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9m old ds still wakes frequently.

(6 Posts)
fishandlilacs Fri 19-Oct-12 14:37:42

This is a rough example of how our nights go:

7pm boob & bed
9.35pm crying 20 mins rocking shushing by DH
10.30 dream feed by me 8oz formula
11.34 awake crying soothed back to sleep with a cuddle and bit of boob
1.32 awake crying, big boob feed both sides 45 mins back in cot at 2.15
2.34 Woke up DH tried to give a bottle but DS became fully awake chatty and playful
3am I took over, tried rock and shush but he kept rooting for boob fully awake-bit of boob then huge poo.
3.35 Nappy change then into our bed for cuddles
4.25 finally fell back to sleep carried through to own room and cot
5.50am Awake ready for morning

The HV came out yesterday and gave me the talk about doing controlled crying leaving DS to cry and not feeding him at night.

I'm so infuriated that this seems to be the only solution other than grin and bear it. I cannot stand to hear him cry. All she really said on the matter is that "you know what you have to do, you just need to get on with it" Fuck knows. I just cant bear the thought of it.

She advised i give him milk puddings, custard, rice pudding etc to get his calories up in the day and not feed at night-seems so wrong. The other night he took 9oz in the dream feed so he is hungry.

ppeatfruit Fri 19-Oct-12 16:02:07

It's normal BUT i would be careful with the formula at night. He's probably waking for it and the dream feed doesn't seem to be working does it grin? I started giving our L.O's a proper 'meal' (pureed veg, etc. toast or whatever) at 9 p.m. or even later so they didn't go to bed hungry; then I found they would sleep till at least 5a.m. so we could have SOME sleep.

Does he sleep a lot in the day?

fishandlilacs Fri 19-Oct-12 16:19:32

The dream feed worked really well for 5 nights. He would take it then not wake til 4/5am which i could happily cope with.

Iggly Fri 19-Oct-12 17:22:21

Well at 9 months there's a huge developmental leap. Brains go mental...

Why are you mixing formula and boob at night? Surely is quicker to boob plus BM has the same number of calories as formula (they try and mimic BM after all)? Then you can work on reducing only one thing ie boob.

To be honest, he's waking for hunger and because his brain has gone a bit wired by the sounds of it. So I'd deal with the wakings the quickest way (BM? Cuddle?). Then it might pass of its own accord in a couple of weeks. Try putting him back into his cot for the first waking then in with you for the rest - to maximise sleep. Then hopefully he'll go for longer stretches and you can then put back in the cot.

fwiw I find that with both of mine, the early waking would be less painful if I kept them with me and fed them quickly as they'd fall asleep again.

If you feel like the feeds are becoming a habi, gradually reduce them by a minute at a time so his tummy gets used to not being fed (imagine if you suddenly stopped having a meal - you'd get hungry until you got used to it). The guy who came up with CC actually tells you to do this first after ruling out other causes for waking. Then and only then do you do CC. Most people advocating CC haven't read his book so get this wrong

Curtsey Sat 27-Oct-12 17:05:46

Does he eat much during the day? I have a baby the same age and tbh I think the key to a decent stretch of sleep is in solids. Dunno why, I know I keep hearing about milk being the main source etc etc but DD has slept soooo much better since she got into her three good meals.
She's breastfed too.
When he wakes what's he doing? Cot gymnastics or just upset?

beyoglu Sun 28-Oct-12 10:46:13

Full disclosure here: I'm doing CC with my 6 month old twins so you can take my comments with a pinch of salt if you're not up for CC... but...

OK so from what I've read, by the time they're 9 months old babies are physically capable of going the whole night without a feed (Marc Weissbluth, the cry it out guy, says some babies need a night feed till 9 months - everyone else says 6 months, and depressingly enough 75% of babies sleep through at 12 weeks - why didn't I get one of those??) but clearly if your wee guy is used to feeding in the night he won't be getting the calories in the day so he's still hungry.

The reason they're recommending you CC is because it looks like he needs a lot of intervention to settle when he wakes - either rocking or feeding. He's not going to sleep on his own so now that he's got an older baby sleep cycle - brief periods of wakefulness every 90 minutes - he's waking and can't get back to sleep. It's different to when they're tiny, when they just sleep like logs between feeds and wake up starving. CC should teach him to settle himself to sleep so that when he does come up into brief wakefulness he should be able to put himself back down.

If I were you the problem I'd have with this is, he's taking food at night, so he is missing it during the day, so when you're doing CC in the night how do you tell whether he's actually hungry or just having trouble getting back to sleep?

One thing that might help, you're using a bottle in the night but it doesn't seem to be settling him. Will he take a bottle during the day sometimes - he's not a bottle refuser? Then you could use the bottle in the night to feed him so that he gets something if he's hungry but it shouldn't be a problem with the CC as it seems it's not a sleep association for him.

What I would do if you wanted to try CC is pick 2 times to bottle feed him - say 10.30 and 3.30, that should be often enough to satisfy his hunger I guess - and then so if he cries around that time, go in, give the bottle, and come back out. If he keeps crying after he's had a go at the bottle, just treat it like any other instance of crying and do the CC thing.

That's basically what we've done with our girls. It was slightly different because their sleep associations were swaddling and dummies. It all worked fine when they were like 3 or 4 months but then they started busting out of the swaddle at night and needing reswaddled/dummies. And as they got older their sleep just got worse and worse to the point we were up reswaddling every 45 or 90 minutes all night. We took them out of the swaddle 2 weeks ago and I had the worst week's sleep since they were born but they were going to sleep without it. We were doing check and console at bedtime and what we found was that they always had a better night if they happened to fall asleep when we were out of the room but it was random whether we would manage that or whether they'd fall asleep when we were in the room. Then we started the CC and from the first night they woke for night feeds only. Now we're weaning the 3.30 feed by reducing it 15ml each night.

CC's not for everyone clearly and with a singleton you could do more gradual stuff like check and console or gradual retreat. CC's fast and it's very simple - perfect for us because there's two of them.

One last thing - I know people think CC is cruel but children need to learn to fall asleep on their own at some point and there's never a good time. I co-slept with my parents as a kid till I was almost school age, I can remember their attempts to get me to sleep in my own bed at like 2 and 3 years old... I was a good kid and wanted to do as they asked but I remember lying there wide awake in the dark in the middle of the night wondering how long I had to wait till morning... I never slept well on my own until I was an adult and (ironically enough) was married and expected to share a bed!

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