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Does anyone want to do Supernanny with me?

(10 Posts)
BleepingSooty Sun 14-Oct-12 08:41:09

I know a lot of people don't like her techniques but the ones I have tried have worked well but I can never seem to keep it up. So, I was wondering if anyone wanted to join me and support each other starting tomorrow (Monday)?

First we need a routine and house rules written down and displayed. Then a reward chart and naughty spot. Then, I guess, we can take it from there.

Anyone interested?

FrazzleDazzled Sun 14-Oct-12 18:34:56

Hi sooty, I need to do something!!! Have been trying some of her techniques but like you I never seem to carry on for whatever reason.

How old are your dc's? My problem child is 6 year old dd. She has always been challenging and bright, bored at school but very well behaved while there,perfect actually. We are currently talking to her teachers to sort out better work for her to do. She has been reading paperbacks for three years and is still expected to join the phonics lessons. As you can imagine it is hard for her.

At home it is like living with a devil child. I am patient, do not smack, give her tons of attention follow a good home routine but nothing is ever enough. Lately her behaviour has regressed to that of a really naughty two year old. It is heartbreaking to see and quite frankly I am at my wits end.

Things were not too bad up until this month, she was challenging but manageable and fantastic company. Now she is just rude, defiant and refuses to listen to me or dh. We have small moments of nice time but this week in particular it has escalated and we are shell shocked this evening. I put her to bed at 6pm after a particularly difficult weekend.

The thing is she suffers from compulsive habits, which I am assured are normal and loads of kids have them. But they are interfering with daily life. Does super nanny deal with this?? The main two are having to show us every bite of food and telling us its a shape, is interesting etc. This is ok once or twice but 30/40 times at every meal it's awful. We have tried limiting it to two shows and no more, doesn't work. The second habit is 'look' we have to literally look at everything she is doing. Worse than a toddler. She never used to do this. Sorry for ranting, I am willing to try super nannying with you. We also have a 6 month old dd but they love each other and dd1 is just brilliant with her all the time. grin

Meeknmild Mon 15-Oct-12 10:13:39

Can I join please?!!!!

My dd4 has been a nightmare doing exactly the same. I really shouted at her yesterday (on my own with her all day, aaarrgghhhh!!!), feel so guilty and do not like her very much at the moment. She too is bright, well behaved at school. She has an answer for everything and an elephant's memory! I have started a chart and written some house rules (only 4 points).

Any advice most welcome!

BleepingSooty Mon 15-Oct-12 10:29:47

Great! Or not great if you see what I mean.

I started writing it all down but still haven't finished. I think this is key to keeping me focused.

Today I mostly followed my new routine. I often get distracted and lose track of the time so either I wake the kids up late or put them to bed late which is causing me trouble.

I have three kids. My boy twins are 4 and my daughter is one.

So this morning the kids didn't want to get up so I ended up lifting them and carrying them down. This meant for once we weren't running late. Good!

I want to encourage them to get dressed by themselves but twin b was really whingy this morning so I ended up dressing them. Bad!

My daughter has a cold so she slept most of the morning which was good as I caught up on the housework a bit so in the afternoon I tried a bit of structured play with her but to be honest she just seems happier pottering by herself.

Later my son threw a toy so I came down to his level and told him firmly if he threw something again he was going on time out. He understood and stopped so that is good. No shouting from mummy.

I bought some stickers for a reward chart but not sure what to reward them for. Maybe brushing their teeth to start with?

So, good start but I need to get the rules and routine written down to keep it up, I think.

I want to focus on getting them to dress themselves and better routine at bedtime as they tend to wind each other up and take forever to go to bed. Then are tired in the morning.

My twins are very destructive and fight a lot! I'm way too shouty!

BleepingSooty Mon 15-Oct-12 10:44:24

Ps. the website is here www.supernanny.co.uk/

FD, have you tried distracting her at meal times? I guess you could try asking her loads of questions about her day, her favourite TV program, anything she is interested in and see if could can distract her.

Compulsive habits can be a sign of anxiety though so perhaps you just have to suck it up and smile to reassure her. There is no excuse for bad behavour though so you should definitely set some limits so she knows what is and isnt acceptable.

Meeknmild, it sounds like some structure and routine might help her. I hate it when I get shouty too so I know how hard it is.

Gotta go, they are fighting AGAIN!!

Meeknmild Mon 15-Oct-12 10:48:48

Sounds like a good start! I am way too shouty too. My dds are 15 and 4 - the teenager gives me no trouble at all, she's not perfect but a lot easier to handle! I think that most of the trouble stems from starting school and perhaps copying some of the other behaviour there. She is tired and hungry when she comes out of school - this term is also eight weeks long so that doesn't help. We have similar personalities too - stubborn and talk too much!

This morning she refused to wear tights for school - even though she knows she will be cold! Aargghh!!!!

I have decided to limit the choices I give her for things - ie breakfast and to try to not shout but walk away when cross with her.

Her sister is so good with her and has endless patience but even she was a little fed up by the end of yesterday!

Like you I am distracted by other things - I have a lot on my mind - work from home etc!

'This is only a phase' mantra in place!

FrazzleDazzled Mon 15-Oct-12 11:13:41

Wow twins! Good luck Sooty, great advice about distraction at meal times, will definitely try it later. And yes you are are right about anxiety, dd1 is an anxious child she always has been but is also supremely confident (cocky) at other times. I can never work her out!!

Hi Meek, I absolutely know how you feel. I really lost it yesterday with the rudeness, not shouting but I just ended up crying out of sheer frustration and want my happy little girl back. She is just so obnoxious at times and I know this is not her real self. She is so kind to her friends and sister and us too when not being grumpy.

We did infact have a great morning,walked to school on time, no faffing from dd1. I explained we were going to sort out our problems and go through some rules later, she was very interested and asked me if I would like her to be nicer. I said yes but let's take it one day at a time and she went in to school happy.

What are some of your rules? So far the ones we need are-
Be polite and respectful to each other
Listen to mummy and daddy when we ask you to do something
No shouting or pushing when you can't do/ have something
Speak in a nice tone of voice to everyone not in a rude voice.
Practice putting and keeping your socks on everyday, if difficult we will help if you have tried
Practice going to the toilet by yourself, we will help if you need it.

I am not entirely sure what to reward for either. Could it be when they attempt some of the doing rules or at the end of the day if have been polite/ not fighting (too much!) or other things relevant to their rules. Possibly acts of kindness too towards parents/ siblings.

The last two are the things dd seriously struggles with at home and they are also compulsive issues. She hates sock seams and gets angry with her socks. This can seriously ruin her day! I bought seamless ones but its the heel which is now a problem. Most people could be real tough aboutnthis with their kids but like you mention Sooty it is definitely anxiety. On the way to school the other week we had to stop 6 times to fiddle with the damn socks! If I get angry she is distraught so I tend to just stand there deep breathing and counting to ten, looking like a mad woman!

The toilet thing is purely hygiene issues, dd hates toilets with a passion and worries about germs. Mil is solely responsible for this as whenever they have been out she has always made a thing of covering loo seats complaining about germs etc since dd was a baby. Dd is getting better and manages at school now but it's hard at times.

For a super brain dd has always been miles behind with physical things and motor skills, despite teaching her. She just catches up a bit later.

Meeknmild Mon 15-Oct-12 12:06:20

THE SOCK PROBLEM!!!!

Yes, that's my little one too. It drives me crazy! It's just got to be perfect!

'Things for * to remember'

1. Please do not argue with Mummy, Daddy or **

2. Please do as you are asked the first time.

3. Please put things away when you have finished playing.

4. Remember, when Mummy, Daddy or ** say NO, they mean NO!

(DD is good at number 3 - I put it in to encourage her a bit more)

I put this on the fridge yesterday - she read it back to me and said she would try (her reading is very good- which is useful!)

My daughter is good with toilet hygiene - although I am still wiping her bottom after a poo - she does try to do it herself at school.

She is fine with most practical things - just the zip to master now.

I think it's a case of dd being frustrated when she can't do things straight away and she doesn't want to do it. I seem to remember being like that myself ...

Bleepingsooty - yes routine and structure - dd is very good at bedtime - we've stuck to 7pm since she was small and she is very easy to put to bed. We eat at the same time and she does know 'what comes next' certainly on a weekday. Weekends are slightly different with Daddy being at home but we try to have a couple of things we do every weekend - library, walking, playground etc.

FrazzleDazzled Mon 15-Oct-12 21:28:10

Meek- glad its not just my dd with the sock thing I thought I was going mad!
Had a successful day 1. I made it all positive and fun. Dd thought it was great and has tried SO hard. The food showing was better and she wiped her bottom too. I know it's early days and that's the point of this thread to keep going with the plan no matter what.

I also made dd a passport rather than a wall chart it's called the passport to fun. If she sticks to the rules each day she gets a sticker in it and needs at least 5 per week,so allowing for a couple of off days as no one is perfect. I am going to give her something very small each week, or a choice of something to do. She loves Pottermore on the PC so a nice chunk of time to play that is a real treat for her or a trip to a different park further away that we don't get to that often is a bit different to the ones we usually go to. Free but fun! I also have a few Mr Men books and bits, one occasionally as a surprise for extra good weeks. We do a lot of things together but she would always like to do more!

So glad you did this thread sooty, it was just the thing I needed. I was so miserable yesterday and felt like giving up trying anything. grin

BleepingSooty Wed 17-Oct-12 08:33:59

Our house rules are:

No hitting, kicking, pushing, biting etc

No spitting (twin B!!)

No throwing things (twin A!!)

No shouting (even mummy blush)

No spilling things (unless it's an accident)

No breaking thing on purpose

I have been a lot better time-wise this week. I'm usually rushing around, stressed, running late but I have been giving us more time to do things and I've been early every day. That's with giving the kids time to dress themselves.

It is a kind of torture watching them get themselves dressed as it takes so long but they've been doing well. It does take a lot of nagging though.

Twin A got so many warnings yesterday and I ended up putting him in Time Out and he became hysterical so I let him off. blush He did calm down though.

I still haven't started the rewards yet. I've had a very busy week at work so no time to think about it yet.

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