room (sitting at other tables waiting for the teacher). It is the nusery unit at the church primary school. It is really starting to get to me. I had issues when my daughter had the same teacher when she raised that she thought my daughter had neurological/developmental issues also not in private and felt the whole thing was very poorly managed. Here we go again and I feel like a difficult parent.

Goldmandra Tue 23-Oct-12 16:41:00

Well the moment she raises the issue put your hand up and say

"Please can I stop you right there. This is not an issue I am comfortable with discussing in such a public meeting. I thought I was here to discuss how he is progressing in your nursery. I would be very happy to come in and discuss other issues in private on another occasion. When are you free?"

You are not a difficult parent. She is an unprofessional teacher.

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