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5 and a half yr old DS still has poo issues. No idea how to solve this.

(29 Posts)
Shybairns Fri 19-Oct-12 10:39:33

Ever since I began to potty train DS it wasn't an easy process.
We started in the January before his 3rd b,day and gave up after a few weeks. Then on his 3rd Birthday, at the start of May, he said he wanted to be a big boy and wear pants, so we started again. It was Christmas before I could say he was actually there.

But poos have remained an issue. He goes every day. And now wipes his own bottom.
But every day, instead of going straight to the toilet when he feels a poo coming, he sits on his bottom to hold in the poo. Then over the next hour or so poo will escape into his pant. How much depends on the size and consistency of the poo. Whih for most people varries depending on what you've been eating.

I can say to him when I smell him trumping, "don't have an accident today ****, the toilet is just there." Then I can come back to him later and the poo has escaped into his pants. And I am cross and send him to the toilet. He is old enough to understand what is expected of him.

He often comes home from school stinking. If the teachers smell it they'll ask him if he needs a poo. And this week it was so bad he had to borrow some school pants.

He has said that other children have smelt it. And one girl commented that she thought he must be dirty. No child of mine is going to be teased for being dirty or smelly. Not when I try so hard to give them excellent care.

His teacher encouraged him to poo at school this week. She told him he could have a special sticker once he'd done one. And apparently he duely went and did one. I was beyond thrilled to hear this, and niavely thought we were about to crack the problem. He had loads of praise and was very pleased with himself. He then went to a friends after school. And when I collected him he had pooed in his pants. I was crushed.

Yesterday we go to football class and I smelled him. He was just starting to play with coach and friends. I had to drag him out of class and go straight home. No football if poo in pants.

I am also taking his DS off him the next day if he's pooed his pants. He's only allowed it for an hour after school. If pants clean.

Long winded I know. And I'm so greatful if you are still reading.

No idea how to crack this. He's five and a half and appears to not care that he's sitting in poo and stinking. He's very bright ohterwise.


Shybairns Fri 19-Oct-12 11:21:50

Should I treat him like he's younger than he is with regads to toileting ability?

Really can't imagine him being motivated by a sticker, and don't want to got down the sweety reward route.

I'm just so sick of thinking about it after over 2 years of it!

Pancakeflipper Fri 19-Oct-12 11:30:46

I really do feel for you. It's really hard to keep a positive attitude isn't it?

So he can poo on the loo of he really wants - cos he did it at school....
He seems to know when he wants to go....
Is he scared of the loo?

I have a DS1 who was 4 last month and was in nappies. He can do wee's on the loo but wouldn't poo. After lots of chats he said he was scared.

I phoned the Health visitor because we had a bad day and my temper was rising and just needed to talk to someone. She sent me some handouts and they were quite interesting - different ideas and tactics. Can email you them if you want. One of the tactics helped us and now he has been doing his poo's in the loo for the last couple of weeks. Even did one at nursery this week.

Have you spoken to the Dr? Have you a good child-friendly one? If your HV was any good phone them and ask if they have any suggestions. Also there's a charity called ERIC who are supposed to be helpful.

Don't give up hope. There will be reason. And once that's sorted it wi be fine. It's just time, and trying to find out what the issue is.

Shybairns Fri 19-Oct-12 14:20:51

Thanks pancakeflipper. Have started an 8 day sticker chart. After 7 days he gets a prize and if he does the 8th day in a row he gets an improved prize. He'd like a Ben 10 figure.

Fingers crossed. Guess we'll keep going week after week till its no longer an issue.

Pancakeflipper Fri 19-Oct-12 14:29:23

My DS2 has a rather large collection of Ben10 figures due to wees and poos on the loo. Amazon did daily deliveries.

The thing that has seemed to help my DS2 is something I had heard of but dismissed as utter nonsense - when he needed to poo he would tell me, we'd put a nappy on and in the bathroom ( next to the loo) he would poo, we'd chuck the poo down the loo and flush. Back into pants. At least he was telling me he wanted a poo.

Then next stage was put on nappy, sit on loo and poo. And then he was happy to sit on the loo (watching Ben10 clips on YouTube) and then did a poo eventually.

Has he expressed any fears about poos and loos? One of the handouts I have suggested making a book together about going to the loo ( with photos!).

Shybairns Fri 19-Oct-12 15:57:07

He's never expressed any fear of the toilet. When he does go, he likes to sit and fiddle with a toy while he waits for the plop!

He has got to the toilet on time by himeself a few times. And when I've done charts in the past he enjoyed doing them and achieving the stickers. I guess maybe I didn't do the charts long enough.

Pancakeflipper Fri 19-Oct-12 16:32:17

Could you make a chart, stick it in a notebook and when done a poo the teacher gives it a stamp/ sticker as a well done to build up the high excitement of pooing on the loo? Backs up what you are doing at home.

At least all the mechanics are working! He knows when he wants one and he can go ( on his terms!).

lilyfire Sat 20-Oct-12 00:22:57

Have you tried this?

It really helped my 3 year old, so might be worth a try even with a 5 yo.

sahbear Sat 20-Oct-12 21:43:20

Having had a similar experience with my 5 yr old ds, a combination of routine and movicol have helped. Try asking him to try a poo on the toilet 10 min after breakfast and dinner. If you persevere he may be able to get in the habit of those times and avoid it at school.
DS was prescribed movicol by gp to soften his stools and make it easier.
We have had pooey pants 2day, but they are much rarer.
Good luck.

skewiff Sat 20-Oct-12 22:07:10

My DS is also 5 and a half. He also will not do a poo when he needs to. He's never pooed in his pants, but I have to tell him when to go and poo, because otherwise he keeps it inside of him for days. We've been 4 days so far, but that only came to an end because I made DS go to the toilet.

I find that school makes the problem much worse. DS says that he can't go to the toilet at school because they don't have locks on the doors and one day someone came in when he was trying to do a poo (last year in reception).

The reason that I need DS to go (every day preferably) is because needing to go effects his behaviour badly. He is very irritating and all over the place when he needs to go. And this behaviour continues for hours/days until he's been and done the poo.

What HAS definitely worked for us is a sticker chart. I said that every time he went without me nagging he could have a sticker. We collected 10 stickers sometime more and then got a toy/prize.

But of course every time we stop the sticker chart the problem comes back again. At the moment I'm doing a half hearted sticker chart that isnt' really working - because I'm not sure if its the right thing to be doing any more. Also we're both getting bored of it I think.

Sorry if this is not much help. I just wanted to let you know that your son is not alone. I get really stressed by the whole thing too - but do think that I pass that onto DS and it makes his difficulties worse.

I would suggest stickers - try them and maybe we could both just keep doing endless sticker charts until they grow out of it ...

kd73 Sat 20-Oct-12 22:22:08

The Cbeebies show get well soon had a piece on toileting on Thursday and particularly aimed at poo.

We found ther reward chart from netmums on the toilet wall was the most effective method of getting him to poo, it still took a fair while though. We also made DS throw it away when he fell foul of it mid way through and then phe had to put an empty chart in its place.!

FannyFifer Sat 20-Oct-12 22:31:04

DS was a lazy bugger with going for a poo, would hold it in till last minute.

As soon as I smelled a fart, I would make him sit on the loo, he would then go.

He generally only goes once a day now, as soon as he gets in from school.

Is there a time he usually goes at?
As soon as there is any smell make him sit on the toilet till he goes.

PeanutButterOnly Sun 21-Oct-12 19:16:41

Hi - hang in there. My DS is 8 and still has toilet problems mostly at school, sometimes at home too. His toilet issues started when he potty trained at 3. He holds on to his wees and poos with inevitable consequences . It's one of those things that is an issue for some children and not for others. Movicol has helped us soften the poo. Sometimes I've been extremely frustrated and angry about the problem. The ERIC charity is good. Have a look at their website. Plus they have a telephone/email line if you want advice.

maryjane57 Sun 21-Oct-12 20:35:01

Hi this is actually my first post so here goes lol. First off I feel for anyone who is having pooing problems with their children i've been driven up the wall with my 7yo daughter over the last year or so, basically she would go go for days without going then do a monster size poo in the toilet, also in between soil her pants and have crippling tummy aches. Anyway one thing the doctor did say is that usually at that age they don't want do soil their pants so there could be a medical reason for doing so, she gave her movicol which I give every two days to give her a routine and it's helped loads. Not saying that this is what is going on with your little boy but maybe see the doctor and see what they think.

btw I found this really helpful with my little one

good luck =)

PeanutButterOnly Sun 21-Oct-12 21:17:16

Great topic to begin with maryjane grin. That's a good article. There's also the book Constipation, Withholding and Your Child: A Family Guide to Soiling and Wetting

Shybairns Mon 22-Oct-12 18:34:33

Thanks for all the posts guys. Been away the past couple of day. DS on day 4 of chart so far he's had clean pants every day and earned his sticker.
Today he pooed before lunch so we all relaxed and thought he was on course for another sticker. Why haven't I done a chart sooner right?
But just now at bed time there is dry skidders in his pants and a peanut size lump.
He is distraught because there will be no sticker today and he has to get 7 in a row in order to get a prize.

Do I carry on with this weeks 7 day chart knowing there will be no prize at the end or do i start another 7 day chart tomorrow?

GrimAndHumourless Mon 22-Oct-12 19:15:42

please consult your GP

it sounds very much as if your child has chronic constipation; the poo hangs around in the bowel, stretching it, the child loses the sensation that they need to go, fresh poo flows past the blockage creating skids, large lumps are hard to pass, the poo presses on the bladder and can cause leaks
peanut lumps indicate constipation on the Bristol Stool Scale

there are very effective meds that can solve it, bear in mind it can take months or years for an overstretched colon to return to 'normal' so a long haul

you can help by attending to diet: - anecdotally, avoiding banana and weetabix can help, as these really dry out in the colon, producing hard and painful poos/add fresh fruit and veg/increase plain water intake

but please please see the GP asap to get the ball rolling. don't be fobbed off with lactulose, you need to get Movicol. If he's very badly impacted (backed up with poo) he might need a scan to see how far backed up.

GrimAndHumourless Mon 22-Oct-12 19:17:46

also give praise for sitting on the loo, as opposed to producing something IYSWIM

sit with feet on a step to get bottom further down, this squatting position helps some children

Shybairns Mon 22-Oct-12 19:21:33

Ok I will take him to GP.
Will feel awful if there's been a medical problem all this time.

GrimAndHumourless Mon 22-Oct-12 19:24:46

It is so so common, folk don't talk about it and you think it's ME, I must be doing something WRONG, I am really crap at this parenting lark etc etc

Honestly, don't feel bad.

Been there, done that, AND come out of the other side, hurrah!

Good luck, and please don't hesitate to ask ask for advice, for handholding, to scream and shout (you might have bumps along the way to full continence)

PeanutButterOnly Mon 22-Oct-12 21:37:43

Good advice G&H. Out of interest, how did you come out the other side in the end? You're right that people just don't talk about it. I told one of DS's friend's mother the other day that he tends to hold on and she said that her son does it sometimes as well. Holding on is really common at school I think. It's so tricky because the emotional and physical side of it go hand in hand.

GrimAndHumourless Tue 23-Oct-12 09:13:25

Took years of movicol, encouraging sitting, dietary changes. Millions of soiled pants. We still have to be v careful wrt fluid intake, school on board to remind child to drnk often

JuliaScurr Tue 23-Oct-12 09:29:06

we had same as pancake (wore nappy to poo)
eventually dd was fine smile
aged 4.5

WipsGlitter Tue 23-Oct-12 10:52:00

Movicol sorted this for us, touch wood we've not had an accident in months. He still needs reminded to go though.

maryjane57 Tue 23-Oct-12 13:38:24

Diet def helps too I noticed that all summer my daughter was fine then first week back to school she had tummy aches and soiling. I partly put it down to sandwiches and milk everyday in school when at home she didn't get them as much. Now I would give her lactofree milk and a sachet of movicol every few days. Movicol's great for helping them go and then it doesn't build up in them.

Btw it really is so common my 6yo neice has problems going and also a few kids in my daughters class actually get movicol during class from the teacher.

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