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Ever had to have the willy conversation with preschool/nursery?

(24 Posts)
workingonitagain Fri 19-Oct-12 19:13:41

so my ds1 who is 3 has been going to pre school for 3 weeks (2 mornings a week) today i've been taken aside and told that nothing to be worried about but ds1 in the last 2 days has once got naked and got his winky out and was showing it to everyone and the other time in the toilet did the same whilst there were girls too.
she said it's probably coz he hasn't got a sister (only ds2) and it seems that it intrests him quite a bit that girls haven't got willys. i was a bit shocked that he did this as he is not bothered about his winky at hom at all, every now and then we have a laugh when he puts his pants on and his winky gets left out but nothing more. although he likes to get naked just before bathtime and has a jump around on our bed and he genrally likes to be naked but i wouldn't say he ever pays much attention to his winky.
the teacher suggested that i should just ignore it and see how it goes but i did talk to him about it on the way home and he though it was fun getting naked and showin his winky to others, so i told him that naked time is for our home and that he shouldn't show his winky to others. he said ok

so i just wanted some reassurance really that other boys go through this and that he will grow out if ( i mean i know that friendship with the winky is a lifelong thing) but hopefully showing it off in public isn't. I know if i was a mum of a little girl and she came back from school saying a boy showed me his winky, i'd not be happy. Most of his school mates are our neighbours so i know what his nickname is going to be from now on smile

thanks for reading it

tigersmummy Fri 19-Oct-12 22:32:05

He is simply exploring his body which is completely normal regardless of what nursery or other parents may say. At that age there isn't anything taboo about it and why should there be? To say you wouldn't be happy if you had DD and a boy showed her his willy at 3 years old - IMO that's sexualising children and promoting boys as potentially taking advantage of girls. Which as we all knows absolute rubbish. I'm sure you wouldn't be mortified if a little girl showed your DS her bits? Have a talk to him, explaining that we keep our private parts private but I'd be quite laid back about and not labour the point as fundamentally there's nothing wrong in what he's done.

Lougle Fri 19-Oct-12 22:56:09

If it's any consolation, my girls are almost 7 (SN), 5 and 3 and are completely obsessed with willies and, in the case of girls, the lack of. Honestly, even the poor puppy is frequently faced with musings that his manhood is due to him being a boy dog, and that if he were a girl dog, he wouldn't have a willy.

WorriedBetty Fri 19-Oct-12 23:01:40

Phew! You are lucky you didn't post this on feminism chat! - I think this is all normal as hell and he probably liked the attention a bit, and I bet the curious girls were interested as well. He might grow up to be an exhibitionist or not.. but I would guess that he will hardly remember this bit - personally I can remember quite a few 'sightings of willies' stories.. in the same way you get quite a few 'he/she cut her own hair' stories. Its one of those things!

SilverCharm Fri 19-Oct-12 23:10:20

WorriedBetty what rubbish you speak about the Feminist topic! The child is THREE.

If he were 13 then yes...maybe people would raise an eyebrow.

The women on the Feminist boards are reasonable people. Please do not demonize them.

OP...my DD is 4 and a lad in her preschool did this too....she told me and I jut laughed. They're almost babies still.

5madthings Fri 19-Oct-12 23:26:39

sounds normal to me!

you have done the right thing in chatting with him and telling him about personal boundaries/privacy.

my ds4 always likes to get totally naked every time he goes to the toilet! thankfully he didnt do it at pre-school and doesnt do it now he is in reception, he still does it at hoem and would be naked all day every day given the choice! my rule at home is pants must be worn for sitting on the sofa or when at the dining table and fiddling is to be done in private. my other boys had phases of this and grew out of it, well ds2 (10) would still be an exhibitionist given the chance tbh, but we are quite relaxed abotu nudity in this house.

workingonitagain Sat 20-Oct-12 21:04:05

Thanks for all ur replies. Seems you are all experienced in this matter, im going to fire another question at you! What do you say when they ask you what girls have then (if no winkies). not sure what to call it (if anything) as im sure whaterever i'd call it, he'll think what a funny name and will surely be hearing it a lot hmm

DeWe Sat 20-Oct-12 22:36:28

Dd2 saw a friend's willy at about that age for the first time. (getting changed after paddling pool).

"What's that?" she asked. "Can I hold it?"

The other child for some reason thought she was talking about his tummy button and told her it was what attached him to mummy in the tummy. Very funny. grin

5madthings Sat 20-Oct-12 22:40:45

We call it a 'girly bit' smile

There are.lots of nicknames but no universal name. Min min, mini, mary, tinkle etcetc. But my boys know the anatomically correct names as well smile

ballstoit Sat 20-Oct-12 22:55:32

We call it a 'front bum'...I hate all that 'flower', 'mini', 'daisy' stuff.

Just to reassure you op, I have a DS (7), and 2 DDs (5 & 3). At the weekends, when they watch the TV in their pyjamas, I quite regularly find the 3 of them sitting next to each other on the sofa, with their hands in their PJs fiddling with their willy/front bums. As my HV put it when I raised concern about DS doing this, it's no different to picking their nose, just a different body part grin

SilverCharm Sat 20-Oct-12 23:55:21

balls you can't parade "front bum" as more sensible than mini or foof or any of the silly names.

It's not a bum! It's a vagina.

My dc know it's a vagina but we call it all kinds of things...creativity makes us laugh.

5madthings Sat 20-Oct-12 23:57:51

silver i was about to come and say the same! Front bum is anatomically wrong, it us not a bum! They are all.just rather twee names for vagina/vulva. Its fine to use them but i am making sure.my children know the correct terms as well.

SilverCharm Sun 21-Oct-12 00:03:44

We sometimes come out with a girls name...like "Mind my Jacqueline" or "Stop scratching your Doris"

Amuses us anyway! grin

workingonitagain Sun 21-Oct-12 13:34:11

Thanks everyone, all these names did make me laugh, you are right we have to call it something. My oh is set on mini so i think when ds asks me next time, i'll have the answersmile Hopefully not too soon tho, it's not that i mind having these conversations with him but their imagination at this age is amazing and i don't fancy being called aside again in a week time coz he did something else. Although my mum said that it's just the begining and from now all kinds of different obstacles we're going to have to get through and im not sure im brave enough to face them just yet confused thanks ladies thanks

5madthings Sun 21-Oct-12 13:37:29

see mini doesnt work in this house as my boys are all car obsessed and a mini is a car! but my friend calls it a mini.

girly bit is what we are using at the moment, tho another mnetter told me they call it a yoni, which is a sanskrit word for sacred? anyway i like that but somehow dont feel comfortable saying it confused maybe i should just make myself use it! but i do want a term that is generally understood iyswim?

SilverCharm Sun 21-Oct-12 13:38:55

A YONI???? grin

izzywizzyisbizzy Sun 21-Oct-12 13:43:30

It's a vagina or in DD speak a babina - and it's private and no one is allowed to touch it except DD.

5madthings Sun 21-Oct-12 13:50:00

is it really bad that i have said to dd (21mths) that i shall 'put a nappy on her flaps' or am going 'to wipe your flaps' etc, for some reason she finds it hilarious, but its not the most appropriate term for a toddler blush

Nanny0gg Sun 21-Oct-12 15:10:41

My DGS often has conversations about willies. Preferably in public. As in 'Do you have a willy, grandma? Why not? Will you have one tomorrow?' etc etc.

Don't worry, all is normal!

ballstoit Sun 21-Oct-12 23:42:40

Bum's not actually a bit of anatomy is it?

The trouble with the right word for bits, is that it's a bit specific for the times I'm atually using the words...when DDs go to the loo I ask them to wipe their bum and front bum...not their anus, buttocks, perineum, vulva, vagina, labia etc, etc.

Runningblue Sun 21-Oct-12 23:49:22

DS likes to point out I haven't got a winky, and I think at this stage he is intrigued where the wee comes out, so I just say no, girls don't have a winky, they just have a little hole where the wee comes out instead.
He seems quite happy with this, and, as it's straightforward (by fluke) I at least remember what said!

Runningblue Sun 21-Oct-12 23:50:26

He is 3 by the way, not 20!

whatinthewhatnow Mon 22-Oct-12 00:11:28

it's a gina in our house, as in vagina but she can't say it properly. No silly words. Mini is quite popular round my way, but my friend's dd was horrified to be offered a 'mini milk' for pudding, which made us laugh for ages but also made my friend realise she needed to find another name for it.

We called it a woowoo growing up. I thought everyone else did until I was about 10.

babybarrister Sat 27-Oct-12 18:45:06

Had conversation - DS ands friends in reception all tickling eachothers willies in loos grin - I just made point only DS can touch his own willy and must not touch anyone else's bottom of whatever gender. As for fiddling ..... Fine but only in the bedroomsmilegrin

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