Is my ds going to be the preschool 'thug'?

[Onlyhappywhenitrains]

Ds (3.4) started preschool last week. He is only doing one five hour session a week to begin with but I'm planning to increase him to two sessions in November. The reason being that they could only offer me certain days and we already have something on the days that they had available until then.

Anyway ds seemed to settle ok last week but didn't want to go this morning which I know is pretty common. When I fetched him he was pale and his eyes were red and they told me he'd been upset because he didn't like the lunch so had tried to hide in the toilets so he didn't have to eat it. I asked if his behaviour generally had been ok and they said yes.

Ds has talked quite a bit about nursery - I was sad when you left me mommy, I cried when you left me etc which I have just glossed over as mich as I can. However when going to be tonight he said 'they don't like me at nursery they said I was a very naughty boy.' I asked him why and apparently he'd hit someone on the head (not sure why, he says he doesn't know but that he was upset because I'd left him) and then gone and sat in the tunnel because he knew he was in trouble. He then said 'when I came out the tunnel I had to stand by (his key worker) and she said I couldn't play with anyone and that I'd never have any friends and she was very cross.'
He also wet himself today but he has been dry for about six months and he was upset about that too.

I'm worried because I don't want him to be the badly behaved child that everyone dreads but I can't control his behaviour at preschool can I? I can only be consistent at home with him. Should I mention the hitting incident when I take him next week? I wish the keyworker had told me when I fetched him. Now ds is upset and saying he's not going back because no one likes him and they're all very cross. Despite the smacking the child on the head thing he is (believe it or not) quite sensitive!

[ladypop]

I think you should mention this incident as I think it is odd that it was not mentioned to you. Use that as a starting point - he could be struggling at settling in as it all very new and the staff should be aware of and sensitive to this. We are experiencing biting issues with our 2.9 month old son who has been at the same nursery since he was 6 months old, but this has recently become an issue. It is really horrible because, as you say, you can't control their behaviour yet you feel resposible for them as a parent! I imagine it is teething problems, but work with his pre-school as this will not be the only child that this has happened to and they should have experience in these kind of things.....try not to worry!

[MacMac123]

I would ask the staff about this as they shouldn't be saying things like that too him. But I wouldn't worry too much about him quite yet. My DS is just 4 and generally pre school incidents are quickly forgotten about. When he was settling in he used to say he had no friends and would 'never' have friends, now he boasts about all his friends and how 'everyone likes me mummy'!
But I would be cross if one of the teachers have him the impression he wouldn't get friends or wasn't liked.