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Is it 'not fair' to put ds (2) into nursery when new baby arrives?

(15 Posts)
loveroflife Sat 20-Oct-12 13:59:11

I have had such differing views about whether it is 'fair or not' to put ds into nursery the month before new baby arrives. The nursery say it's not a problem, but my mother and family say that ds will feel pushed out when new baby arrives and it is important that he is at home with me and new baby.

Obviously, I don't want him to feel excluded and want to do the best for him, so was wondering what others thoughts are? He is ready for nursery and I thought it would be lovely for him to have a focus and something special of his own to look forward to...

The nursery sessions would be afternoon sessions, three times a week.

Thanks in advance

IslaValargeone Sat 20-Oct-12 14:03:47

I think if he's going in before the new baby arrives it shouldn't be a problem.
If it was straight afterwards I would be inclined to feel the same as your mum.

BackforGood Sat 20-Oct-12 14:10:35

I agree with Isla. Starting him before the baby arrives makes a lot of sense. He is already going when the baby arrives and it will be too far apart in a toddler's mind to associate the two.

aufaniae Sat 20-Oct-12 14:14:33

I agree. A month before is a long time in a toddler's world. Also 3 afternoons is not that much, it's not like he'll be suddenly going full time.

Do your family have a problem with the idea of him going to nursery in general perhaps?

AntoinetteCosway Sat 20-Oct-12 14:15:03

I have pretty much the opposite problem. DD goes to nursery part time and we can't afford for her to continue if we have another baby before she's entitled to free hours. I'm worried about having her at home all the time with a newborn, taking her out of her routine and away from her friends etc.

I think as long as there's some continuity there's no problem-so if your DS starts well before the baby's born he's likely to accept it as normal and fine.

ZuleikaD Sat 20-Oct-12 14:21:41

Worth remembering that it's 'not a problem' from the nursery's point of view because they're getting paid. Your toddler's relationship with his new sibling isn't their primary concern.

However, I would tend to agree with the other posters - if he's starting a while before the baby arrives then it's less of an issue. I'm not sure I'd do it myself, but toddlers are jealous of newborns more or less regardless. A few hours a week shouldn't be too much of an issue, but don't think of it as 'something special of his own' - he won't see it that way at all.

naturalbaby Sat 20-Oct-12 14:24:02

If you want him to go, feel like it will be good for him and can cope with doing the pick up and drop offs with a newborn then it's up to you.
I couldn't cope with having to get anywhere on a certain day for a certain time with a newborn, it just wasn't for me! Have you got anyone to take him in or fetch him when you can't manage?

AThingInYourLife Sat 20-Oct-12 14:24:34

As long as nursery is established as somewhere he goes before the baby arrives, it shouldn't make him feel pushed out when the baby comes.

Ideally he won't associate the two.

Having a few afternoons just you and the baby will be a godsend.

loveroflife Sat 20-Oct-12 15:02:43

Oh thanks very much everyone.

Antoinette - there is an Early Intervention grant for 2 year olds - have a look at this and see if you fit the criteria - www.education.gov.uk/childrenandyoungpeople/earlylearningandchildcare/delivery/free%20entitlement%20to%20early%20education/a0070230/eigel

naturalbaby - I'll have a little bit of help in the first couple of weeks from family who literally will be tasked with picking him up and dropping him up from nursery, after that I'll have to just put a coat over my pj's and suck it up.

DS is extremely active and gets VERY bored at home in our small flat, so I am actually dreading having to stay at home with him and newborn as it will be very stressful. I'm going to just have to push myself and try and get out as much as possible, which is why the nursery is ideal for entertaining him and giving him the interaction that I can't.

AThingInYourLife Sat 20-Oct-12 15:27:03

Also smart thinking to have him in nursery in the afternoon.

Mornings is when toddler groups etc tend to be on, so you should have plenty if stuff to go to.

EagleRiderDirk Sat 20-Oct-12 15:35:56

Dd has been going to nursery 2 days a week since the start of this year and loves it. Ds was born just under 4 weeks ago and I was really worried she'd feel left out or pushed out as she was being shipped off. In fact it's been brilliant. She loves nursery and her routine, ds freaks her out a little when he goes on screaming fits so the days away do her good and she gets so much from nursery. Eventually we're going to have to cut her down to a day which is such a shame for her.

As long as your ds is going prior to baby being born and is happy and settled I'm sure he'll love his time away. And you'll enjoy the break!

loveroflife Sat 20-Oct-12 15:38:50

Thanks, it was actually more along the lines of 'Well, I know I won't be able to get out of my pj's until after lunch!'

A newborn, a lively two year old and morning appts = total and utter carnage...

notcitrus Sat 20-Oct-12 15:43:14

I think at least a month before should be OK - maybe 6 weeks in case baby comes early? If you play it as "place you can go to have extra fun while mummy is tired", could work very well.

My son was 3 when dd was born, but I found telling him while I was pregnant and after "Ooh, you're enjoying your icecream/going on the swings/playing with your duplo/etc! Dd won't be able to do that, she'll be too small" made him feel a lot better about all the things he could do and so far he really dotes on her. He often skips into nursery and tells her "you can't come to nursery yet, you're too small", and now "It's OK dd, you can come to nursery after Christmas!"

One benefit of ds going to nursery when dd was born was simply getting me out of the house - however knackered, once I'd flung clothes on me and ds, bunged dd in the buggy, and trundled half a mile to nursery and back, I felt a lot better.

loveroflife Sat 20-Oct-12 16:03:52

Well, the new baby is due exactly a month before the new term starts. I can't start him any earlier as it will be at the end of the previous term.

That's a lovely way of making them feel very grown up and proud to be a big boy - thank you, I'll remember that!

I am really hoping I don't have a c section (like ds) as I was in a lot of pain and will then really struggle to do the walk (30mins each way) with the double buggy <visualising natural birth!>

primigravida Sun 21-Oct-12 07:09:10

I did it with my three year old. He started kindergarten (one NZ type of nursery) three afternoons a week six weeks before DD was born and he loved it and was so good for me too as he had dropped his nap by then so I used to get DD down for a nap set the timer and have a nap myself.

Go for it, but do try to do it before new baby arrives as settling in sessions would be tough with a newborn.

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