Anger management

[AshieFan]

Hi

I have the sweetest DS age 4 but he does lose his temper from time to time for 2 reasons. Either because I have not managed his low blood sugar levels and/or someone hurts him. When he loses it, it's big time. Very emotional and if someone has hurt him (even by accident) he hurts them right back and screams at them to go away and calls them names (naughty boy!). It takes him a while to calm down. On the whole, I'm pretty good at managing his blood sugar so that is less of an issue these days but I think today it was a combination of both - we were at the play park and he had already eaten loads (I always take plenty of snacks) but after the boy (friend of a friend) scratched his face, he completely lost it. When he calmed down, he ate some more.

I find it quite traumatic but try to stay very calm. How can I help him so that he is better able to manage his very strong emotions? Could you suggest any coping strategies? (For him and me.)

[lljkk]

It sounds like you're doing the right things, you're modelling how to be be calm even in the face of a stressful situation (him having a meltdown).

Let him be upset as he needs to be but he's not allowed to damage people or things in his temper. His feelings are valid, but certain ways of acting on them are not.

[clabsyqueen]

Just a quick message (sick child in arms) I've been reading happiest toddler on the block and it makes some interesting comments about adults tendencies to stay super calm in the face of a child's anger. The writer reasons that this is weird since we mirror all of our child's other emotions - joy, sadness but then ignore anger, this exacerbates the situation acc to him. Apparently we need to mirror the anger and frustration at a slightly lower intensity/volume then when the child feels heard/understood they usually calm more quickly and are ready for distraction/reasoning much more quickly. Anyway, it's an interesting read with lots of interesting posts, I'd give it a look if I were you. Good luck!

[AshieFan]

Thanks both for the quick response.

To me anger is a perfectly valid emotion but we have to (even as adults) find ways of dealing with it that are not destructive. It's the shouting at the other party that bothers me I guess, although perfectly understandable. This boy today couldn't have cared less and actually made it worse cos instead of going away, he came and stood by LO (I was furious at the parent - I was all grrrr inside too). His best buddy just ignores the whole thing normally so he tends to calm down much better. I am just worried how LO may react in school if someone upsets him.

I am not sure how I can be angry on a lower intensity when he is in super crazy anger mode - I just can't imagine what that would look like in practice. Not so sure that i mirror his emotions eg sadness: I give him lots of sympathy and talk about why he is feeling sad but I dontmirrorit.



clabsyqueen hope your LO gets better soon.

[clabsyqueen]

You're right - mirroring anger looks pretty darn stupid!