Hey im new :) - need help please

[KayteeB12]

My names Katie and im a 19 year old single mummy to little Kai whose just turned 14 months. I look forward to getting to know you all and your little ones but i really need your help
Kai has always been a very needy baby, needed to be held all the time, cried alot and i always thought it was cause he's intelligent and got bored easily. He sat up at 4 months, crawled at 6, talked at 8 months and walked at 11 months. However he's just so difficult that its driving my round the bend. We were together constantly untill he was 13 months when he started nursery as i went back to college. Now we have 4 days together and as much as i love him i dread them :( all he does is shout, scream or cry the whole day. i have so many toys for him but he wants to climb on the sofa, i put him down and he has a full blown tantrum, i try distraction, ignoring him eveything and its horrible :( he bangs his head off the floor etc. He wants to picked up and then put back down and its just never ending. i love him to bits but i just dont know how to cope with it anymore
any help would be much appriciated xx

[FrustratedSycamoreBonks]

Firstly except for college do you have any time without Kai? It is important to make time for you, when you can do something you want without having any demands on you.

Behaviour, I would say take some of the toys away, too many can be overwhelming.
Also at nursery he would have a schedule, a plan of what they do during the day, certain activities organised, lunch and snack at set times, etc, perhaps you could organise his time in a similar way? A wall planner with simple drawings of what is happening that day may help.

I had a head banger. With that you need to look at how you react, and watch him to see how he does it, does he hit the floor with full force, or hold back at the last minute. The best thing we tried was to chuck a cushion under DCs head and leave dc to it. Dc soon stopped when not reaction was gained from doing it.

Hth

[KayteeB12]

hey hun

no i dont :( im a single mum and my mum cant look after him cause she's not well. We dont have any friends or famly near by as we moved last year so no one to take him for me.

Thankyou for the idea ill definitly try it and im so glad to know im not the only one with a head banger, it really worried me and made me think there was something wrong with him :( xx

[Cupcakemummy85]

Hey I have a daughter who is 15 months and I am constantly posting stuff on her about her behaviour. She is a headbanger too. She throws so many tantrums and has started misbehaving at the table too now. I'm not much good on the advise front but I can say I'm there with u and I dont have time apart from her either. Sometimes it's not time apart u need but just some good days where they don't throw many tantrums and perhaps do as they r told lol. It's really tough and I totally understand where u r coming from. Maybe if I figure out how todeal with the tantrums etc i will let u know :s I guess the only thing we can do is try an stay calm. But u r doing such a good job raising a child and going to college. My hat goes off to you cause when I'm on my own for a whole day 9/10 I end up in floods of tears lol.

[cloggs142]

toatal sympathy with you. reading your comment it could easily have been me and my son. hes 18months now. same, sat up just over 4 months crawling by six walking by 91/2. Chaos from the word go. since he was born ive not been able to walk out of a room without a full scale tantrum and then the pleading crying, holding the breath and headbanging. like you i thought he was just pretty switched on and attached, but i think it just comes from spending so much time with mum! i do have a partner, but he works over 70 hours a week, and has left the house before we get up, getting back after midnight. That just leaves me and my little jude, all day everyday, and he cant handle it when im not there!
its bloody hard work, and 100% exhausting. I have family around here, but no babysitters and only see them about once a week max, so i decided to send him to nursery for just an afternoon a week....the first few weeks were hell, and he was worse at home. But honestly, ive seen such a big improvement in the little chap now hes been going for a while. dont get me wrong, its still horribly hard work, but i found the major thing is that hes reaching the age where hes having little conversations with me and understanding more. i can sit him down and explain something, and thats helped me more than anything!!!!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Some great advice from Frustrated especially about organising your day in a similar way to nursery and removing some of the toys. You definitely don't have the only headbanger either. Our DS banged his head in temper once then used to fetch a cushion each time he had a tantrum after that and stick the cushion on the floor before he started banging his head. We had to leave the room so that he didn't see us laughing!

What do you do on your days off Katie? I always found our DS was much better behaved if he was out and about. Do you go to any groups at your children's centre or library?

Have a look in your library for little angels by dr Tanya Byron or the happiest toddler on the block by dr Harvey karp. Both of these books are evidence based and both of the authors are parents which are always two good things to look for

[gallicgirl]

Have you spoken to your local Sure Start centre? Some areas have a scheme called Home Start where a volunteer comes and helps look after baby for an hour or so to let you do some things you need to. they might also be able to help with suggestions for dealing with your son's behaviour.

I would also strongly suggest getting out of the house for a while too. take your son to the park, nip to the shop, go to your local library. they need a change of scheme as much as you do. As much as possible, follow the routine from nursery as that will help him to feel secure.

[Haylebop12]

My dd is now 3.9 but we went through the head banging around 14/16 months. It was just a phase and although it sounds harsh I let her get on with it. She soon realized it wasn't getting her any attention and actually hurt! There will be more phases to come.

You definitely need some time just for you.

Hold in there, it's a phase and it WILL get easier!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Oh and welcome to Mn and you sound like a lovely mum btw.

[WitchesTit]

Why can't he climb on the sofa?

[KayteeB12]

thankyou so much for all your great advice girls! i cant wait to put them into practise. So glad im not the only one going through this, makes it a little easier!! haha.
the reason he cant climb on the sofa hun is because its quite low and he climbs onto the computer table which is behind it and then on to the windowsill yes i have a monkey LOL.
Does anyone have any advice about how to stop the sofa climbing? Whenever i take him down and say "no" he throws a huuuuge tantrum :( and i know he understands what im saying because his nursery tell me that whenever they say "no kai get down" he listens like a little angel!! kids aye? lol

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Just ignore the tantrums, stay consistent and eventually he'll get the message.

[WitchesTit]

Why not do some rearranging of the furniture to make it safe for him to climb on the sofa if he loves doing it, as you say it's quite low so sounds ideal for him.

It's good for toddlers to climb, it helps them grow stronger and teaches them balance. Also, it'd be one less thing for him to get yelled at about.

[KayteeB12]

cause i love at my mums house hun and she doesnt want to rearrange as ive asked her before lol she says just keep him off it x

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

If moving the furniture isn't an option how about distracting him with a book? He sounds like he likes being active, have you tried getting him to help you in the kitchen? There are some great recipes for cooking with kids on the BBC food website and you can get knives for kids, they can chop things up but can't cut themselves. I think ours were £3 each.

[KayteeB12]

hey julie
he has never sat down to read a book lol hes way too active!! The only time he pays attention to the tv is when mickey mouse's hotdog song comes on and he breaks into a little dance routine looool. i never thought of that to be honest as i thought he was to young but thats a very good idea xx

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Mine have both helped out from a young age, used to freak my friends out a bit when they saw them but as long as you keep him away from the heat and sharp things he will be ok. He might settle for a book if you sign him up at the library and let him choose his own books. Is the tv on all day too? Some children find it too stimulating and he may calm down a bit if you switch it off for a bit.

[KayteeB12]

ill definitly have to try that then if my mum doesnt go to mad, shes a clean freak and goes crazy when Kai makes a mess lol. The TV is on most the day even though he never sits and watches it its just on for the sake of it i guess encase one day he decides to watch it lool.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Well, if you do get him to cook then I suppose you'll just have to tidy up afterwards, but then I'm sure you'd do that whether he was helping or not. There are some recipes ]]www.bbcgoodfood.com/content/recipes/favourites/kids-cooking/ here]] to have a look at or (and I know I keep going on about the library) your library will have kids cooking books plus lots of books of activities for babies and toddlers. They might even do some free sessions too.

Here's the knife that my DC have used from a very early age.

I would seriously try at least a couple of hours a day without the tv too, some toddlers do misbehave more if it is on constantly. If its just too quiet for you, maybe stick some quietish music on or the radio on low.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Sorry here's the bbc link again .

[Viviennemary]

Why not enrol on another college course for the other two days for the time being. Your DS will make more friends and do more activities in nursery.

[KayteeB12]

thankyou so much!! ive done some research thanks to you girls and found a messy tots group on a friday which involves painting, play dough all that which im going to start taking him too :D
TV's definitly getting turned off and ill just have the radio on and Vivie i just think it'll be too much tbh lol its hard enough with the business course lol i couldnt manage two lool xx

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Yeah I don't think another course is a good idea either, you strategies for dealing with him when you've got him, not getting nursery to do everything for you

[KayteeB12]

exactly julie
apparently he's a little angel at nursery! if they tell him to get down he does, lets them change him with no problems at all, eats all his fruits and goes to sleep on a bed on his own with no bottle and just being patted on the back
i wander why :( xx

[peachypips]

It sounds like you have a high energy little boy there! I have two boys and I need to exercise them like you would a dog (!) or they bounce off the walls. I take them out once in the morn and then in the arvo. I make sure that one of those is a long walk or a big play in the park- something to knacker them out.
You sound lovely and like you are a great mum. Well done for managing as a single mum and still remaining chipper. X

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Lovely post peachy .

Katee he probably eats fruit at nursery because he is expected to and he knows there is nothing else. Same with going to sleep with no bottle .