My DD is grade 6 and hates math, but that is not all...

[wildwestapplepie]

My daughter is not doing well in school, she is grade 6, and she particularly hates math. She does not get it and as soon as we sit together to study she gets upset, starts fidgeting, yawning, has headache and stuff. This is causing a lot of stress for me as I really do not know what to do, and cannot afford tutor. Today I got really upset and told her I could not waste my time any more. I could help her succeed in math and in life in general but if she would rather fail so be it. Do you know what she told me:?I would rather jump out of the window and die?.OMG what should I do? I am sure she did not mean it really but should I pay attention to it, should I take her to see someone, psychologist or something. ? Could she rally have some deeper problems? How about you guys, anybody else outhere with similar problem on their hands? I am so tired and so, so worried.

[HotHotNot]

What apart from study time issues points to a deeper problem? What does her school say? Can they give her some catch up classes or extra help in school so she knows what to do?

My DD at that age pulled every trick, whine, fake illness, emotional blackmail etc to get out of hard work. She did not care about her future or the impact of what she was saying. It was all to win the " argument" at all costs. They know your vulnerabilities and which buttons to press.

If that is all, then you need to assess how much she really needs to do. Give her manageable study time each night and sanctions for not doing it, but leave her to it.

At that age my DDs friendship group was in a constant state of flux and she did not have any social groups outside of school. I think the stress contributed but also the worry about fitting in. I got her doing Drama instead of music lessons but put up a schedule on the wall of expected school night work; homework, chores and personal care, nothing very onerous so I did not feel bad enforcing it. Keeping communicating with the school was key. I spoke to mums of her friends and they were all the same.

Ps I had a lot of difficulties with maths at that age and had to go back to basics, even using block counters as a visual/Spatial aid. Once I got it, though, I achieved very well.

[wildwestapplepie]

Oh, thank you for answering me. I live in Canada and after I posted I realised that it was around 2 in the morning in the UK and everybody is sleeping.
Anyway, she struggles with mostly everything by gets totally stuck in math. I guess it is hard for me to relate to her because for me school was really easy. She gets help in school, like one on one and stuff, but it does not seem to be working, if you ask me. We talked to teachers to see if they think she has learning disability or something but they do not seem to have any concerns except that she is doing poorly but I think they do not care about this. She seems to lack self confidence, thinks she is a failure and this is what worries me. I try not to get upset, but after some time I do, not for what she does not know but for her attitude, disinterested, grumpy etc.

[HotHotNot]

Aww, I do feel for you both. ( I am up late because I was being the Tooth Fairy then couldn't get back to sleep ).

My DD is 13 now, still has a lot of attitude. My mum taught younger kids and they could start the hormonal emotional meltdowns from age8. Having said that, your DDs school sounds hopeless and she has genuine educational problems, not just attitude, they should be addressing. Do they have training in asessing for, say, dyslexia? I wonder if she is left feeling frustrated and upset every day at school. Knowing other kids there may be peer group stuff because of it. In that case the last thing she needs is to have more when she gets home.

What about getting her independently assessed for additional needs? I still think it is good for them to have a routine written up but perhaps "study time" could be playing a board game or something which incorporates maths in a fun way. What else does she like to do that is fun and confidence boosting? For me it was horse riding and swimming, my DD is Drama and dance. If none of that works, yes, I'd be inclined to look at professional help rather than let her suffer.

BTW I have a behaviour challenged boy who hates school. It is worrying and v v tiring{{hugs}}.

[wildwestapplepie]

Ow, this is great; this internet is a funny thing. The idea that the two of us a chatting from different sides of the world about similar problems we are having, is so beautiful and comforting. Thank you for spending time with me at this late hour. Yes, I am afraid that she could have some other problems, but being low achiever in school as a result of that does not help her confidence. I should take her to a professional for assessing; I have no idea why it is so hard for me to do, because I do want to help her. I guess once you start with that it brings all sorts of labels she might be putting on herself. She is already screaming every so often:?I know, I am not dumb?, although I never use this word for her, but I think this is how she feels and it hurts me so much to hear.
BTW my kids are getting ready for sleep, I feel exhausted, and they are seriously pushing my buttons. Every night, same story

[HotHotNot]

Yes, getting ready for bed is the hardest part of the day! Having to juggle lots of other things and being exhausted makes it seem like problems have no solution.

Look at it logically. If she gets an assessment and is " labelled" then she need not feel stupid or a failure, rather that the system has failed her. Then she can get proper help to get her learning on track and will no longer have any excuses for being attitudey and disinterested.

Really she is smart that she knows there is no point in extra study within the system, it doesn't work in the day so why should it at night? And she is emotionally intelligent. She is labelling herself a failure because, to be blunt in school terms, she is. Most of her attitude seems defensive and frustrated.BIG Caveat- as I said before girls this age can be extremely emotionally manipulative. Don't let her back foot you. But be in front as her cheerleader, she will not be rubbish at everything. She needs different strategies.

ps all my kids have yelled at me " I know, I'm not dumb" at some point . Yes yourDD may be extra sensitive but they just want to shut you up, usually .

[HotHotNot]

Have to log off n get some sleep. Good luck!

[wildwestapplepie]

Good night and thanks for chatting with me. I hope you get good night sleep HotHotNot and all the best to you.